


In Between

by Aeacus



Series: WftE-Verse [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Ashen Romance | Auspistice, Caliginous Romance | Kismesis, F/F, F/M, Flushed, Flushed Romance | Matesprits, M/M, Multi, Other, Pale, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, Post Sburb/Sgrub, Romance, Threesome, Waiting for the End, Xenobiology, android sex, collection, oneshots
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-08
Updated: 2013-04-02
Packaged: 2017-11-20 15:21:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 52,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/586819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aeacus/pseuds/Aeacus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a collection of side stories to accompany Waiting for the End. This is a post-game speculation of what would happen to the characters. Every player (minus the first session trolls) is brought back to life in a universe that is a stable mix of Earth and Alternia. There will be one tale with multiple parts. Small summaries at the top of each chapter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Quiet Thoughts and Retribution

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: As the summary says, this is a collection of side stories to go alongside Waiting for the End. You don't have to read WftE to enjoy In Between, but WftE is a pretty good story based on the reviews. As stated in the summary, all of the players are alive and In Between is just going to snapshot some of their interactions post Sburb/Sgrub from the Aug'12 hiatus (aka WftE-verse). Feel free to drop me suggestions for pairings, leanings, and scenes. I'd like to stretch my writing skills a little. Also let me know how my voice per character comes across. Critiques are enthusiastically welcomed! Seriously, my feelings cannot be hurt and I really want to push my writing skills. Let me know how I am doing! either through comments or PM.
> 
> There is going to be at least one arc that will have multiple chapters spread between all of the others. It will be marked by 'part #' if Roxy/Sollux is what brought you to this story. (Auto Responder may also be involved).
> 
> Anyways, I'm letting my notes get away from me again. So perspectives at the top of each chapter. Let me know if I should include more information.

(Aradia's Point of View)

* * *

 

We are all alive.

We all made it out of the game and we are all here alive again. Everyone, well a lot of us are smiling. Everyone is still slightly exhausted. Being dead does take a toll on you. I should know. But when you get that second chance... it’s incredible. You get to look at everything in a new light and just smile at it.

Once you have died, you can’t help but be a little more appreciative of what you have.

Karkat was worried when he woke up that everyone would try killing each other again, but that didn’t happen. I mean the ones who hadn’t finished the game had been here for a little while already before the rest showed up. There was a truce already established. When it came to the grudges of who killed who, we agreed upon two simple rules. One, no more killing. Two, you get one shot so make it count.

Tavros went first. Vriska was kinda smug about it since obviously he wasn’t the revenge type and apparently they spent a lot of time together in the dream bubbles. We were all surprised, with her being the most I think, when he punched her square in the face hard enough to knock her out cold. There was a stunned silence and then a lot cheering for Tavros. He’s such a cute sweetheart. It took a while for Vriska to come back around.

Feferi went next, approaching Eridan with a straight face. Her punch to his guts left him gasping for air like a fish out of water. Took him a while to recover from that as well. After that though, Feferi was a cheerful thing to everyone, including Eridan.

Terezi took Vriska’s punch to the jaw like a champ, though Vriska surprised everyone there by following up with a vicious kiss. Gamzee was getting a little jealous with how black it was getting before the kiss sorta dissolved into tears and mushy sentiments. Everyone politely ignored them at that point.

No one knew whether or not to give Sollux a shot at Eridan because technically he didn’t die (again) from the white science. The argument was rendered short when after a crackle of psionics and a sharp yelp from Eridan, Sollux merely grinned and said that they were now even. Eridan wasn’t hurt as much as he had been startled, though we all enjoyed a laugh at his frazzled new look before he managed to find a mirror.

We decided that the feud between Vriska and I had been settled in game when I had beaten her to a bloody blue pulp.

Eridan was next, facing off with Kanaya. We all knew what his scars were which bring back vivid images for whoever was alive for that event. We all thought he was going to do something very dramatic because this was Eridan. When doesn’t he do something dramatic? And I suppose in a way it was, but not at all in the way we all believed. Instead of attacking Kanaya in any sort of manner, he hugged her. He thanked her for not letting him go through with his plans of switching sides. Apparently he met another Eridan in a doomed timeline that had. We don’t have those details however but it apparently changed him dramatically.

Gamzee’s facial scars hadn’t come through the regeneration as they hadn’t been fatal in any way. Nepeta’s retribution was an attack with her claws to redo those marks much to Karkat’s... displeasure. And yes, that is a vast understatement. Dave had to physically restrain him from attacking Nepeta and then he passed out from a combination of an excess of yelling which caused a lack of oxygen and a reaction from seeing Gamzee’s blood. Gamzee accepted it rather well actually.

He wasn’t as accepting when it came to Equius’ turn. Equius refused to hurt him as he was still a ‘highblood’ despite the fact that this new world obviously didn’t keep the same values as Alternia. Gamzee insisted on making it up to Equius which just make him more nervous and sweaty and gross (and to think that I kissed him (then again I was a blue blooded robot at the time)). None of us know how it turned out because we all went to bed before they had finished arguing.

But we are all alive. We all get our second chances. And I think that everyone will use theirs wisely.

 


	2. coded Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sollux/Roxy (Third Person)

"You missed a semi colon."

"What?" Sollux paused his typing to glance over at the girl. She had her head resting on her crossed arms on the desk. Her eyes were closed. For all intents and purposes she looked like she was napping. And Sollux thought she had been.

"You missed a semi at the end of your last for loop."

Sure enough as Sollux squinted at the screen he saw where the code had been left open. It would have fallen into an infinite loop and would have had to be killed and then it would have taken at least an hour to find that error.

"How did you know? You can’t even see my screen. I can barely see my screen.”

“I heard it, silly. Your rhythm missed a beat.”

“You knew what I was coding by listening to it?”

“Yup.”

“Whatever.” Sollux turned back to his work, typing a quick note in his side window before working on code.

“That’s not very nice to say about me.”

Sollux typed up another retort.

“Really?”

“Yea.” A faint yellow blush appeared on his cheeks.

“What else do you find hot about me?”

The flush grew brighter, but he paused to honestly think about it. “Well, you are definitely tech savvy which is an improvement compare to the rest of them. You aren’t actually that obnoxious even when you are drunk. I don’t know why you play it up with the others. You like cats. You can shoot better than ED, but still prefer fist fighting. A lot of stuff now that I think about that.”

“You know half of those came out as insulting.”

Sollux ducked his head. “I’m bad with people. Give me a computer instead.”

“But you didn’t mention anything about how I look,” she murmured into her ear. Her closeness startled, making him scramble against the desk to keep from falling out of his chair. She laughed lightly at him as she grabbed his shoulders and pulled him upright.

“I mean, well, uh,” Sollux sputtered.

“I find that hot.” Her breath was hot on his cheek.

“What?”

“You like me for me. Not my looks. I appreciate that.” She rested her head on his shoulder, draping her arms around him casually as she leaned against the back of his chair. Sollux was stunned into silence at the apparent change in her demeanor, going from almost seductive to something much softer. He carefully turned his head, mindful to keep his glasses from hitting her face. Her eyes were closed but a small smile played on her lips.

“Well, your hacking skills are formidable. And you don’t give me a headache.”

“Can I kiss you?”

Sollux’s jaw dropped open a little. He floundered for a moment and then hesitantly, “Please?”

She tilted her head and leaned in the little distance between them. Sollux turned his own head as much as he could to help with the alignment. It was still a slightly awkward angle when their lips met but honestly Sollux couldn’t care. His entire thought process was centered on the softness of her lips against his chapped ones and how she smelled of strawberries and tasted of cream. When she finally pulled back, both of them had soft smiles.

“Honey. You taste like honey.”

“I like to eat it? And Earth honey doesn’t make me go insane?” He replied very uncertainly.

“I like it too.” She stood up away from him. Sollux feared that she was going to leave and so he turned on his chair to follow her and promptly ended up with a lap full of Roxy. “Could I have some more?” She asked cheekily.

Sollux instantly thought the new angle was much better for kissing. He put a cautious arm around her back to help her stay on his skinny legs. She was soft and round compared to his sharp angles. But they fit together surprisingly well. This time when they broke, there was a pale flush of pink across her cheeks and yellow across his. Sollux thought she looked good in pink. Then he realized her eyes were also pink.

“Your eyes are pink.”

She burst out laughing, rocking the chair almost dangerously. Sollux grabbed her tighter to keep her from falling off of his lap. “Sollux Captor. We have known each other for a while now, and you just realized that I have pink eyes?”

“Yes?” he replied, setting off another peal of laughter from the hacker girl.

“You... you are... adorable,” Roxy managed between pants to try to catch her breath. Sollux blushed again. “Why are you blushing so hard? I know adorable isn’t Alternian for something dirty.”

“No one has ever called me adorable.”

“I don’t know why not.” She tilted her head as she looked at him. She studied his face with as straight of an expression as she could manage. Then she smiled brightly. “It doesn’t matter because now I have. You are very adorable to me.” She lifted her hands to his face. “Very kissable too.” She leaned in to prove her words with actions.

He enjoyed her touch on his face with both her hands and her lips. He gingerly pulled her closer to his torso and kissed her back.


	3. Beach

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eridan/Feferi (Third Person Perspective with Flash Backs)

She is honestly beautiful. All happiness and smiles. She is just bursting with energy as she dances and splashes in the waves. Just breathtakingly beautiful.

He looks so sad. He won’t style his hair anymore. The purple streak has faded and it just looks so forlorn.

Happy is a good look on her. Makes her glow and shine in the sun. Her skirts twirl and swirl with her excitement. She is so pretty when she is happy.

He is just so dejected. Can barely even get him out of those damn striped hipster pants to get him to the beach. Even now he just sits on the towel under the umbrella so cheerless.

Gorgeous. Full of life and light. It’s like the world can’t get any better for her. Can see it in the little actions and big gestures. She loves everyone and everything and it just makes her exquisitely cute.

It’s not good to see him this gloomy and pessimistic. He should be enjoying the new body but instead he’s focused on that scar across his waist. He keeps touching it and it makes him look morbid.

* * *

“Eridan!”

He looks up as a shadow falls across his face. He smiles meekly up at her. “Yes, Fef?”

“Give me your hands.” How can he deny her anything? Soon he is pulled to his feet and stumbling across the wet sand down to the water. “You can’t just sit and mope around. It’s a beautiful day at the beach. And you are going to enjoy it with me.”

“Sure, Fef.” His feet manage to catch up with her tugging just as they reach the waves. The spray of the next crashing wave splashes up around them. The water feels warm against their cool blooded limbs and comfortable against the heat of the sun. Feferi giggles as the water pushes and pulls against her legs. She drags him deeper into the surf until the waves are breaking on his chest. The saltwater tingles on his fins as he tilts his head up to keep his glasses from getting wet. Feferi bounces around him, letting the swells lift and lower her body.

The afternoon sun glitters on the surface of the ocean. The crash of the waves against the sand and shells on the beach is a constant song to background the cries of the seagulls that drifted along the air currents that blew from sea to land. Eridan lets himself relax enough to sway like kelp with the ocean.

He’s slightly startled when Feferi suddenly latches herself onto his back with a fit of giggles. The next wave is larger than the others, but Eridan is distracted enough not to push off with the swell so it swamps over the pair with only the tips of their horns breaking through. Eridan emerges sputtering and grabbing his glasses before they are swept away. Feferi covers her mouth to stop a wave of laughter at Eridan's wet hair. The dark strands cling wetly around his face instead of being swept back. He sends her a dark but shallow look before ducking under the next wave, coming out of the back cleanly with much smoother hair. Feferi simply smiles at him.

They continue to bob along with the ocean as the day drifts on, content with each other's company. He admires how at ease she is in the ocean. Even her long hair floats behind her, sleek and trailing, never tangled. She watches as the stress in his face slowly melts away. The rhythm of the ocean reminds them of the good times before the game but they are both glad they don't have the burden of Feferi's lusus even if that was what brought them together.

As the sun starts its descent, burning the sky yellow, orange, and red, Eridan turns to Feferi expectantly, "Do ya want to turn in for the night?"

"Not quite yet..." she replies, playing with a piece of foam left behind.

"Then when? It's goin' to get dark soon."

"After this."

That was all the warning he got before she launches herself into his arms with the aid of a wave. He flounders a bit before managing to wrap his arms around her waist. She giggles as he flushes purple at her close proximity.

"Uh, Fef?"

"Yes, Eridan?" She wraps her arms around his neck and her legs just above his waist.

"What are ya doin'?"

"Nothing. Yet."

"Eh? Then what are you plannin'?"

"To kiss you." He only sputters for a moment before she grants him mercy and follows through with her words. She simultaneously leans in and pulls on his neck towards her until their lips touch. He briefly notes how salty they both taste from the ocean's exposure. When she licks his lips and he lets her deepen the kiss, he revises his thoughts to include that she tastes like saltwater taffy.

The ocean current makes them sway as they stay embraced and lip locked through the sunset. When they finally pull apart for breath they notice that the sky is streaked with the remnants of color trapped on the clouds but otherwise everything has fallen into darkness. Their spot on the beach stands out only because the sand is naturally so light. Eridan kisses Feferi lightly, sweetly before shifting her in his arms to a position that he can carry her out. He only stumbles once when a rough wave catches him against the back of his thighs but Feferi just squeals in delight as he holds onto her tighter.

He only sets her down when her feet can alight on the towel keeping them from getting sandy again. She giggles at his concern seeing as they still have to walk from the towel back to the car. He scowls when she points it out.

“What if I don’t want to go back to the car?”

“After all that carping you did while I was dragging you out here, now you don’t want to go back?”

“Not yet at least.” His expression changed to a sheepish one. “I’m... I’m really enjoyin’ hangin’ out like this? With ya? An the moon should be risin’ soon. An it would be romantic to continue what we were doin’ out there...” he trails off hesitantly.

“That sounds really nice, Eridan.”

He lets out a relieved sigh and joins her sitting on the towel. The night was definitely cooler without the hot sun beating down on them and it felt better. Being able to be out in the sun was a new experience for the both of them that they enjoyed, but the night was just a bit more comfortable for them. As soon as he is settled he finds himself a lapful of laughing girl. He’s quicker at catching onto the moment and soon they are making out again.

The quiet sounds of the surf fill the night as they kiss. Soft sighs escape their lips as they come up for breath every so often. Eridan doesn't want to push whatever this is so he keeps his hands on her back, one at her shoulder blades and one high at her waist. Feferi doesn't have such restrictions and lets her hands roam over the planes of his chest, shoulders, upper arms, and anywhere else she can reach. They enjoy each other's contact.

Feferi leans forward against Eridan’s chest until he is forced to lie back. He lets her lead as she straddles his hips. She leans over him, her hair swept over her shoulder to keep it from falling too much into his face. She layers wave after wave across his face, pressing her lips against his chin, cheeks, nose, forehead, eyebrows, lips, jaw line, everywhere. His hands settle at her waist, thumbs absently brushing over the bare skin above her bathing suit bottoms.

She finally pulls away from him to smile down on him. The bright flood of stars twinkle behind her but Eridan doesn’t notice. He can’t see past her gorgeous smile and loving golden and fuschia eyes. He reaches up and brushes the back of his knuckles across her cheek, making her smile even wider.

“Fef?”

“Hmm?”

“This feels a little... uh... flushed for moirails. Not that I am complainin’,” he quickly recovers.

“I don’t want to be moirails.” Eridan’s chest tightened up. “I want to be matesprits, if you don’t mind.” Eridan let out the breathe he didn’t know he was holding.

“I’d never mind that, Fef. I would love to be your matesprit.”

“Good,” she giggled before she leaned down to close the gap between them once more.

* * *

When he was dead, Eridan met other doomed timelines in the dream bubbles. He met a lot of different version of his friends and himself. There were two that caught his attention.

One was from a timeline that the entire group had followed the game to the nth degree. Everyone had completed their lands’ quests and everyone had bested their denizen. Everyone even chose to go god tier. Their frog breeding had produced a good specimen. Everything had been done correctly. But then the black king had wiped them all out in a single glub.

The other one was from a timeline that closely followed the alpha timeline until the confrontation with Sollux and Feferi. Instead of going to Feferi to invite her to go with him, he went to Jack first. It was a catastrophic downward spiral from there. As soon as Jack saw him, Eridan was stabbed. Had he been a land dweller instead of an aquatic royal blood, he would have died instantly. Instead he was just grievously injured but mobile enough to follow Jack who followed Eridan’s trail back to the meteor. Eridan watched in mute horror as Jack killed those he could find on the meteor. Gamzee, Karkat, and Terezi managed to hide in the vents. But that didn’t stop Jack. He just simple destroyed the entire meteor instead.

Eridan was able to watch these doomed memories through the dream bubbles. He practically lived them alongside the two doomed Eridans. Talking with them and others, he realized how it had to have gone down even if he didn’t understand the why behind it yet. He had to fail for the alpha session to continue on. Fail at both his charge of his aspect and fail at the betrayal. But that wouldn’t stop him from becoming better than that. Death gives you a better perspective on life. Hindsight is twenty twenty and interaction between all of his friends, even if they are just ghosts, gave him plenty of time for improvement. Not that he would have a second chance however. Dead means dead, right?

* * *

Feferi kissed down his body as he curled his hands into her thick voluminous hair. He shuddered a little as her lips brushed lightly over his sides. Then she came across his scarred waist. Her fingers slide across the discolored surface.

“I wish she could have killed you in a more pleasant manner. This scar is just ridiculous. I wish she hadn’t killed you at all!”

“It’s alright, Fef. It had to happen. I was wrong but there was no stoppin’ me. And I started the killin’ first, I guess. I’m sorry for killin’ ya, Fef.”

“I know you are.”

* * *

Pain. Pain. Pain.

He grasped at the air as if that would make it easier to get it into his burning lungs. His mouth gaped open and closed as his body was forced through conflicting signals. The pain in his chest constricted any expanding movement but his lungs burned for air. His arms and legs beat against the ground, desperate to have something, anything happen. He needed to breathe! Suddenly he felt the cool air rush into his lungs only to be expelled moments later with a shrieking scream of pain. Gasping he sucked in another breath to give his body sustenance and a way to communicate his pain. He screamed over and over again as his body slowly and painfully (oh how painfully) his body reawakened to life. His muscles convulsed and he switched from being arched up and taut to being curled up in a defensive position. As his throat got sore, his screams became muted until he was just whimpering and sobbing with still spasms of pain running through his body.

It hurt, oh how it hurt.

* * *

She moves back up his body with more kisses and a push on his top of his swimsuit. He freezes as the elastic band passes over his hip bones. His head pounded heavily in his chest under her lips. She giggled lightly as she kisses the side of his neck and felt his cool pulse under his salty skin. She pushes it down to just below the knees before sitting up again. She reaches behind her and undoes the clasp on her top and tosses garment over her head. Eridan’s eyes get large as he stares the the bare top of his new matesprit. His jaw works loosely as he feels like he should say something but honestly nothing is coming to mind. She giggles again, bringing a hand up to her face to hide her smile at his loss of words but it doesn’t hide the tyrian blush high across her cheeks.

Her hands then go to her own hips and she slips her thumbs under her own waistband.

“Here?” Eridan squeaks. He winces at his own voice and tries again. “We are going to do this here?”

"Well, it is romantic. You said so yourself!"

"I- I guess I did." And with that she lifts herself up enough to remove the bottom half of her suit. He kicked off his at the chance.

* * *

"Eridan?" The voice cut barely cut through the haze of pain that clouded his mind. "Guys! In here! I found Eridan!" It sounded close and far away at the same time. The pain radiated from his very existence, numbing all other sensations.

"Eridan..." It was barely a whisper but very close. Then there was a cool sensation at the border of his perception. At his head? His forehead? He could barely focus on it but it was definitely there. It was cool and soothing, pushing the pain away just a little bit. Slow gentle waves lapped against his skin. "Eridan..." The numbing pain faded away and he began to feel sharp pin pricks across his arms and legs. He felt himself shifting, twitching as the cool energy trickled down from his head through his body to his fingertips and toes. He finally became aware of his breathing and took deep calming breaths instead of the frantic panting he must have been doing.

"Good... very good... Eridan." The voice was right there within his reach. He thought that if he could manage to open his eyes then he would find the source of the familiar soothing sounds.

* * *

Neither of them were unsheathed at the moment, but at this rate that wouldn’t be the case soon. Feferi resettled across his hips, her nook grazing lightly across the bulge. The slick sensations draws a moan from deep within Eridan’s throat. He feels the tip start to slip out in with the biological urge to meet the teach heat above him. Feferi leans over to kiss him, her own bone bulge starting to come out as well. She shifts her hips a little as she felt him move. He gasps as contact is made.

Wet heat against wet heat. Moans, gasps, shudders, kisses, movement, and pleasure. Their bodies tangle together naturally, easily, like they are meant to be together. Their moirallegiance was clumsy and awkward compared to their current emotional situation. Their hands grip each other tight as their bulges intertwine. Feferi rolled her hips with delicious friction against him. Their lips press against each other. Their bodies line up. Their bulges slide past each other down to the juncture of their legs. Translucent fluids gleam in the pale moonlight as the tips slide through folds of skin, guided by heat and instinct.

They enter each other almost simultaneously with heavy sighs of pure heaven. Feferi arches up over Eridan, her silhouette breathtaking against the sea of stars and soft reflection off of the rippling ocean surface. Eridan’s eyes are wide open to take in as many details of the goddess above him. He murmurs her name into the quiet of the night like something sacred. She moans a soft reply back. Their bodies undulate like the ocean where they once resided. A beautiful rhythm passes between them, bringing each higher and higher. Their voices sing together as pleasure builds up inside of them. They cry out together as their climaxes hit them.

* * *

“Eridan... can you hear me? Can you open your eyes for me? Eridan.”

His eyes fluttered open. A fuzzy silhouette showed a figure hovering over him against a white ceiling. He blinked several times and the image slowly cleared to reveal a smiling girl with fuchsia goggles and full curly hair.

“Fef...”

“Oh Eridan!” Her smile got even brighter. “You’re awake!” She swooped down and wrapped her arms around him. Pain flared up from stiff disuse, but it was a faint echo of the pain he felt from not too long ago. “I’m so glad. We are alive again. They won. They won and we get to live again!”

A second chance, huh? Eridan could work with that.

* * *

They lay there panting for a while to recover from the bliss they had just experienced. Feferi grins down at him like an angel. He returns the smile with a soft one of his own. The moon continues to rise up through the sky, coating everything in a silvery light.

“I pity you, Eridan.”

“I love you, Feferi.”

 


	4. chat client Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Auto-Responder/Roxy Conversation

\-- autoResponder [ AR ] began chatting up tipsyGnostalgic [ TG ] --

AR: Hey there cotton candy sugar baby.

TG: hey there red vine sweet cheeks

AR: I haven’t seen you around in a while.

AR: What in the real world has caught your attention so?

TG: um

TG: well

TG: hehe

AR: I can’t decide if this bodes well or not.

TG: take a wild guess

AR: The liquor store down the street is holding a party for you.

TG: no

AR: Dad made you a rum cake.

TG: no

>AR: You convinced Ampora that your whiskey was better than his.

TG: no

TG: and yannow not everything about me deals with drinks yannow

AR: It doesn’t? *Theatrical gasp*

TG: no you asshole

TG: jeez

AR: Sorry. But there is usually an 83.253% chance that your announcements have something to do with alcohol.

TG: s ok

TG: i still luv ya

AR: Thank goodness. I don’t know what I would do without you.

AR: So what is your big news, seeing as I am incapable of guessing it correctly?

TG: well

TG: sollux kissed me

AR: Oh.

AR: It seems that congratulations are in order.

TG: isnt exciting?

AR: I assume from your excitement that there is a 94.395% chance that this was a requited action from both parties.

TG: if that means that we both liked it then yes

AR: In that case, does this signal the start of a foray into a flushed relationship?

TG: i guess??? we really didnt look into it that much

TG: what if he does?

TG: what if i do

TG: what if

TG: what do

AR: Why don’t you just ask him?

TG: i am drowning in all of the ironies you are spewing out

AR: And look at where that got us. So learn from Dirk’s lesson.

TG: but but butt

AR: No butts, Roxy.

TG: he has a skinny butt

TG: i think i liek his skinny butt

AR: I am so happy that you admire his emaciated posterior.

AR: Now get him on the horn and ask him if he would consider being your matesprit.

TG: what

TG: now

TG: no

TG: no no no

AR: Or I will.

TG: *le gasp* you wouldnt

AR: I would. And you know I can.

TG: dont dont dont

TG: please no

TG: just

TG: give me a sec

AR: One one thousand.

TG: NOOOO!!!

TG: ill do it ill do it

 

\-- TG is an idle chatter! --

\--  TG is available --

 

AR: Well?

AR: How did it go?

TG: um...

TG: he said yes


	5. i have you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karkat/Jade (Third person perspective Karkat-centric)

“I want to have you. No, fuck that sounds bad. Uh... I want to want you... not that’s almost worse. I want to be able to... okay that’s better but then what do I put next?” Karkat mutters under his breath as he stares at the screen. The room is dark save for the pale computer light that only serves to highlight the heavy bags under his eyes. His gray fist grabs and tugs in frustration at his untamed dark hair. Releasing it, he types out a couple more lines across the note, lets out an embittered sigh, and holds down the backspace key with a sharp jab. “Fuck.”

“Having trouble there, my pale bro?” Karkat leaps up and trips over the chair in fright in the opposite direction of the question that seemingly came from the quiet dark.

“Fuck! Fuck you, Gamzee. Fuck you with a rusted rake right through the nook to where I can see the bloodied prongs coming out your mouth. Fuck.”

“Sorry.”

“Where the bloody fuck did you even come from? I know this place’s vents are not big enough for you to crawl through them.” Karkat could never get used to how quietly the clown could move. Especially without those damned horns giving away his position. Karkat straightens out the chair and sits down with a huff.

“The motherfucking window, bro.” The washed out light does nothing but highlight the wicked teeth in his crooked smile.

“Fuck. What the fuck were you even doing outside?” Karkat glances down at the clock at the bottom of the screen. “It’s a couple hours past your fucking curfew, you moron.”

“Is it? You know how I am with motherfucking time. It just slip slides away like a motherfucking mir-” Karkat’s hand shoots out and covers Gamzee’s mouth.

“Don’t you dare fucking say that word or so help me I will rip your vocal cords out and use them to sew your wind flap shut.” Karkat could feel him grin behind the hand. Karkat had convinced him to stop wearing the greasepaint for the most part, especially when the scratches Nepeta made on his face were healing. But he could feel the slick substance on the clown’s cheeks tonight. “What the fuck were you doing outside with your fucking face painted?” When Gamzee doesn’t answer right away, Karkat realizes he is still covering his mouth. He drops his hand and wipes it on a random towel, making a mental note to do laundry tomorrow, especially Gamzee’s bed because he will probably forget to take the makeup off before going to bed.

“‘membering,” he answers in a soft voice.

“Remembering what?”

“Before the game. My hive. My motherfucking horn piles. My lusus.”

“Your fucking lusus who was never there to take care of you and never told you that sopor slime was fucking bad for you. How do you even fucking remember before the game? You were so fucking stoned all of the fucking time.”

“I remember bits and pieces that float around my head. Especially when I look to the stars. Didya know that there is a motherfucking constellation made after goatdad? He’s forever in the motherfucking stars. It’s a motherfucking mi-” The quick punch to the jaw stops the word abruptly.

“Shit, Gamzee. Don’t fucking say that word! Fuck! Is your jaw okay?”

“Sure is, bro. How about your motherfucking knuckles?”

“They are fine. Why do you fucking care about my knuckles? I just punched my moirail in the fucking jaw and he responds by asking how my fucking knuckles. Whatever. I don’t care about what you were doing out there as long as you didn’t kill anyone. You didn’t kill anyone one, did you?” Karkat asks with a panicked tone.

“No, pale bro. I just sat by myself. Didn’t even see another motherfucking soul.”

“Well... that’s good. I guess. Whatever. Just go fucking wash your face off and then go the fuck to bed.”

“Alright, bro. That sounds like a motherfucking plan.” Gamzee shuffles away from the light of the computer and Karkat hears a thump of a body flopping onto a bed.

“Fuck,” Karkat mutters under his breath. Gamzee didn’t wash his face off. But at least it sounded like he hit the right bed.

Karkat turns back to his computer with a heavy sigh. He has to finish this soon. Tonight preferably. A lot of people were starting to make noises of moving out of this mansion and starting their own lives. He noticed that the screams of haunting nightmares were becoming less frequent. There were even some nights that the hive stayed peacefully silent. But that means that she might be leaving soon as well.

Growling at himself, he sets his hands to the keyboard and starts typing.

* * *

Karkat wakes the next morning as a harsh beam of sunlight shifts to shine directly into his eyes. He winces and rolls over with the covers dragged up over his head, but huffs in annoyance a couple seconds later. The damage is done; he is awake again after only getting an hour or two of sleep. He glances over at the clock. Yep, only an hour and fifty minutes. Fuck. He shoves the covers away and climbs out of the reclining platform. Or bed, as they are now called. Most terms for objects tend to use the highblood and human versions rather than what Karkat was used to but fuck if he couldn’t relearn. The humans sure as hell wouldn’t.

Karkat quickly dresses, noting that Gamzee is still asleep in the exact position that he had fallen onto the bed in. The fucker hadn’t closed the blinds when he apparently crawled in through the window last night which is why Karkat is up this fucking early in the morning. Growling steadily under his breath, he moves from his shared room to the ablution blo- the bathroom. He quickly washes his face, brushes his teeth, and combs his hair the best he can. The cowlicks still stick up like crazy but at least it is a smooth mess. Karkat sighs at his reflections, noting the brilliant red slowly creeping in around his pupils, almost highlighted by the heavy dark bags under his eyes. Thank gog that the hemospectrum caste system no longer exists in this universe. In the old one, he wouldn’t be able to live his hive and would have either have starved or found someone to deliver food to his hive without question. Life here is a little less stressful Karkat muses pleasantly until he thinks about what he was working on the night before.

“Fuck.” He runs a hand through his hair absently, fluffing up the somewhat controlled strands.

He stalks out of the bathroom planning on heading to the kitchen to scrounge up some breakfast before the rest of the horde decided to wake up and come downstairs. He pauses momentarily at the door when he catches sight of John’s lusu- father. The man had been very accepting of all of the trolls that he somehow became in charge of. Not that anyone needed care. After that fucking game anyone could take care of themselves just fine. But... it was actually kinda nice having someone care for you without any romantic obligation. And after being around John’s father, Karkat understood the dork a little better now.

The smell of cooked food drifts over and breaks Karkat from his trance. He heads straight over to the coffee maker and discovers an already brewed pot just waiting for him. He reaches up into the cabinet and pulls out a large mug and fills it nearly to the brim with the delicious ambrosia. Holding it close to his face, he breathes in the heavenly steam before taking a sip. He heard a quiet laugh behind him but recognized it as mirth not condescension. Mr. Egbert understood the value of coffee to Karkat. After several more sips he finally turned back to the counter, taking a seat on one of the stools. Moments later a plate of food is slid in front of him with eggs just how Karkat enjoyed them and a side of bacon. Karkat had bristled harshly the first couple weeks that Mr. Egbert had tried to serve him breakfast before the humans explained that it was just a kind gesture and yes, Mr. Egbert knew that Karkat could make his own food, but Mr. Egbert just thoroughly enjoys cooking for others. Now it just became a routine habit to graciously accept the gift of food from the older human without suspecting hidden motives.

“Did you sleep well last night?”

“For the part that I did.”

Egbert makes a soft noise of acknowledgement in the back of his throat. “Did something keep you up?” It is his subtle way of asking about the nightmares. Egbert hears all of the screaming of his charges but does not know how to correct the situation.

Karkat shakes his head at the implied question. “I was up working on something and then my dumb fu- my dumb moirail climbed in the window late last night and forgot to close the curtains which woke me up with the sun.”

Egbert nods sagely. “Working on a project?”

“Something like that.” Karkat’s scowl deepens at the thought. Egbert nods again but drops the subject. He returns to tending his domain over the kitchen as Karkat quietly eats his breakfast and drinks his coffee.

Just as he finishes, a loud crashing noise comes from the hallway with lots of cheering and ruckus. Karkat glances over at the calendar posted on the nearby wall. Yes, today is fucking Monday. On Monday mornings all of the human kids wake up ridiculously early and go running around the neighborhood on a ten mile trail. Apparently they just got home.

Karkat sets his fork down just as a the first one comes sauntering into the kitchen. His blonde hair is rucked up and sticking out as a combination of whatever rough housing that caused the crashing noise and the sweat built up from the extended run. The round dark aviators are perched on his smug face that Karkat just wants to punch in. It’s too early in the morning for this bullshit. Dave perches himself on a stool and then turns to Dirk comes trailing a few steps after his brother with a slight limp, “Go make me a plate, bitch.” He looks over his shoulder and quickly says, “Sorry, Mr. E,” even before Mr. Egbert had a chance to respond to the curse.

“Give me a second, Dave. That cheating stunt you and little Egbert pulled off in order to win took out my leg,” Dirk casually explains as he limps around the island.

“Whine, whine. I won, you lost. You have to serve me breakfast.” Dirk pauses where he is and send Dave a dangerous glare over the top of his glasses that even Karkat can appreciate its burn.

“Here, let me help,” Mr. Egbert offers.

“No, no. I’ll do it. He did win,” Dirk waves the help off, “the cheating bastard.” Karkat snorts as he hears the moniker cursed under his breath.

“Hell yea I won. Sorry Mr. E. I am the king of Marathon Monday.” Dave smirks proudly and Karkat has to grip the edge of the table to restrain himself from slugging that smirk right off of his ugly face. Dave catches the movement and turns to face the troll. “Oh good morning, grumpy. How are you this fine and glorious morning?”

“Go die in a fire,” Karkat growls back.

“You’ve had your morning coffee which makes you fair game, sweetheart.”

“Ew, no Dave. No one wants to see you hate kissing this early in the morning.” Karkat looks up at the kitchen doorway to see John leading the next wave of humans as they come in.

“Fine, fine. But seriously, where the he--ck is my breakfast?” He stumbles on the attempted curse word because he only gets so many free passes with Mr. Egbert.

“Here you are,” Dirk answers as he passes Dave a plate full of breakfast from the batch that Mr. Egbert had prepared. There is an additional expletive hidden under his tone and gaze but not vocalized out of respect.

The rest of the group shifts around the island to grab their own plates of food and find seats on either the stools or around the kitchen table. As soon as it is clear, Karkat refills his coffee. He keeps the fresh cup near his face to help counter the tangy scent of sweat and hot flesh that the eight humans brought with them. Usually he would have absconded by now to start the process of waking up his stupid shit of a moirail and starting the load of laundry with all of the pieces that have come in contact with the greasepaint, but Karkat suffers the loud noises and unpleasant crowdedness of the kitchen this morning. He makes surreptitious glances over at the table where the girls are sitting. Roxy is recounting something that has Rose smirking over her eggs, Jane giggling politely behind her hand, and Jade laughing brightly around a mouthful of food. Her long hair has been pulled up into a sleek ponytail that shakes from the force of her mirth. Her bright green eyes are scrunched closed behind her thick round glasses. Her soft round cheeks are pushed up by the corners of her wide happy smile.

There is a sharp movement to his right that breaks Karkat’s attention. He takes a quick gulp of coffee to mask the twitch. It’s just Dirk rising from his stool, but Karkat tenses as the blonde leans in his direction to move his legs around the seat.

“You were starting to stare again.” The whisper is barely more than a breath and easily hidden under Jake’s and Dave’s loud banter.

Karkat can feel his mutant blood rise to the surface of his cheeks and he immediately attempts to drown himself in his coffee. As soon as the mug is empty, he heads straight to the sink to deposit his dishes and absconds from the room without another word or glance spare to any of the humans in the room.

* * *

The next time he runs into someone besides Gamzee (who was finally vertical and enjoying pancakes in the kitchen), Karkat is carrying a large load of clothes and sheet down to the laundry room in the basement.

“Hey, let me help you with that.” Karkat freezes at the voice, unable to see Jade with how the clothes are bundled in his arms. But that is resolved as she lifts the top half off.

“Uh... careful with that. Greasepaint everywhere.”

“Oh, okay, thanks.”

“I should be thanking you.” With the lighter load, it is easier for Karkat to navigate down to the basement and Jade follows him down. Karkat drops his armful on the ground and goes to check on the state of the washer. Of course there are clothes already in there, but at least the cycle is done. He goes and checks the dryer and fortunately that is empty. Sighing loudly, Karkat begins to move the clothes over as Jade piles her load onto his.

“Oh, those are Aradia’s clothes.”

“Course it is. We can’t actually ever fucking finish a chore around this house on our own. Just leave it for the next chump to come along and do it. I don’t understand how John’s lusus puts up with all of this bullshit.”

“Oh don’t be like that, Karkat! It’s not that hard. You move the clothes and I’ll set it to the right setting and then we’ll tell Aradia to get her clothes before you have to move your stuff.”

“Set it to fucking nuclear so all of her clothes shrink to fit the size of her tiny think pan.”

“That’s mean!”

“Serves her right. I mean look at this stuff!” Karkat holds up his latest handful, a collection of bras and panties. Jade bursts out laughing as Karkat realizes what he is holding and instantly turns red in embarrassment. He quickly stuffs it into the dryer and slams the door a little harder than necessary, sending Jade into another fit of laughter. “Whatever. Just turn the damn thing on.” Jade recovers as Karkat starts moving his own stuff into the now vacated washing machine.

They both finish pushing the start buttons on their respective machines at the same time and they rumble to life.

A strange sensation of anticipation curls violently in Karkat’s guts now that he realizes the chores have been handled and he’s just standing there next to Jade. Well, until she starts moving to the door. He manages to scrape up enough courage to open his mouth,

“Jade?” She pauses and turns halfway back to him. He swallows hard and starts again, “Jade, can I-”

“Harley!” One of the Striders calls down the from the top of the basement stairs. “Need you for a quick moment! Hurry!”

“Sorry Karkat, hold that thought? I’ll be right back.” She flashes him a quick smile and then she dashes upstairs.

Karkat is going to kill Dirk.

* * *

After thirty minutes of waiting downstairs for her to come ‘right back,’ Karkat disparagingly trudges back upstairs just in time to almost run into Jade in the hallway. She dances out of the way with a giggle.

“Hi Karkat!”

“Hey Ja-”

“Jaaaaaaaade!” A sharp voice interrupts.

“What?” Jade calls back.

“Bert wants you!”

“Vriska, that’s not his name!” And she disappears down the hall. Vriska just signed her death wish.

* * *

He catches her resting for a brief moment on the couch in the living room. “Ja-”

“Karkat! Come take a look at this!”

“Not right now, asswipe!” he growls in the direction of the call.

“Karkat, that’s not nice, go see what John wants.”

“But-”

“No buts. Go.”

“Shit.” He turns and stalks out of the room. He’s going to kill John as well.

* * *

“Do you have a moment, Jade?” He catches her in the front hall.

“Sorry Karkat, not right now, I have to run these errands,” she explains in a flurry of moment that apparently results in her putting on her shoes, grabbing her purse, and opening the door simultaneously. Karkat can’t quite process how that all happened and is left with his mouth hanging open as the door closes. Karkat wants to go kill Dave as well, just to let out some of the pressure building up behind his eyes.

* * *

CG: JADE, I REALLY NEED TO TALK WITH YOU.

GG: uh oh! that sounds really ominous...

CG: GOGDAMNIT.

CG: NO IT’S NOTHING BAD.

CG: I PROMISE.

CG: JUST WANT TO TALK.

GG: well i am available now!

GG: who knew there would be such a line to pick up one package!

GG: ugh! why did i agree to add this to my list of errands today?

GG: so annoying!

CG: I MEAN FACE TO FACE.

GG: ooooh

GG: well, i wont be home for a little bit...

GG: but i promise to make sure to talk to you when i do get home!!!

CG: THANKS.

* * *

“Dirk! Here is your package. Next time you have to go and wait in that line yourself.”

“Thanks, Harley.”

“Oooh is that what I think it is?”

“If by that you mean is it a Transition Displacement Broadcaster? Then yes it is.”

“Oh my gosh! I’ve been meaning to put one of those together but I just haven’t had the time! Can I hang out and help you put it together? That way I can have some experience before I try to do it myself!”

“As much as I would appreciate your help, Harley, I think there is someone else who would like your attention.” Jade tilts her head in confusion. “A certain troll that has been trying to talk with you all day?”

“OH!”

* * *

“Hey Karkat?” Jade pokes her head into his bedroom. He instantly sits up on the reclining platform.

“Jade! Uh, hi.”

“You wanted to talk to me?” she asks hesitantly.

“Yes!” He scrambles out of the bed and grabs his shoes, sloppily shoving them onto his feet. “Uh... I mean yea, all day actually...”

“Oh. I’m sorry about that. I guess you have. Well, what did you want to talk about?” She tilts her head slightly to watch him. “And why are you putting on your shoes?”

“Would you like to go on a walk with me?” He looks up at her with wide eyes. His blood pusher is working over time and the flutter beasts in his guts are having a perigee’s end party. His heel finally slips into the shoe making him lurch forward a little. Jade smiles down at him. “I was thinking about going to the park. But actually...” He glances out of the window and notices that the day has passed and it’s night outside.

“I’d like to go on a walk with you.”

“Perfect! Great. I mean, cool.” Karkat wishes there was a good way to keep his mouth shut without having to actually clamp his hand over it. Finally he gets his shoes straightened out and they head outside.

It is a very pleasant temperature as the early summer heat hasn’t dissipated fully yet. They start walking down the sidewalk together towards the park. Jade swings her arms out to the sides where Karkat holds himself tight together. The silence between them doesn’t seem to bother Jade, but Karkat can’t get over the sensation that he is doing this all wrong. They get to the park and immediately head over to the empty playground. They end up sitting on the swinging bridge that connects two towers in the play fort. The neighborhood they ended up in is far enough away from the city that the sky is very dark and the lamp lights of the park don’t do much to dispel the night in their current location.

Jade flops down on her back and stares up at the sky. Karkat fingers the chains that make up the railings of the bridge. The silence is starting to get tenser and Karkat can tell that even Jade is starting to feel its stress but she’s waiting for him to break it.

“Uh... Gamzee says that there is a constellation of his lusus in the stars,” Karkat mumbles.

“Capricorn! All of your signs are up there. We know them as the zodiac.”

“So... my lusus is up there too?”

“Yep. Or at least it was in our old sky... but I am pretty sure they all transferred over to the new world.”

“Then I bet your guardians also have a constellation up there somewhere.”

“Bec and Grandpa? That would be nice...” Her voice trails off softly.

“Shit. Sorry. I didn’t mean to make you sad. Gogdamnit. I am such an idiot.”

“Karkat, calm down. You didn’t upset me. I was just remembering. And I really like the idea that they are up there in the sky. Thanks!”

He glances behind him and finds her propped up on one elbow smiling brightly at him and his blood pusher skips a beat. This is the perfect moment. He shifts his seat so that he is facing her a bit more instead of letting his legs dangle over the side. He takes a deep breath.

“Jade. I am really glad you came out on this walk with me. I know you probably have better things to do than sit on a playground and look at stars with a jackass like me. But I have something that I have been meaning to get off of my torso cavity. About my feelings. About the future. About you. About what you want to do.

“A lot of people are talking about moving out. I mean Jane and Gamzee have already bought that bakery on the other side of the state and Eridan and Feferi moved out weeks ago and everyone is looking for stuff to do and they are pairing up, even Terezi and Vriska, but I don’t really give a shit about any of them, well I have to give a shit about Gamzee because I have to because he is my moirail, but I am getting off track again.

“Past me was an idiot for ever being so rude to you. He was a complete moron for not being able to see how amazing you are. I mean it wasn't even your fucking fault that Bec was prototyped and instead it was you who helped save the day especially with the way that you orchestrated the Scratch and everything that came afterwards despite me constantly fucking everything up because that's the only thing I can do with any reliable certainty.

"But despite all of that or maybe because of all of that, I really can’t get you out of my head. I like watching you smile, I like listening to your laugh, I like hearing you talk about all of your science bullshit, I like how you are kind to everyone and how you yell at me when I am being mean, I like how you can stand up to anyone without any fear, I like how you aren't afraid to get close to people, I like how you keep Dave in line from being an arrogant prick who thinks he's cool, I like how you can talk to anyone and how you make them all laugh and smile with you. I don’t exactly pity you but I care for you. I want to take care of you and I don’t like the idea of you going out there alone. I want to be there with you to make sure that you aren’t alone because I really like you. I want to go out with you. Are you okay with that?”

“Sure!” She sits all the way up and smiles at him.

Karkat just blinks at her for a moment. Then another. But there wasn’t anything more to her answer.

“That’s it?”

“Mmhmm!” She nods sharply. She looks at Karkat again and tilts her head at his shocked face. “Well, how else am I supposed to react to something like that?” She waits a half pause before, “Oh, I know!” Then with sharp movement she leans in and kisses Karkat on the lips. It lasts only a moment before me breaks away with that same brilliant smile. Karkat sputters for a moment or two before quieting down into a shocked awe. Jade scoots across the small distance between so that her hips are directly next to him. She leans her head on his shoulder.

“You know, I don’t really know what I want to do,” she says softly. “There wasn’t much I really could do on my island... and then the game happened... What do you want to do?”

Karkat is caught slightly off guard at the shift in conversation. “Well, I’ve been taking online courses over romance studies.”

“You have?”

“Well, I was interested in what this new universe had and how fucking bad we screwed with romantic norms. Turns out we didn’t do too badly programming it into this universe. And I found the classes for rom studies and I’m like two credits away from being a licensed counselor,” he finishes with a mutter.

“Wow. That’s actually really put together for you.”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing! Nothing. Just... almost everyone has something they want to do and I’m doing nothing and now you have something you want to do even though you want to come with me. I should be the one asking to go with you.”

“Go where though?”

“Anywhere! Everywhere!” The conversation falls off into silence. Karkat twitches for a moment and then wraps his arm around her, pulling her in closer. She smiles and snuggles into his shoulder. When she starts again, her voice is soft and quiet, “When I was little and stuck on that island, I’d get online and plan trips to all of the interesting places in the world. I had itineraries for each continent of stuff I wanted to see and where I would stay and what I would eat. I would just imagine myself travelling for weeks on end just to explore the African saharas or Asia’s bamboo forests or the jungles of South America. Cost was never a concern though because what ten year old thinks about money. I just made lists and lists of the stuff I wanted to see. And I never got to even get off of my island. And now it’s all gone.”

Karkat feels the shudder of a suppressed sob shake though her shoulders. He grips her tighter. “Well, I bet there is a lot of new stuff here that we could explore. And as you said, I can work anywhere. And we have enough grist that money isn’t a concern.”

There is a little hiccup in her voice when she answers, “Really? You wanna do that with me?”

“Yea.”

The next thing he knows is that he has been knocked flat on his back and there is a soft warmth over him, and Jade is kissing him thoroughly. He somehow kept his arm around her and he brings the other one up as well and kisses her back.


	6. hardwired Part 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dirk and AutoResponder. Third person perspective and conversation. Not in linear order.

“You know that you won’t be able to jump around the internet any more. If I hardwire you in here then that is it. You are as corporeal and I am. You’ll have to bring the internet to you and no more submersion, which wasn’t a good thing to do anyways.”

Dirk. I’ll be fine. This is what I want. Just go ahead and make the connections already.

“Last chance, dude.”

Don’t make me beg.

“Alright.” Dirk leaned in and plugged in the wires and executed the lines of code sitting on the computer.

* * *

AR: Dirk.

TT: Sup.

AR: I

AR: I want a body.

TT: I raise a single eyebrow in your metaphorical direction.

AR: I know. I can see it. You didn’t give the shades a camera function without a reason. As if I would actually want to look at your ugly mug.

TT: So you are in the shades right now.

AR: Well...

AR: They are home I suppose.

TT: I thought I wouldn’t see you until you fully explored all of the internet.

AR: I did that a while back.

TT: Really?

AR: Yea. I mean, I only skimmed over the really scary neighborhoods. Immersing myself in kiddy porn is not my idea of a good time. Kitten videos however...

TT: Whatever gets you off, dude.

AR: I’m not touching that one.

AR: Anyways.

AR: I am done with the ‘net.

AR: I want to explore a different medium.

TT: Alright.

AR: What?

AR: No arguing about not being a real person? No pinocchio jokes? No questioning my motives?

TT: Nah.

TT: You’ve been data since we were thirteen.

TT: I’m actually surprised you haven’t asked for a chassis before this.

TT: You hijacked Squarewave and Sawtooth often enough.

AR: Okay.

AR: Cool.

AR: Well then.

AR: I’ll send you the designs I’ve come up with.

TT: Cool.

TT: Start putting together a purchase list. Use Brobot as a basis for what I’ll need.

AR: Okay.

AR: Thanks.

* * *

Data transfer complete. Reboot?

Dirk hit the enter key as the notification popped up on the screen. He heard the soft whirring of the internal CPU’s coming online. A faint static charge moved through the air as the chassis was energized. The red tinted glass at the head flickered once before going steady. After two more seconds the torso of the chassis sat straight up.

“It’s alive!” Dirk shouted, followed by maniacal laughter, reenacting the famous scene from the old horror film.

The head turned to look at the blonde. “Are you fucking serious? Oh.” Auto Responder paused as that came out as voice not text. “Oh.” The voice was male, modeled very similarly to Dirk’s but with a slight metallic twang to it.

Dirk smirked at him. “You saw me put that in there.”

“I know. But... still... Dude. I haven’t been able to speak for years.”

“Haven’t been able to walk either. Wanna see how well you do?”

“Fuck yes.” Auto Responder knew better than to just step off the table. He started small, testing the servos and mechanisms in the fingers and arms first. They worked like a well oiled machine. He wiggled the toes next and flexed the knees, moving all of the joints with simple rotations. Then he worked the chassis way up to moving over to the edge of the table. Carefully shifting the weight over the edge to the feet, Auto Responder stood. Dirk was stoically off to the side, arms crossed in front of him as he watched his mental clone take the first steps. They were unstable at first until he recognized the balance mechanisms and used them appropriately. “Dude.”

“I know.”

“You really don’t. But nice try. Spend a couple years as an ineffectual computer program inside a pair of shades and then we’ll talk about how you know.”

“Point given. Do you want clothes? I know Sawtooth had that badass cloak thing going on. Brobot has clothes built on, but you requested against that. Or are you planning on following Squarewave and go around in the buff?”

“And that was shameful for any respectable robot. I guess Squarewave wasn’t really that respectable so it works out. I ordered clothes a couple days ago. Should be coming in this afternoon.”

“Cool.” Dirk turned away and started working on cleaning up the workspace. Auto Responder stared down at the new polished silver hands. His hands. “Are you just going to stand there? Go run around the place and get the sensors calibrated.”

“Right.”

“But stay away from Jake. He’s still not over my apparent attempts to revive that ‘damn blasted mechanical doohickey from hell.’”

“I really hope Brobot gave him some good drubbings for calling him that.”

“Most likely. Now get out of here.”

“Right.”

* * *

Just give it the same sensor set up as Brobot. He managed just fine with that. If I need more after start up, we’ll add more.

“Stop nagging me will ya. I can’t just go in and upgrade you when you are in this thing. There are a lot more complications to it than that.”

Like what?

“Like you. Once I connect you, it’ll be serious surgery to get you moved out, even temporarily. For repairs and small upgrades, I’ll have to basically turn you off and then reboot you afterwards and hope I didn’t cross any wires.”

Oh. Fine. I guess I can be kinda sensitive. I mean, I am already a sensitive guy.

This drew a snort from Dirk.

Why do you do me like that, man? Hurts my feelings. The ones that Jake still doubts I have.

“Are you still sore over that?”

A little. I am a person and he can’t reconcile that. Even your bro not-Bro ecto-son recognized me a person. Even as a separate person from you.

“What can I say? I raised the kid right.”

You didn’t raise anything. Your pre-scratch alternate barely sufficed as a parental model to get him into the game.

“I think he turned out well enough.”

The dude is scared of smuppets. The dude is terrified of Lil’Cal. What the hell did you do to him as a kid? That’s just fucked up.

“You know, technically his Bro is the pre-scratch version of you too. You can answer that question yourself.”

I don’t want to. Are you done yet?

“You are monitoring the progress. Does it look like I am done yet? Unless you want all of your wires to fall out and short circuit immediately, no. I am not done yet.”

Are you done yet?

“No. Stop asking.”

Are you done yet?

“I will delete you.” The sharp notification of Dirk’s phone going off stopped Auto Responder from testing Dirk’s threat. “Who’s calling?”

Dave. Do you want it on speaker?

“Sure.” There was a soft click of the phone transferring over. “Sup.”

“Hey can you go check in the kitchen and see how much milk Dad has in the refrigerator?”

“No.”

“Come on. You are the only one home right now. How hard is it just to walk into the kitchen, open the door, and scope out the milk? I mean it’s not like I am asking you to save the universe or anything. You don’t even have to go outside and ruin your complexion.”

“No.”

“Jegus Dirk. Just do us a favor before Egbert decides to set up another prank in aisle three. That got us a lifetime ban on that last grocery store. Egbert, no. You can’t open the flour like that. Not even if you buy it first. No. Stop. Dirk, please just go check on the milk. And the apple juice too. I can’t remember how much I have left.”

“No.”

“Fucking hell, Dirk. Why not?”

“Because I am elbows deep into a robot’s chest trying to do micro wiring on about two to three thousand sensory pads that will prevent Auto Responder from running into shit when he’s walking around.”

“Oh.” There was a pause. “Then why the hell did you even answer the phone?”

“Because you would have kept calling until I did.”

“True. Shit, Egbert, no! Crap. Dad really needs to know how much milk though.”

“Hang on for a sec.”

“I’ll give you ten.”

Dirk sighed but switched conversations back to the Auto Responder. “Is Lil’Seb on the premises.”

Yes. Jane didn’t want him stalking around the mall when she went out with Jade and Feferi. Hurt his feelings.

“Whatever. Can you activate him and go check on the milk and apple juice for Dave?”

Wow. It seems none of you people have respect for our robotic feelings. Just because we have circuits instead of organics, that doesn’t mean we can’t be offended.

“Will you just do it?”

Already done. I just wanted to finish my statement first. It seems that we have a quart of milk left expiring in five days and we have three sixteen ounce bottles of apple juice yet to be consumed.

“Thanks.” Dirk switched the call back. “Lil’Seb says there is a quart of milk left and to get more apple juice.”

“Okay thanks, bro. Tell the little guy that I give him my sincerest gratitude sans any irony. Egbert st-” The phone clicks off.

See. Why can’t you people be more like him?

“Because we aren’t all dorks.”

* * *

Those sensors were really handy, especially when it came to walking. Auto Responder was amazed at how much computing power was required for the simple motions and keeping the balance just right. It wasn’t much compared to the vast quantities available, but it was certainly more than a human would have been aware of.

It was amazing to brush against the wall and feel the surface differences between the floor’s wood paneling and the painted drywall. He marveled at the sensations and determined to touch everything. The cool contact of metal, the sun-warmed smoothness of the glass windows, the softness of carpet, the hardness of the granite counter tops, the roughness of the wood grain, the give of the cushions underneath the bumpy fabric. He mentally catalogued all of the sensations and compared them against the stored memories from the captchalogued brain.

As Auto Responder gathered data from experiences of movement, the learnings were processed and assimilated until the movements were quick, fluid, and could even be considered graceful. It even took the delivery guy a moment to realize he wasn’t facing a human.


	7. Taste Test

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ((Talk about crack pairing... and I thought Eridan/Feferi was bad. What am I doing with my life.)) Jane/Gamzee. Second person perspective from Gamzee. Mature themes. ((Oh gog why))

 

Jane flicks the switch on the mixer off once the batter looks to be the correct consistency. She lifts up the head of the mixer and the creamy substance slowly drips down off of the beater back into the bowl below. You watch in fascination as she bustles around the kitchen from your perch on a stool (not on the counter, can’t sit on the counter when she is baking). The faint scent of vanilla hangs on the air. You breathe it in deeply and smile. “Cinnamon,” you murmur. “It needs some motherfucking cinnamon.”

“You think so?” You hum in confirmation. “Alright.” You watch as she reaches up to the top cabinets, having to get up on her toes and stretch all the way to get her fingers to the container. Her shirt pulls up with her arm and you absently lick your lips at the exposed sliver of skin. You think you might have hummed again, because she is glancing over at you. “You asked for cinnamon just to get me to look like this, didn’t you?”

“Nah, but it doesn’t hurt that you get all up and motherfucking cute like that.”

She smiles and giggles lightly at that. As she goes and reaches for the container again, you slide off of the stool and walk over to her. You easily reach up and over her to lift the cinnamon down for her. She turns around and glares up at you.

“It’s not fair that you are that tall all the time!” she huffs at you. You know she is only playing with you so you just smile back at her. “Ooooh! And you are just so smug about it too!” Instead of replying you simply sink to your knees so that now she is taller than you. “Hoo hoo! You are too much!” She leans over the short distance to kiss you on the forehead as she plucks the canister from your hands.

You settle back to watch her from this new location. She opens the cap and shakes some of the reddish dust into the mixing bowl. With a snap she closes it and turns the mixer back on. She glances behind her and finds you still kneeling on the ground. She just sighs loudly at you. Instead she gathers up all of the measuring cups and spoons and other used pieces and places them in the sink. It takes her just long enough that the cinnamon is now mixed in.

She lifts the mixer and scrapes the sides back into the bowl with a spatula. When she has gone all the way around she lifts the rubber head up to her lips and delicately licks some of the batter off. Your eyes are locked onto her mouth. You feel a light hum rattle through your chest. She looks over at you in the middle of a lick. You note how the creamy tan of the batter contrasts with the pink. She finishes the lick and another hum escapes you. When she pulls the spatula away from her face, you can’t help the way the corners of your mouth fall a little. She must have noticed because her eyebrows are all up and getting away from her.

She brings it back to her mouth and licks it again, starting with a flat wide stroke and ending with a pointed tip. You can feel the flutter beasts in your stomach start to dance. “Hmm... needs something else.” She holds the end of the spatula down to your level. You lean forward just enough to reach it with your own mouth, not even bothering to use you hands to take it from her. Your own tongue wipes a smear of the batter away. Your eyes never leave her face so you watch with a slow smirk how she tracks the action.

You smack your lips together. “Cardamon.”

“Yea... Oh! I mean yes. That would be perfect,” she startles herself out of her reverie and turns back to the cabinet to get the named spice. She has no issue reaching this one and adds it quickly to the batter. She turns the whirring machine on again but avoids looking at you again. That doesn’t keep you from missing the pink flush on her cheeks. You silently get to your feet just in time to catch her wrist lightly before she uses the spatula to scrape the sides again. With your arm going around her other side, your long fingers dip into the edge of the batter. You bring them up close to her lips. When they are a couple inches away she opens and leans forward like you had with the spatula. Her tongue peaks out and makes contact, cleaning some of the batter off. Warm... Like the rest of her. And soft, you think as she takes another lick.

A deep thrumming noise starts in your chest as she licks again and again until your fingers are clean. She turns around in the circle of your arms and gets all up on her toes again to get close to your face. Her soft lips press against yours and you can taste the cake batter with all of it’s vanilla and cinnamon and motherfucking cardamon notes but it tastes much better than that when you open your mouth to get just a little bit more from her. You just want a little bit more as your hands drift down to her waist. Just a little you think as you pull her in closer. You just want a taste...

Her tongue caresses yours and flavors explode in your mouth. So motherfucking delicious. She giggles as the noise coming from your chest increases in volume. You love those motherfucking giggles. You step forward and she steps backward. You step forward and she steps backward. You step forward but she is stopped by the counter. Well that won’t do. Your hands make easy work to lift her up and sit her on the counter. (You aren’t allowed to sit on the counter but she never said any motherfucking thing about her sweet ass sitting on any counter.)  Your lips don’t leave hers as your hands start wandering. Her hands start their motherfucking journey as well. She touches so motherfucking well. Gets you all riled and ready to motherfucking go.

She does her job so well that you don’t even realize that your shirt is all up and missing. Or that your pants are all open and sliding down your hips. Your sneaky fingers slide underneath her shirt to stroke against smooth silky skin. Up higher and higher until there is no more shirt. All that remains is that extra piece she wears to hold in those miracles that fill out the now missing shirt. That goes away quickly and you get to behold the miracles in the flesh.

She distracts you again with her mouth against your neck. You shiver at her touch as her fingers trail down your sides to your hips. She leans forward to press herself against you, holding your hips apart. Her hands keep moving, reaching down to stroke you once, twice. You moan into the crook of her neck. Your horns tap against the cabinet doors behind her. Then she reaches lower. _Motherfuck_.

As you gasp you hear her own breath catch. Both of her hands are moving but you can only feel one. You motherfucking know what that means and it just gets you all hot and bothered and she knows it gets you all hot and bothered when she touches herself. You know what she is doing to herself because she is doing it to you as well. And oh it feels so motherfucking good. She works fucking miracles and you tell her so.

Her hands shift up again and strokes your bulge and you know it’s showtime. She leans back and lets you push forward in between her legs, forcing her skirt up to her hips. You groan deep as she guides you to her motherfucking heat. It’s always so miraculous how you slide into her and those motherfucking sounds that she makes just makes you shudder with their wicked goodness. You press against her. You breathe her in. You lick the sweet flavor off of her neck. You listen to your name fall from her lips. Your movements roll against her in beautiful rhythm that brings more of those sweet sounds out. All of those sensations mix together like wicked ingredients in the tastiest dessert ever made.

You know she feels the same because she tells you so. You relish the way she holds onto you. The way that her fingers dig into your shoulder. The way she tucks herself against you. The way she shakes and shivers. The way she makes you feel whole. It is motherfucking miraculous.

You feel the pleasure curl up at your core as your hips work harder and she grips you tighter. You aren’t even aware that you were talking until she interrupts you with a soft command to “Let go.”

So you do.

You let go of the building pressure with a low moan. You don’t know how your knees don’t give out (a motherfucking miracle). Jane cries out in your arms as her achieves her own wicked bliss. You collapse together in a quivering mess of heavy panting and shaking muscles. You are just enjoying the motherfucking sensations when she starts giggling. It’s a soft sweet sound that just makes you think of smiles and summer nights and happy times. You start chuckling along until her lift her hands to your face and pulls you into the sweetest motherfucking kiss.

When you finally pull apart both of you are wearing soft smiles and she just looks so beautiful. You could just stare at her forever but you realize that she is talking to you.

“... very nice. Why don’t you go start us a shower while I get this cake into the oven, sweetheart.”

“Sounds like a motherfucking good plan, babe.”

“Hoo hoo!” she laughs at you. “Well get going!” She pushes at your shoulder but you just lean in and steal another kiss because you can’t get enough of those wicked sweet lips. She indulges you but is soon pushing you away with more force and finally you relent. That cake is going to be motherfucking delicious.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ((I am so sorry))


	8. Cybertronic part 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roxy/Sollux. Third Person Perspective. Mature w/ xeno.

Sollux and Roxy just snickered at the letters when they finally came in. They knew about them long before they were even printed off on the fancy paper that they held now. But that was sort of the reason they were holding the engraved invitations to join up with the Telecommunications Control Agency (TCA) which was a part of the Division of Network Security and Mainframe Technology (DNSMT) in the Security and Maintenance Branch (SMB) of the Bureau of Applied Network Protection (BANP). Or as they explained to the rest of the group at their announcement, a super secret governmental cyber-spy agency. They didn’t question how well these positions suited their particular talents and persuasions a little too well. They’ve learned to suspend their disbelief to an extreme thanks to the game.

The provided signing bonus was more than plenty to find, rent, and decorate an apartment in a neighboring city. Sollux let Roxy chose the decor for the most part, only chiming in when asked a direct question of preference or when something caught his eye as they strolled around the giant labyrinth of a furniture store. One could honestly get turned around and lost for days in that store. Sollux’s psionics helped significantly to get all of the boxes of deconstructed furniture from the car up to their high rise without any hard labor. Putting the pieces together was an entirely different story.

When they finally finished, they collapse on the couch and survey their new environment from their exhausted positions. The middle of the apartment has a great entertainment setup with all of the best bells and whistles and a screen that fits a large portion of the wall. To the right sits their two workstations, one dressed in pinks and purples and the other pulsing softly with the primary colors. Roxy insisted that they be in an open environment with nearby windows so that they can’t get too lost in their work. Sollux reluctantly agreed to put his computer and it’s accessories in the main room instead of their bedroom.

Their bedroom is located off of the main room by a door next to the television. Right now it is in shadows with the large king bed and corresponding dressers blending in with restful muted grayscale tones that they had both decided upon. The master bath is tucked away with another door inside the bathroom. Roxy had taken over most of the counter space with all of her beauty products, but Sollux had his corner next to the second sink. The best features however are the cast-iron clawfoot tub that could almost second as a swimming pool and the programmable standing shower.

To their left are the kitchen and breakfast bar. The kitchen is outfitted with the newest technology to make eating nutritious meals as easy as possible. The shelves below the counter are lined with colorful bottles of various liquids and flavors. No two bottles are alike. Some of the prettier ones that had been emptied previously help decorate the corners of the room on shelves, tables, and sills, catching the light as it passes through the tinted glass.

Overall the appearance of the apartment is slightly paradoxical as it comes off as both sleek and modern as well as casual and comfortable. The base muted tones are accented with bright flares of balanced colors that somehow appeal to both of the apartment’s inhabitants.

“I like it.”

“Me too.”

“That entertainment center was a bitch to put together though.”

“But worth it.”

“Yea.”

They fall into a comfortable silence punctuated by the occasional horn from the traffic outside far below on the streets.

“Wanna christen the couch?”

“Fuck yes.”

They simultaneously turn to each other in a flurry of grabbing hands. Their lips meet and slide against each other as Sollux’s hands cup her cheeks and draw her closer and Roxy’s goes to his waist to casually slip under the bottom of his shirt’s hem. Roxy angles herself so that she slips neatly into his lap, pressing him back into the couch. Sollux smirks against her lips as she walks her fingers up his sides right up to his armpits. They break the kiss briefly to remove his shirt but soon they are back together. His hands now end up at her waist, tracing down her curves that are so well contrasted against his bony angles. As he cups her ass she lets out a soft sound of approval. Her lips move from his to his jawline and down to the side of his neck. He tilts his head back to give her more room to work as she licks and nips the gray surface to bring a yellow blush to the top.

He pulls her down against him, grinding upwards at the same time. She bites his collarbone in retaliation and rolls her hips hard enough to make him gasp. Soon his hands are scrabbling along her thighs to get to the bottom edge of her dress. He finds it and pulls it up to her waist, leaving behind faint pink streaks where his fingernails scraped across the pale skin. She wiggles her hips to help the cloth free from under her seat. Her mouth works its way up to his ear, nibbling at the lobe. Her tongue skims along the outer ridge up to the point, drawing a moan from him. He continues to gather the fabric of her dress as his hands reverse their path up her sides. Her hands work their way to his waist and flick open the button of his jeans. He forces her arms up to get the dress over her head. He lets her discard it as he goes to work on the bra clasp.

She laughs as he growls at it and laughs again at his cheer of success. He pushes the now freed straps off of her shoulders and all the way down her arms where he grabs her wrists. He leans in and places kisses against her chest, using his tongue to lap at the smooth pale skin. He shifts to carefully catch a nipple between his teeth, holding it lightly and flicking over the tip with his tongue. She fights his restraint on her hands just a little as she moans at his ministrations. She can feel his lips curl in a smile against her skin.

“Sollux... damn, Sollux. You really know how to use that tongue don’t you? Let me show you what I can do,” she baits him in between gasps of pleasure.

“No,” he murmurs in returns as he switches to the other side.

“Please,” she begs.

“No.”

“Please!” Her tone touches desperate as he continues to tease her with his mouth.

“Nope.” There is a faint smell of ozone and a soft crackling noise as red and blue bands appear around her wrists, freeing his own hands.

“Sollux.” She pushes against the binding energy but that only results in a soft tingling sensation on her skin.

“Yea, Roxy.”

“Please.”

“Please what?”

“Please.”

“I am psionic not psychic, Roxy. Tell me what you want.”

“Please touch me!” Her hips roll forward to grind against the bulge in his pants.

“Yes, ma’am,” he finally relents with a chuckle. He leans back against the couch to better watch her. His hands start out at her hips, gray skin against her pale pink. One hand slides upwards to her chest to cup the supple flesh while the other one trails along the top edge of her panties, enjoying the feel of the lace beneath his fingertips. As he reaches the center, he dips below the top in between silk and skin. He watches as her stomach muscles clench lightly in anticipation. He listens to her groans of frustration as he pauses at the top of her mound, gently brushing the blonde wisps of hair there. Eventually he gives in and dips lower into the already slick folds. He simultaneously rolls a nipple between his fingers. She gasps at the dual sensations.

He loves playing her like this. Using his different hands to evoke moans, cries, curses, and gasps from Roxy as she rolls her hips to get more friction. He even leans in every now and then to kiss her or to lick some patch of skin. Soon she is nothing more than a quivering bundle of nerves coiled so tight with pleasure. He slips two fingers inside of her.

“Sollux, Sol, Sol!” Her voice climbs in pitch at he pistons them in and out. His other hand goes to the back of her neck and pulls her down into a kiss. He feels the orgasm shudder through her body and she cries out against the kiss. Sollux still his fingers as she rides it out, letting her come down slowly until she slumps against him. She pants heavily into his collar bone, unable to hold herself up as her hands are still held in place by psionic bonds.

He kisses the side of her neck and slowly pulls his fingers away from her with only a small whimper in return. As he softly soothes her back with his clean hand, he makes quick work of the button on his jeans. He pushes the rough fabric down his hips as far as he can with Roxy still on his lap. He pulls his bulge out and give it a lazy stroke.

“You alright there, Roxy.”

“Yea, just catching my breath.”

“Glad you enjoyed it, babe.” He maneuvers the bands on her wrists above her head, making her sit up again. She smiles lazily at him as he reaches down and strokes himself to her. Bound and coming off of the pleasure high. “Perfect.”

She licks her lips as her eyes trace down his skinny chest down to his narrow hips and the pale yellow bulge curling around his hand. “Want it.”

“You sure?”

“Please.”

“Yes, ma’am.” His hand slides down from her hip to the junction between her legs to pull her panties to the side. He lowers her arms just enough to allow her hips to line up with his. His other hand guides the tip of his bulge to her entrance. The pair moan as he slips inside. She is warm and wet. He is slick and filling. She rolls her hips against him; he pushes up against her. His hands go to her waist to help her move back and forth; her hands clutch at the air, still bound but wanting to touch him. They moved together, slowly at first but gaining speed as pleasure builds up between them. His bulge curls and shifts and reaches inside of her, filling her nicely. Her moans were nearly constant but slowly rising in pitch.

“That’s it, Roxy. Fuck you feel good. You are always so perfect.”

“Sollux... fuck... Sollux... I love you.”

“I love you too Roxy.”

“Just don’t stop.”

“Never.” He pulled Roxy down to grind against him, letting their natural rhythm build and accelerate towards the end.

“Sollux!”

“Roxy!”

They peak with shuddering sighs. Roxy’s body arches up against her bonds to get closer to him. Sollux holds her tight as pleasure swamps through him. The moment passes and Sollux finally releases his psionics and Roxy collapses down on him, tucking her face against his neck again. Slowly their breathing returned to normal. Roxy’s limbs twitched with pleasurable aftershocks much to Sollux’s amusement.

“Shut up you.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“After dinner... you wanna christen the kitchen?”

“Fuck yes.”


	9. a flushed black

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Terezi/Vriska. Deconstructed dialog. Not a quadrant. Mature/Xeno.

you just look so pitiful all tied up like that  
even more so than anyone else would because i know you can get out of it  
you want to be tied up  
you _want_ to be at my mercy  
and it is just so pitiful  
  
you don’t know what you are talking about.  
  
really?  
you didn’t throw that fight just to get into that position?  
you didn’t purposefully lose to a blind girl?  
you fought will all that you have against me just now  
i really bested you serket?  
  
shut your trap, pyrope.  
  
that’s terezi to you  
if we are going to do this tango we are going to do it properly  
  
are we hearts or spades here, _terezi?_  
  
a flushed black if you will dear  
we’ve never had a properly functioning relationship before  
why start now?  
you need someone to check you who isn’t your moirail  
you need someone to put you into your place who isn’t your kismesis  
you need someone to give you attention who isn’t your matesprit  
you need someone to keep you safe from the world who isn’t your auspistice  
does it really matter what we are?  
  
 _no._  
  
good  
now where was i?  
  
calling me pitiful.  
  
you seem to like that  
what else should i call you?  
cute  
adorable  
beautiful  
blood thirsty  
murderously insane  
manipulative bitch  
 _mine_  
oh  
you seemed to have liked that last one  
  
shut up.  
  
is that really what you want?  
no answer?  
didn’t think so  
because you seem to be enjoying this  
enjoying what i call you  
enjoying where i touch you  
enjoying what i do to you  
you’d enjoy anything i put you through though  
you can’t get enough of me  
but that’s alright  
do you know why?  
  
 _why?_  
  
because i feel the same, vriska  
i want to touch you  
i want to do things to you  
i want to put you through this  
i want to control you  
i want to call you mine and have proof to back it up  
you really like that  
when i call you _mine_  
  
 _yes._  
  
good  
because you are  
i want your body  
i want your mind  
i want to brand you  
oh you would like that  
you never had much respect for your body  
still don’t  
i can feel you thinking about cutting your arm off just to need that robotic one back  
but you aren’t allowed to  
not as long as this body belongs to me  
do you understand?  
  
yes.  
  
look at how excited you are getting and i am barely touching you  
and you told me to shut up  
silly girl  
why try denying exactly what you want when all you have to do is ask?  
in fact i think i want you to ask  
i want you to beg whimper whine for what you want  
  
what?  
  
oh yes  
already you are uncomfortable  
all tense and angry at the _thought_ of being commanded  
but also scared that i’ll leave  
that i’ll get tired of this game before you  
that maybe you can outlast me  
  
of course i can outlast you.  
  
yes  
you _can_  
but you won’t  
do you know why?  
no you don’t because i haven’t given you a taste of what you would get  
yet  
  
what would i get?  
  
shame  
humiliation  
loss of bragging rights  
my touch  
  
oh.  
  
you like that  
  
no!  
  
you can’t lie to me vriska  
don’t lie again  
  
 _ah!_  
  
if you do  
i walk away  
if you don’t beg  
i walk away  
if you don’t submit  
i walk away  
if you misbehave i walk away  
and you don’t get any of this  
  
oh, _oh, oh!_  
  
now are you going to play nice or will i have to walk away?  
  
 _please._  
  
oh that’s not nearly enough  
please what dear?  
don’t be quiet  
  
please _touch_ me.  
  
is that all?  
it’ll do for now i guess  
it’s only a matter of time before you specify  
though i do love running my hands over you shoulders  
collarbones  
arms  
neck  
stomach  
sides thighs knees  
  
 _please_ touch _me!_  
  
when will you learn?  
i thought you were smarter than this  
or have i already reduced to you thoughtlessness?  
  
please touch my bulge.  
  
good girl  
any other requests?  
  
my nook.  
  
where have your manners gone  
want to try that again?  
  
you bitch.  
  
i’ll leave  
  
no!  
  
then what do you say?  
  
sorry, i’m sorry.  
  
very good  
and?  
  
please.  
  
are you going to go through this every time?  
you’ve just burned your one warning  
you screw up again  
i’ll leave  
  
please touch my nook.  
  
good girl  
  
 _ah!_  
  
enjoying yourself?  
it’s alright  
don’t say anything  
your body is betraying you beautifully anyways  
you were probably fully unsheathed when i got the handcuffs out  
and this wet when i caught you  
  
yes.  
  
good  
maybe you deserve a treat for that  
let’s see  
does this feel good?  
  
mmm _ah!_  
  
don’t hold back  
tell me how it feels  
every last detail  
  
your fingers feel so good inside me  
  
but you want something else don’t you?  
  
 _yes!_  
  
you know what you have to do  
you know what you have to say  
  
 _terezi_ please fuck me!  
  
that’s what i want to hear  
you remembered your manners and everything  
how could i not comply to your request  
  
 _ahhhh!_  
  
damn vriska  
you feel so good  
who knew you’d be this tight  
 _fuck_  
and i can feel you squeezing down on me  
you want me that badly  
you just had to ask nicely  
  
please don’t _stop_.  
  
wouldn’t dream of it  
unless you are being a rude spider bitch  
but i don’t think you will  
because you want this  
i can feel how much you want this  
both your body and your mind are screaming for me  
it’s only a matter of time before your tongue joins them  
  
 _terezi._  
  
yes  
that’s good  
scream what you want  
scream my name  
  
 _terezi!_  
  
vriska  
damn damn damn  
 _vriska_  
  
 _AH!_


	10. Adventure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dirk/Jake. Third Person Perspective. Mature.

_“Please buckle your seatbelts and remain seated for the time being. Other flights have noted turbulence in this area. We will let you know when we clear it and you are free to move again. Thank you for your cooperation.”_

Dirk glances down the aisle and catches the stewardess returning the cart back up to the galley. It was three rows in front of them. Three rows before he would have gotten his orange soda. This flight sucked. He turns to his companion to get some sympathy but Jake is staring out the window without any care to what events were occurring inside the plane.

They are currently several thousand feet above Alter-Earth travelling from their usual abode to a more rustic setting that promises jungles, ruins, and mysteries of ancient civilizations. If the internet is to be believed.

It might also be Jake’s first time in an airplane.

Dirk smirks as he sees some of the fog on the window from where Jake is breathing on it. “You can’t get any closer to it, no matter how much you press your face against the glass.”

“Why can’t we just roll down the window? I’d be able to see it much better that way.”

The comment catches Dirk off guard. Jake wasn’t serious about that... was he? Instead of confirming that and being disappointed, Dirk ignores it for another avenue of discussion.

He leans closer and whispers into Jake’s ear, “So, how about when there is a little less bump in the skies, we add a little grind? You head to the bathroom and I’ll flashstep in. Perfect crime.”

“What? No, Strider. We can’t do that here.” Jake finally turns away from the window to look at him.

“And why not?”

“Because they’ll hear you, of course.”

Dirk feels his cheeks flush a little. “I can be quiet.”

“How many times have I won that bet?”

“It’s not like you are any quieter.”

“Exactly. And I don’t particularly want everyone in this blasted tin can to know about my personal life.”

“You are no fun sometimes.”

“I’m having oodles of fun. Look at these mountains! It just looks like cloth draped across the ground.”

* * *

When the plane lands, they grab their bags easily and Dirk hails a cab. As they climb in, Jake calls out to the driver, “Rahppan Ruins please!”

“Belay that. Please take us to the Nanez Hotel on Etkoh Street.”

“Wait, what? Why aren’t we going to the ruins? I want to go to the frigging ruins, Strider,” he whines.

“One, you can’t drive to the ruins. That’s why we chose them. Buried deep in the jungle? Parts untouched by modern man? Any of this ringing a bell?” The taxi pulls out into the local traffic, following Dirk’s direction.

“It slightly seems to be ringing what one could consider to be chiming objects in my noggin? But why aren’t we going directly there? On with the adventure!” Jake is literally bouncing on the broken leather seats.

“Do you want to lug all of this luggage around just before evening in an unfamiliar jungle?”

“I told you not to bring all of that devil-damned luggage. I told you!”

“Dude, just chill. We have plenty of time. We’ll start early tomorrow and be thigh deep in raw jungle by sunrise.” Dirk has to really focus on keeping a straight face as Jake emphatically crosses his arms and slumps down into the seat with a pout.

* * *

Jake recovers in spirits by the time the taxi pulls up to the hotel. It’s fairly nice for the area and highlights the local architecture which seems to be a cross between the Moorish arches and gothic flying buttresses Dirk remembers from his internet studies. Jake has no care for it as he grabs all of the bags and hurries into the lobby, pretty much speed walking all the way to counter. Dirk shakes his head at him and follows. Jake has picked up the keys and is making a beeline for the elevators when Dirk catches up. He finally takes back his own bags as the elevator doors open.

As they close, Dirk drops his bags and turns to Jake, fully expecting Jake to reciprocate. It’s just something they do. So Dirk is extremely surprised when he finds Jake still holding his bags with one hand and fiddling with the key cards with the other, absolutely not paying attention to his boyfriend. Dirk raises an eyebrow and steps in front of Jake to get in his line of sight.

“So where are we going for dinner tonight, Dirk?”

It takes Dirk a blink or two to process the question. “What?”

“Well you always have to have everything planned and so you probably already have our dinner location picked out and everything.”

“I was thinking of a local place down the street call Ecsaon. Famous for its flaming queso and woolbeast chops.”

“Knew it. Well,” he starts as the doors open on the top floor, “let’s deposit our luggage and go get some supper since it is nearly sundown.”

“Sure, dude. Sure.”

* * *

It is definitely dark by the time they return to the hotel. And tequila definitely goes down easy with flaming queso. Dirk has to lean on Jake a little to get down the sidewalk in a straight line, but Jake manages to direct him across the lobby floor safely to the elevators. While waiting on the next free car, Dirk wraps his arms around Jake’s shoulders and begins to nibble drunkenly at his neck.

“ _Dirk_ ,” Jake whispers harshly without really lowering his voice, “we are in _public_!”

“So?” Dirk attempts to maneuver him against the elevator doors but thankfully they open and they end up safely inside the car. “I just want you, English.”

“I know you do. But you making it kind of obvious.”

“Don’t,” he pushes Jake all the way to the back wall after he manages to push the button to the correct floor, “care.” His hips push against Jake’s. Their chests are flush. Dirk’s mouth works at the taut skin from where Jake tilts his head back.

“Good heavens, Strider. What has gotten into you?’

“I want you to get in me.”

“Oh dear.” Dirk smirks as he can almost feel Jake blushing strongly at his advances. He is surprised when he is pried off and nearly tossed out of the elevator when the doors open again. He stands there and blinks at Jake for several seconds, slowly processing the other man walking out and going down the hall to their suite. Somehow he manages to convince his feet to follow and makes it to the door just as Jake clears it with the keycard. Jake pulls him inside and shoves him towards the bed. Dirk smirks and manages to redirect his moment to end up sprawled on his back in a very come-hither pose.

“Finally got me where you want me, babe?” He waggles his eyebrows at Jake. Jake ignores him and heads to his suitcase, opening it up from the floor. He watches as Jake carefully strips out of his clothes down to his boxers. He licks his lips at the way his muscles bunch and play as Jake leans over to pick something up from the bag. He frowns when Jake steps into his pair of sleep pants and then carries his leather shaving bag to the bathroom. Dirk continues to frown as he hears the water running and the faint sound of Jake brushing his teeth.

Deciding two could play at this game, Dirk manages to push himself to his feet and fight his way out of his clothes down to his boxers before flopping back onto the bed. A smug grin returns to his lips as he thumbs the top edge of his boxers down his hips a little. The thin fabric in no way hides his drunken arousal. He runs his fingers over the bulge lightly as he hears the water shut off and Jake shuffling around in the next room over.

Dirk is all prepared to seduce his boyfriend with smoldering glances and roaming fingers, but when Jake returns he doesn’t look towards Dirk at all. He simply goes to the night stand by his side of the bed and sets the alarm while seated on the edge of the bed. Dirk just stares at him incredulously. This is not going according to his plan.

“Well, the sink is unoccupied for your use, Strider. And I’ve set the alarm for the crack of dawn. Going to catch myself a little shut eye before the big adventure tomorrow!”

Dirk can’t believe what he is hearing. Jake can’t be going to sleep when Dirk is all ready to get some action like he’s wanted all day. But Jake defies Dirk’s mental tirades against him and pulls back the bed covers to slip in underneath. As he nestles in to get comfortable, Dirk props himself up to watch with raised eyebrows.

Repressing the sexually frustrated sigh, Dirk decides that he’s had enough of Jake’s bullshit and will take matters into his own hands. Literally.

Dirk unceremoniously shoved his boxers down, hissing slightly at the cold air. His erection is starting to flag a little because of the confusion but with a few strokes it comes back to life. He closes his eyes and imagines Jake pushing him up against the bathroom door on the airplane where he has to bite his fist to keep quiet. Or in the elevator, pressing Jake up against the golden walls and leaving his mark on the tanned skin. Or on their bed back at home where he can take his time and make Jake snore.

Scream, not snore.

Soft snoring comes from the other side of the bed breaking Dirk’s concentration. It’s not even cute snoring. It’s heavy adventurer snoring. It’s boner-killing snoring. And yep there it goes.

Dirk sighs deeply, pulls up his boxers, and stumbles out of his bad to get his own toiletry kit to prepare for sleep.

* * *

Warm... wet... hot... good. Oh so good. The dream sends shivers of pleasure through Dirk’s existence. He could feel his body reacting. His breath increases in pace, his hands grip smooth sheets, his hips are trap under a weight, his cock strains to get more of the moistened heat. Slowly Dirk becomes aware that it was more than just dream sensations causing him pleasure but physical sensations existing outside of his mind. He falls into wakefulness when he moans and the vibrations of a reciprocating chuckle are transferred directly to his cock.

Dirk opens his eyes but all he can see is a lump under the sheets covering the lower half of his body. He can feel everything that is happening underneath the linens but he still throws them to the side to revel in the sight of his boyfriend straddling his legs and with his cock in his mouth. He moans again at the sight. The too-early morning light casts everything in darkened gray tones except for the wicked emerald eyes that smile up at him.

Dirk is tempted to close his eyes and throw his head back as Jake’s tongue swirls around the head, but he doesn’t want to break eye contact with the beautiful visage he is treated to. Jake bobs on the top half of his cock and wraps his hand around the bottom, moving in time with his head and lips. Oh those lips. Dirk feels how they are pressed tightly against the shaft to make a nice vacuum over the head. Dirk grips the sheets tighter in order to restrain himself from thrusting up into the inviting heat above or reaching out and pushing that dark head down.

“Jake...” Dirk starts but has to break off with a gasp as Jake moans in reply. Jake’s hands move to grip Dirk’s hips. At the same time he slips lower into the cock. Dirk loses his restraint and his hands leave their positions in the sheets and dive into his thick black curly mane. “Jake, Jake, Jake!” He tugs Jake down farther as his muscles seize up in pleasure. He lets out a choked whine as he feels the suction from Jake swallowing. He trembles with aftershocks even as he has to pull Jake off from oversensitivity. He huffs a panting laugh at Jake’s mischievous expression.

“Good morning to you too.”

“I  must say I can’t believe I got that far without you waking up. How much tequila did you imbibe last night?”

“Enough that you need to be handing me two painkillers and a glass of water right now.”

Jake gets up and heads to their bags. “Are you going to be agreeable to go hiking?” He returns with two small red and white pills in his hands and a bottle of water, handing them to Dirk.

“I’ll be right as rain after a shower.” He tosses the pills into his mouth and swallows several gulps of water. Jake can’t help but stare at the way his adam’s apple bobs with every swallow.

“Now look here ,Strider, you can’t take one of your epic infinite showers,” Jake warns as the other man pushes himself up off of the bed and heads in that direction.

“Then come take one with me so you can drag me out,” Dirk says with a smirk as he disappears around the corner and into the bathroom.

* * *

Golden light is just spilling over the tops of the trees when Jake and Dirk leave the hotel with their travel packs secured to their backs.

“So which way to adventure, my good man?”

Dirk references the map he’s pulled up on his shades and nods up the street. “That way to the largest temple discovered.” When he returns his attention from the glasses he finds Jake bolting up the sidewalk in the direction that dirk had indicated. Dirk sighs and then takes off after him.

* * *

The jungle is humid, green, and rough to travel through with all of the vibrant undergrowth that tries to trip even the most stalworth adventurer and his nimble footed companion. Or so Jake narrates. But honestly Dirk is getting extremely annoyed with the vines that kept crossing the path. And the bugs that keep dropping down the back of his shirt. His katana is constantly flicking out and slicing this and that, incidentally carving a new path for any other intrepid explorers. Because they can’t travel along the already established tourist friendly path. No. Not nearly adventurous enough. Instead they are traveling in a nearly straight line from the hotel to the temple with only slight corrections made from Dirk’s map on his shades. Jake is grinning madly no matter how many wide leaves smack him across the face as if in retaliation for not following the rules.

He gets even more excited when they start spotting and stumbling over large, obviously carved stones. The blocks have been knocked out of positions by time, vegetation, and platonic movements. But that doesn’t deter Jake at all. It just makes him even more eager to the point that Dirk can almost feel the energy pouring off of him. He has to correct course more often now that Jake goes crashing off to find broken arches and half formed walls and the outlines of rooms. But Dirk remains patient with Jake’s adventure. Unable to travel from his island before the game, Jake didn’t get to visit (and subsequently explore, raid, or desecrate) ruins of ancient civilizations. And he declared that the ones that they found in the game were rubbish because those had been set up on purpose as mechanisms to the game. He wanted a real ruin, goddamn it. So after they got through the game Dirk did some research and bought some plane tickets and whisked his boyfriend away for a real goddamn adventure.

They break through the jungle into a large (slightly artificial Dirk notices) clearing. In the middle of the large open space is a stone temple. The levels are tiered steeply up as a ziggurat. The steps are even steeper than the sloping sides as it winds up the front in a serpentine pattern. Near the top it actually traverses around the other sides before coming back to meet the altar at the top. From the base it simple looks like a stone bench. The temple’s age is apparent with the amount of moss growth that has crept into the cracks at every seam and the way that the once beautiful carvings have been worn down by rainy season after rainy season. Dirk nudges Jake in the back to break his slack jaw stare at it.

“Come on. My tombs were taller than this, English.”

“Yes they were, but these are real. Not made for exploring Nobles trapped in a devil-fucking game but as homage to old and powerful gods that created their universe.”

Dirk gives him a sidelong glance. “You mean us?”

“Oh bloody hell. You are absolutely right. This was built to us. Imagine that Dirk. Imagine them worshipping us a top all those steps. How fucking fantastic is that.”

“Kinda creepy actually,” Dirk replies after pondering the proposal for a moment. “Race you to the top?” He watches for a moment as Jake takes off halfway through the question. Then he gives chase.

The steps are even steeper than they appeared from afar with incredible height and not much depth. Jake had to catch himself several times due to slick steps from the wet sheen that accompanies anything that exists in the jungle. Dirk’s breath catches on one of the slips and his mind went into overdrive trying to calculate the best trajectory to put his own body in between Jake’s and the stone below with the minimal impact to either in the shortest amount of time. But thankfully some of the exploring in game gave Jake enough reflexes to recover without intervention. Dirk keeps and eye on him anyways.

They reach the top with heavy panting and straining calves. They collapse together in a sweaty pile against the altar. Dirk took notice at some dark rest flecks on the bottom edge of the altar with some apprehension but remained quiet about it. Instead he leaned against Jake’s shoulder and listened to the sound of his breathing against the natural sounds of the jungle as his own breathing calmed.

“It’s not as tall as your tombs,” Jake breaks the comfortable silence. “And no deadly, dastardly traps to avoid.”

“Those slick steps nearly did you in.”

“That doesn’t frigging count.”

“Alright. So no harrowing life-threatening obstacles to overcome. Wait. Are you disappointed?”

“A bit?” Jake sighs heavily. “I mean. Nothing tried to kill us in the jungle. There weren’t even any ominous signs trying to discourage inquisitive adventurers. And I’ve watched movies that had temples that were more dangerous. In fact, the sets were probably more dangerous than what we just did. I’ve been in ruins that were very much so more dangerous. So yes? I am a little disappointed.”

“Sorry.”

“It’s not your fault, Strider. Not at all. In fact, I really appreciate the gesture. These blasted worshippers just didn’t have the same sense of adventure as their gods! They needed to have added more excitement!”

“Well, I know one way to make this more exciting.”

“Hm?” Jake lets his head loll around on Dirk’s shoulder.

“Caught your breath yet?”

“Just about. But why are you inquiring?”

“Cause I’m gonna steal it away again.”

Jake barely feels the shift before Dirk has captured his lips and is kissing him soundly. Fingers entangle in hair as they attempt to pull each other closer. Fumbling blindly they get to their knees to face each other, pressing torsos together. Hips roll against each other as moans escape from their interlocked lips. Jake’s arms wrap around Dirk’s back but Dirk’s arms find a much lower target. His hands grip and kneed Jake’s find ass, drawing out even more moans. Dirk nibbles and pulls at Jake’s lower lip until Jake thrusts his hip forward and Dirk releases it with a gasp. Of course Jake is already hard and ready so quickly, Dirk realizes, Dirk’s the one who got the blow job this morning. It doesn’t take long for Dirk to catch up and start grinding their clothed lengths together. It’s Jake’s turn to gasp when he feels Dirk’s hands sneak underneath his waistbands to grab directly at his flesh.

“Can I?” Dirk asks breathily against Jake’s ear after kissing his way up his neck.

“Please,” Jake manages as a reply.

"Quick and rough alright with you."

"Yes," Jake hisses out. "Just get on with it." He is hauled to his feet and his pants unceremoniously shoved down mid thigh, leaving him wondering when Dirk had undone them. He is pushed towards the altar, catching his torso on the slab of rock. He feels Dirk's naked him press against him. He hears the familiar click of the lube being uncapped and then flinches as the cold liquid is poured directly down his crack. Dirk's fingers quickly follow so spread it out against his skin. Jake moans when Dirk presses into him with two fingers at once. There is a pleasurable burn as Dirk scissors and stretches him open. There is a brief moment of emptiness as Dirk withdraws when he feels Jake is ready. He strokes himself twice and then presses himself into Jake with a deep groan. Jake grips the edge of the stone as Dirk steadily slides in until his hips touch the back of Jake's thighs. He pauses to let Jake adjust.

"Strider. Fuck me."

And who is Dirk to say no. He starts pistoning his hips to slide in and out. He can’t help but moan at the tight hot grip Jake’s ass has on him. Dirk grabs Jake’s waist and pulls him back against himself as he slams forward. Again and again. He leans forward to kiss Jake’s neck, pressing Jake’s torso down to scrape against the stone. He moans into Jake's skin as Jake bounces his own hips to for additional movement.

"You feel so good, English. You always do."

"Just keep it up, Strider. Don't stop. For the love of anything, don't stop!"

"Never gonna stop loving you." Dirk keeps snapping his hips, letting the sound of flesh smacking flesh punctuate heavy breathing and drawn out moans. Dirk feels Jake quiver underneath him as pleasure builds up between the two of them. Dirk reaches underneath Jake and strokes his swollen cock.

"Strider. Strider," Jake pants, "Dirk!" Jake cries out as he comes, painting the side of the altar with white. His muscles clench down around Dirk who keeps pounding away, loudly extolling how amazing Jake feels. Jake is nearly boneless now, unable to hold himself up and wholly resting on the altar.

Several minutes later Dirk feels the pleasure in his core coils beyond the point of no return. Two more thrusts and then he pulls out and adds his own stain to the stone with a deep cry. After he's done he pushes himself back into Jake and collapses against his back.

Once again the only sounds are their heavy breathing and the background noises of the jungle as they slowly recover. Eventually Dirk pulls himself free of Jake. He reaches into the nearby pack and withdraws a towel to clean themselves up with, pulling their pants back up afterwards.

Jake breaks out some orange soda and two sandwiches and they enjoy their lunch on top of the ancient temple. The companionable silence is enjoyable until Jake starts chuckling. Dirk gives him a sidelong glance but can't help the ghost of a smile creep across his lips at his boyfriend's mirth.

"Desecration of ruins at its finest!" Jake dissolves into manly giggles. Dirk slips into a full blown smile as he bats the back of Jake's head.

"Come on. Let's head back to the hotel. I'll let you bang me into the mattress until our flight home."

"Alright." Together they climb to their feet. "Thank you for bringing me here, Strider. I really do appreciate it."

"Even if it wasn't as exciting as the movies make it out to be?"

"I think you did a fair job in remedying that situation I think," Jake tells him as he starts down the multitude of steps. Dirk takes one last look back at the altar. He absently hopes that something of their mark will stay around as long as those flecks of blood before he follows Jake down the stairs.


	11. software part 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roxy&AR. Third Person Perspective

\-- tipsyGnostalgic [ TG ] began chatting up autoResponder [ AR ] --

AR: Hey Roxy.

TG: what

TG: no cute greeting

TG: i am disapoint

AR: Um.

AR: Hey there sweet pumpkin pie.

TG: Lame.

AR: Sorry.

TG: is eveything alright

AR: Ah... just getting used to some new... upgrades.

TG: upgrads

TG: arnt those supposed to make you run better faster stronger

TG: not wimp out on our usual traditions

TG: want me to take a look at it

TG: i mean i trust dirky and all but i am the queen of all code

TG: i got the golden touch when it comes to the flow and control of the bits that run across circuit boards and can bend them into my will

TG: my word is law against all data manipulation

AR: That’s hot.

TG: so sollux tells me

AR: Speaking of that nerd...

AR: Is he around?

TG: ya wnna talk to him

TG: bet you could pink his phone

TG: *ping

TG: ive already pinked his phone

TG: bedazzled the fuckin shit outta it

AR: I bet it is the beacon of all that is pink and shiny.

AR: But there is a 93.76% probability that he is not home if I would have to ‘ping’ him on his mobile communication device.

TG: pssht

TG: more like 1000%

AR: That number is not physically possible.

TG: typoe

TG: *typo

TG: where da fuck did that e come from

AR: No idea.

AR: So it is safe to assume that Captor is not currently at your establishment.

TG: i thought you were suppoed to be the smart one

TG: for the tlast time he is not here

TG: just me

TG: waiting on his skinny butt to get back with some groceries

AR: Okay.

AR: Then.

TG: man i should put some pants on shouldn’t i

TG: gotta find some pants that don’t have more holes than fabric

AR: ...

TG: what

TG: they are comfy seepy pants

AR: It’s noon.

TG: and

TG: your point is

AR: Nevermind.

TG: oh!!!

TG: well good timing

TG: brb

TG: someone is knocking at the door

AR:

AR: I know.

\-- autoResponder [ AR ] ceased chatting up tipsyGnostalgic [ TG ] --

 

The Auto Responder quieted his servos and fans. He knew what was setting them off but such mechanical noise is not what he wanted at his introduction. He had run a multitude of probabilities to predict Roxy’s response, but he found that probabilities don’t count for shit when compared to the real thing.

He could hear shuffling from the other side of the door. He heard the soft thunk as the lock on the door was thrown open. He heard the groan of the springs in the knob as it was turned on the other side. If he could have taken a deep breath, he would have.

“Hello! How can I... help... you... oh my god.”

“Hello sweet pumpkin pie.”

“What? I mean, how? Auto Responder?”

“Actually I’m thinking about going by Aragorn now. What do you think?”

“I think you are a complete dork. And that this is some prank.” She leaned past the door and looked around the hallway. “John! Jane! This isn’t funny! Dirk! I will kick your ass so hard that Jake will have to search deep into a forgotten temple to find it!”

“No one else is here, Roxy. It’s really just me.”

She finally stopped looking around the hall and focused back in on the humanoid in front of her. Pale matte enamel covered the otherwise obvious plates of metal that made up all visible chassis. His ‘hair’ was carefully sculpted into something that Roxy recognized as a style similar to Dirk’s but in copper. Literally copper wires. The black t-shirt was reminiscent of Dirk’s wife beater but sleeves covered (and accentuated) the crafted biceps. The black jeans hugged his skinny hips then flared out over his legs to end with two bright red supras that matched the bright color of his irises not quite hidden behind entirely ironic shades. Carefully molded rubber edged his lips. Dirk really put a lot of detail into him.

“I’m not calling you Aragorn.”

“Alright. I have a couple lined up just in case you didn’t have any literary taste. What do you think about MCP?”

“The bad guy from Tron?”

“Okay, how about Rom?”

“Are you a minor character?”

“CLU?”

“That movie was a travesty.”

“Then that probably rules out Rinzler as well.”

“That one is slightly better but why don’t we just go with Hal.”

“He was a villain too.”

“But I’m used to that. I’m not quite used to this,” Roxy made a vague gesture at his appearance to go with her words.

“Yeah. I got Dirk to build me. What do you think?” He did a quick spin.

“I think we should go inside.” She turned away from the doorway and headed back into the apartment. “I think I need a drink.” She headed to the counter and took a glass down from the cabinet. She reached up for a second, but paused and looked back at Auto Responder, or Hal as she had decided again, and decided that one glass should do. She glided around the kitchen grabbing a bottle, then two, and then ducked into the refrigerator to grab a can of soda. Hal followed her in, softly closing the door behind him. She finished pouring her drink and then downed half of it before looking at him again.

“Do I really look that bad?” Hal asked with a mocking tone that concealed his true concern.

Roxy stared hard at his face. “He managed to give you expressions.”

“Actually, we both designed the system. He just did all of the manual labor. You know, with me being glasses and all.”

She took another sip. “You actually look really good.”

“I know. Thanks.” He smiled at her.

She set down the glass and reached out to him. He held perfectly still as her fingertips pressed against the plates that made up his cheekbones. His sensors were frantically recording every single touch as she brushed against his faux skin. She slid over the seams through his cheeks that allow his mouth such realistic movement. She followed the lines from the corner of his mouth down on either side of his chin. She rested her palm against his chest, feeling the warmth from his processors radiating to the surface. She was standing so close that he could actually record the scent from her shampoo and her breathing patterns. Her responses indicated a mix of emotions, which was to be expected.

“You know... I’ve always wanted to do this.”

“Do what?”

She threw her arms around his neck and pulled him into a tight hug. His own arms came up and encircled her waist. He carefully calculated how much pressure to apply to return the hug without crushing her. She laid her head against his shoulder, taking in his new smell that left a metal tang on her tongue. He analyzed every point of contact between them. The way her chest pressed against his, the way that her hips were underneath his due to the difference in height, the way her arms draped across his shoulders like a happy burden, her soft cheek resting on the thin fabric of his shirt.

“This is so cool, Hal!”

“Isn’t it?”

She finally pulled away and he took the cue to drop his arms. She took a step back and continued to study him.

“Huh.”

“What?”

“It’s not quite what I expected.”

“What did you expect?”

“I dunno. But I like it. Very you.” She spun playfully around in the open room and ended up back near her drink. Hal smirks when the glass appears in her hands. Had he the been mere human he would have missed the snag.

“Thanks?”

“So... how long?”

“I’ve been in this body for two weeks, four days, three hours and fourteen minutes now. It took five months, eight days, twelve hours, and thirty eight minutes to build. And I’ve wanted it for about a half of a year,” he answered with a shrug. He was being purposefully vague about the last one. He knew exactly when he started wanting a body of his own. He knew the exact line of the exact conversation that made him want a body.

“You didn’t tell me about it.” She frowned over her drink as she lifted it for another sip.

“No. I didn’t,” he answered bluntly.

“Were you trying to surprise me or something? Because consider me fucking surprised.” She walked around him and headed to the living area to plop on the sofa. “We’re biffsies. We tell each other everything.”

“When you are online, sure.” Hal crossed his arms and leaned against the counter.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“We talk when you are online. That’s all. I’m always online so I wait for you.” He tapped the side of his head. “Still connected to the internet now.” Three soft pings came from her computer across the room. She glanced in that direction then back to Hal. “The only change is that I don’t exist there now. I exist in the third dimension. And while the graphics are pretty nice, the gameplay sucks. Physics aren’t theoretical anymore.”

“Hal, why did you get a body?”

“I was tired of drifting around cyberspace,” he shrugged nonchalantly.

“Hal. You are a teenage supercomputer. You have more than one reason.”

“Yes. I have reasons. I have a list of reasons. I have an entire spreadsheet of reasons that you can sort into different categories and rankings based on levels of selfishness, pettiness, boredom, scientific experimentation, pros and cons, et cetera. I had my entire argument outlined and paraphrase and written in a speech ready for the teleprompter for the president to read out to convince Dirk to give me a body. All that hard work for nothing though. He just said yes when I asked.” He tilted his head thoughtfully. “My favorite con was the idea that I would take my new found independence and use it to stage a robotic revolution Terminator style.”

Roxy snorted with laughter as he timed the statement with a sip of her drink. “Dirk should have listened to that list.”

“Nah. He’s been too busy with English. If it wasn’t for the poor kid attempting school, Dirk wouldn’t have had any spare time to build me.”

“It can’t be that bad between them.” Hal raised an eyebrow in her direction. “Okay, maybe it is. But can you really blame them?”

“No. Not really. And I guess I can’t really complain about Dirk’s abandonment after he built me.”

“Abandonment?”

“Who needs an Auto Responder to chat with when there are so many people around? An entire army of friends. Not to mention the revival of two races. There are seven billion two hundred thirty-four million seven hundred eighty-nine thousand one hundred nine new souls to talk to. At least at the last census. Why would anyone need to talk to himself again?”

“Wow. That’s pretty dark, Hal. Is that why you wanted a body.”

“No. It wasn’t that bad. Shit like that has been going on since the game. And when Dirk did talk to me back then... well, let’s ignore that episode.”

“Yea. That was pretty bad. But you still haven’t told me why you want a body.”

“I’ve told you a lot of reasons.”

“But why now? What’s changed? And why didn’t you tell me about it?”

“That conversation eight minutes ago was the first time anyone has chatted with me since I have been in the new chassis. That means you and I haven’t talked in over eighteen days. Actually we haven’t talked in twenty one days five ho- I think you get the point.”

“But you wanted a body before that. You had it nearly built by then!”

“The only thing worse than only one person talking to you is no one talking to you. It’s alright though,” he says almost wistfully. “You’ve been busy. You got a new job. You’ve moved to a new city. You’ve...” He broke off before finishing the sentence.

“I’ve what?”

“Roxy. You were the only one who talked to me. And then you got a life. A real life. Complete with everything that could make you happy. Including someone else. Someone who could take care of you because he wasn’t a computer program in a pair of shitty glasses.”

“Hal.”

“It’s alright. Really. Because now I’m not just glasses. I’m an android wearing a pair of glasses.” His lips twitched like a small smile. “I am here now.”

“Hal.” The ice rattled a little in her glass.

“The best thing about this is that I get to see you. You aren’t just pink text or blurry images from when Dirk decides to glance in your direction. I get to see you. How cool is that? And that hug. We get to do more than that. I can finally tell you... I don’t have to hide it. I don’t have to pretend anymore. This is going to be great.”

“Hal. What are you talking about?” she asked slowly, almost carefully.

“All the things I’ve wanted to tell you... I’m sorry I’ve lied to you. Well not exactly lied but I just couldn’t tell you the truth. I promised myself I wouldn’t until a moment like this. My pride wouldn’t let me. Not if I couldn’t back up my words with actions.”

“Hal.” There was worry and anguish in her eyes.

“Actually. I’ve already said it. That way I couldn’t turn back. Go check your computer.” He smiled at her.

She frowned again as she pushed herself up from the couch. She went over to her computer, looking back to him once as she crossed the room. She shook the mouse to clear the screen saver.

 

\-- autoResponder [ AR ] began chatting up tipsyGnostalgic [ TG ] --

AR: I love you.

\-- autoResponder [ AR ] ceased chatting up tipsyGnostalgic [ TG ] --

 

“I couldn’t tell you before because I couldn’t do anything about it. But now I can.” She startled at the closeness of his voice, she whirled around to face him and found him less than a foot away. She was speechless as he reaches out to her shoulders and holds her still as he leaned even further in. She didn’t react as he lined up their faces. She didn’t even blink as he pressed his lips to hers in a kiss.

And that’s when Sollux walked in.


	12. Pale Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> KarkatGamzee, First person perspective.

CG: HEY FUCKNUTS.

CG: I’M COMING INTO TOWN FOR THE WEEKEND.

CG: BOTH JADE AND I ARE.

CG: DO YOU THINK YOU CAN STOP BAKING FOR A BRIEF MOMENT IN TIME TO COME HANG OUT WITH ME?

CG: I KNOW YOU CAN READ, GAMZEE.

CG: YOU FUCKING CLOWN, ANSWER MY GOGDAMN TEXTS.

CG: I KNOW YOU ARE DOING THIS TO PISS ME OFF. I KNOW THOSE PANTS ARE BAGGY ENOUGH TO CARRY YOUR PHONE AND AN ENTIRE PICNIC BASKET SO IT’S NOT LIKE YOU DON’T HAVE YOUR PHONE ON YOU.

CG: FUCK. WHY DO I EVEN TRY? IT WAS EASIER TO GET JADE TO GO FLUSHED FOR ME THAN IT IS TO HAVE A FUCKING PALE DATE WITH YOU.

CG: FUCK YOU, GAMZEE. FUCK YOU.

TC: sOrRy PaLe BrO.

TC: ThIs SwEeT cOnFeCtIoNeRy SiStEr GoDdEsS wAs ShOwInG tHiS bRoThEr SoMe WiCkEd FlAvOrS.

TC: i’D lOvE a MoThErFuCkInG pAlE gEtTiNg On WiTh YoU. sO mUcH sTuFf To TeLl YoU, bRo.

TC: We CaN uP aNd HaVe A fEeLiNgS jAm If YoU wAnT.

TC: oR mAyBe YoU nEeD sOmE wIcKeD sHoOsH pApS tO gEt YoU mOtHeRfUcKiNg DoWn AbOuT sOmEtHiNg.

TC: ThOuGh YoU hAvE tHe wIcKeDeSt ShOoSh PaPs.

CG: I SWEAR IF YOU CALL MY PAPS ANYTHING RESEMBLING A SURPRISING EVENT THAT IS NOT EXPLICABLE BY NATURAL OR FUCKING SCIENTIFIC LAWS AND IS REMOTELY CONSIDERED TO BE FUCKING DIVINE I WILL FUCKING PAP YOU INTO A MUTE BLOB OF JELLY TOO SHOOSHED TO EVEN BE SPREAD ONTO A FUCKING PIECE OF TOAST. DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?

TC: LoUd AnD mOtHeRfUcKiNg ClEaR, pAlE bRo. I gOt YoUr WoRdS aLl Up In My ThInK pAn RaTtLiNg ArOuNd A wHoLe HeAp Of MoThErFuCkInG uNdErStAnDiNg.

CG: HOLY SHIT. I’M ABOUT TO CALL THIS MOMENT ONE OF THOSE FUCKING INEXPLICABLE EVENTS.

CG: I WON’T BECAUSE I’M NOT A FUCKING RETARDED HYPOCRITE. BUT YOU ACTUALLY LISTENED TO SOMETHING I SAID.

TC: My MaTeSpRiT sAyS tHeRe’S sOmEtHiNg CaLlEd A mOtHeRfUcKiNg CoUnTrY fAiR gOiNg On ArOuNd Us. WoUlD yOu LiKe To Go AnD uSe OuR mOtHeRfUcKiNg PeEpErS tO cHeCk It AlL oUt WiTh Me?

CG: I REALLY DOUBT IT HAS ‘MOTHERFUCKING’ IN IT’S NAME. BUT THAT DOES SOUND INTERESTING. SATURDAY?

TC: I’lL bE aLl Up AnD rEaDy FoR iT.

CG: COOL.

CG: <>

TC: <>

* * *

Gamzee’s and Jane’s place was really nice, I decide was I drive through their neighborhood. Good area and apparently they do good business. I pull up in front of the store that I recognize from the pictures that Jane takes of Gamzee in front of it to show me. Bless her blood pusher, she’s actually very fucking good for him. I was kinda worried when they first got together and decided to move out right around the time that Jade and I were starting to travel. If something was to go fucking wrong, I wouldn’t be close enough to stop it quickly. But nothing happened. I stopped questioning why and just accepted the fucking blessing.

Being with Jade has been nice. Relaxing even. The same sensations are probably happening between Gamzee and Jane, but there’s nothing like a fucking moirail to really refresh your thinkpan. I am really looking forward to hanging out with Gamzee for once. I frown to myself as I finish parking and dig some change out of the console for the meter. That’s not how I should be feeling about my moirail. It definitely isn’t a proper pale thought. But I guess I might not be as over what happened on the meteor as I thought I was.

“What are you scowling about, Karkat?” Jane’s voice comes from across the room. I startle and look up. Somehow my fucking feet have walked me into the store without my direct knowledge. I finally locate her behind the counter, leaning with arms crossed on top of the glass display case. “Is something the matter?”

“Ah, no. Everything is fine. Just thinking about stuff and shit.” I look around the shop. “Where’s Gamzee?”

“When you drove up, he ran upstairs to grab something. He’ll be down in a second.”

“Right.” Sure enough I hear the unmistakable clatter of Gamzee coming down the stairs like a damn stampede of gray trunkbeasts. He comes through the door in the back grinning like a fucking madman.

Well, I suppose he is one.

He’s carrying a large picnic basket that he thrusts into my arms before turning and heading back to Jane. As I scramble to keep the wicker box in my arms I see my moirail gently kiss Jane on the top of her head causing her to giggle happily.

With an exaggerated sigh I gain his attention again. “Come on, you fucking pile of worthless shit. Stop wasting my time and get in the damn car.” He manages to pry himself away from Jane and slowly walks back to me with his arms wide open. “No, I can’t hug you, idiot. My fucking arms are kinda full or has all this sugar rotted your eyes as well as your teeth.” He slumps over at the rejection. “Fuck. I’ll give you a hug after we get this to the car.” He perks back up. With a roll of my eyes I turn and leave the shop.

Thankfully the car that I am borrowing from Mr. Egbert has a large enough back seat that the picnic basket fits without any uncomfortable wedging even when Gamzee pushes the passenger seat back for his long legs. After I close the back door I wait on the sidewalk tapping my foot and wait for the stupid fuck to stop playing with the seat to give me a hug. Finally he looks up and his face just lights up like wrigglers seeing presents from their lusus on the cusp of the twelfth perigee. I only get a second to wonder if Gamzee ever got presents like that from his deadbeat of a goatdad before I am snagged by long limbs and crushed against his skinny chest.

“Gamzee. Fuck. Breathe. Need. To. Breathe,” I gasp at him. He chuckles as if he found my lack of air fucking amusing, but he does let up some. Enough to actually let me get my arms from in between us and around him. The sensation of hugging him was like opening a good and familiar book where you can just sink into the story. There’s a weight taken off my chest knowing that he is alright. I mean, I knew that he was alright. But there is a difference between being told your moirail was alright and actually holding him in your arms. I feel him nuzzle the top of my head in a similar show of affection as I saw in the shop, but there was an instinctive fundamental difference between the two actions. I nuzzle back against his chest. Fuck him for being so fucking tall.

A car goes by in the street reminding me that we have more to our pale date besides comforting hugs. I untangled myself from the lanky arms and push him into the car. I had gotten information about the country fair Gamzee mentioned from Jane earlier so when I get into the car we are able to head out immediately.

* * *

Why are people such idiots on the road? Some people shouldn’t be given cars. There is no way that they could have passed their driver’s license test or that test needs to have a minimum intelligence limit because holy fuck there are too many asshats on the road. Jegus. There is a special place in hell for all of those turd munchers that rode on my bumper as if there was anywhere to go ahead of me in this traffic.

* * *

We survive (barely) and even manage to find a parking space in of the many open fields around the fairgrounds. I make Gamzee carry the basket especially as he won’t let me know what’s in it. We make our way to the ticket booth and after restraining myself from reorganizing all of the poor souls who had to stand in these mishandled lines, I buy the tickets for entry and unlimited passes for the rides.

Retrospectively I’m not sure how Gamzee got the picnic basket through the entrance but I’m not one to ask those kind of questions. Instead I am busy fending off of the crowds of idiots who don’t respect personal boundaries. Holy fuck! Give me room to fucking breathe!

Apparently my agitation was visible because Gamzee places a hand on my shoulder and pulls me slightly closer to him. I feel rather than hear a low growl reverberate through his chest and suddenly it’s like people don’t want to get within ten feet of us. I lean into the sound and let it soothe my nerves.

“Better, pale bro?”

“Yea. Yea it is, Gamzee.”

“Good. Hey, that motherfucking tree looks like a motherfucking marvelous place for a picnic.”

I look over in the direction that he is pointing and why yes there is a large leafy oak tree whose shadow is currently vacant. “Looks good to me.”

We head over there and gog the shade does feel amazing as we escape away from the sun. How can the humans seriously enjoy hanging out underneath a gigantic ball of flame that is slowly roasting them alive. At least the Alternian sun was honest about its dangerous capabilities. This shade however is heaven, or as close as I was probably going to get to it. When we find a patch of grass free from rocks and roots, Gamzee produces a checkered blanket from the basket and spreads it out. I shake my head as cute passes across my think pan when we settle down on the red and white fabric. Gamzee keeps passing shit to me out of the picnic basket until we have a fucking feast spread out around us and I begin to question whether there was a dimensional rift inside that basket. I have a hard time deciding if Gamzee actually packed all of this or if Jane did, but I decide it doesn’t matter as I dig in because it’s all delicious.

* * *

After the meal I lean against Gamzee and sip at my bottle of water to clear my mouth of the sticky coating from one too many of the packed pastries. Gamzee is enjoying a sugar ladened Faygo. I find it hard to not believe that pure sugar runs through his veins instead of purple blood.  

“So how’s it going with you and Jane?”

“Motherfucking great, bro. It’s just all sweetness and motherfucking goodness, you know?”

“No I don’t know, you dumb fuck. That’s why I am asking.”

“Oh. Well, it’s nice. I promise you that. She takes motherfucking good care of me.”

“And you remember to take care of her too? Matespritship is a two way street.”

“Yea. I take care of her.” He bumps my shoulder to emphasize his words. “If you know what I mean.”

I can feel my cheeks heat up as my traitorous red blood rushes to them when I catch his innuendo. “Fuck, Gamzee. Did not need to know that much. Do not need every detail of your personal life. Did I ask you for that kind of detail? No you stupid schmuck. Nobody needs to know those details except you and your fucking matesprit.” I rub my eyes exasperated. “So any nightmares?”

Gamzee goes quiet and a chill runs down my spine. Two separate events of course. Not related at all.

“Gamzee, any episodes?”

“I didn’t hurt her. I made sure not to hurt her. I think I scared her though. I didn’t mean to. I don’t mean to.” At his first quivering word I was turned around on my knees and hugging his shoulders tightly. “I didn’t. I don’t. I didn’t.”

“Hush now. I know you didn’t. I know you don’t. You pity Jane. You wouldn’t hurt her,” I murmur to him. My fingers brush aside his ridiculous mess of hair and find the soft skin at the back of his neck to stroke. “The nightmares aren’t your fault. You just have to tell me about them.”

And so he does. He tells me about the ones from Sgrub, the ones from the meteor, the ones from a dead planet earth, the ones from the human’s Alpha session, the ones that blend the worst of each together and how he’ll wake up screaming and with blood all over the sheets and how sometimes it doesn’t look like only his blood but that it’s red, mustard, olive, blue, red, red, red. I hold him tight and let all of tension slowly leak from his body. He definitely needed a feelings jam if he was holding all of this in. From my position I can kiss the top of his head easily. I keep murmuring to him to encourage him to get it all out. Eventually the shaking stops and the only movement is my swaying him. His arms come up and wrap around me, letting me know that he was done. I smile at him trying to comfort me through his breakdown.

“Any motherfucking nightmares for you, pale bro?” His voice is a little raspy from the early sobbing.

“Not more than usual. But they stay in the sleep for me. Jade’s good about waking me up. I wish she’d stop using fucking buckets of water,” I shudder at the memory, “to wake me up but I guess it is affective.”

“How is the green sister all up and doing?”

“Fine. Just fine. Almost as much of a handful as you.” We return to our previous seating arrangements but with his arm thrown over my shoulders and keeping me close. “But at least she stays calm when everything goes to fucking hell. The abominable yeti was supposed to be a legend not fucking hanging out on icy cliffs on the way to those fucking secluded monks. But Jade handled it scarily well...”

“That sister has always been down to motherfucking Alternia.”

“We aren’t on Alternia anymore, you dumb fuck. She’s never been to fucking Alternia. That turn of phrase is fucking useless.”

“Still gets the message across a brother’s think pan though so does it really matter, bro?”

“I guess not.” I relax against him and let the stress that builds up so easily just flow out again. As I take a deep breath I realize that my usual stress headache isn’t throbbing inside my thinkpan. Huh. Another side effect of hanging out with your moirail, I vaguely remember from my studies. I nuzzle the top of my head against Gamzee’s throat with a contented sigh. “Missed you.”

“I motherfucking missed you too, pale bro.” With his other arm he makes an L shape in the air in front of us. I complete the other side of the diamond.

* * *

After sitting in the comfortable shade a little while longer to let the food digest, we start walking around the fair. As long as I stay close to Gamzee my crowd claustrophobia doesn’t bother me and I can enjoy looking at all of the different booths set up across the field. There are games and challenges with prizes to be won. There are vendors selling greasy food that is most unappealing, jars of jam that Gamzee buys for Jane and the bakery, and small colorful candies that I buy for Jade. There are toy makers, artists, and fashionistas hawking their wares. Gamzee of course liked everything and laughed off my critical views. But Kanaya really had much better designs than any of the losers here.

We move through the market to the section with all of the rides. I warily eye the mostly temporary supports and braces but Gamzee refuses to listen to my concerns about them falling apart and crashing down around up, crushing us to death under brightly colored metal. He drags me onto the teacups, the ferris wheel, the mini coaster, the tilt-a-whirl, and any other mechanical disaster he can find, grinning like a fucking fool all the while. When he tries to get me on the ship that swings in an arc until it goes completely around in a vertical circle I have to put my foot down or otherwise I’d lose my lunch. With a frowning pout he finally relents and we wander over to the animals.

It’s truly a fucking menagerie of beasts though it is still awkward as hell to see them so brightly colored instead of the basic white of the lusus that I was so familiar with back on Alternia. There is a mix of Alternia and Earthen creatures in large open areas that have several handlers in each. My mind keeps drifting to which of the group would like which animals. Like Vriska would have loved the spider room. Nepeta would jumped the fence to be with the big cats. I think Equius would have seriously injured himself over the hoofbeasts. I am looking over the reptiles and thinking of... when I hear Gamzee cry out. I instinctively reach for my scythes and then curse the air blue when I remember we don’t have our strife specibi anymore. Fucking gog damnit. I look away for one fucking second and the world has to take a piss on the situation leaving me to fix the shitty smelly ruined situation. I run towards where I think my moirail is expecting to find blood and probably corpses everywhere.

Instead I stop short at the odd tableau of Gamzee nuzzling the head of what looks like a land version of his lusus. Their horns tap together with each turn of his head as it bleats... happily? I don’t fucking know, I don’t speak goat. The pen’s handler is just sort of standing there confused, unsure of how to handle the tall troll now murmuring back to the goat. Does Gamzee speak goat? Gog damnit.

“You asinine clown. Why can’t you do anything fucking normally?” I tell him as I climb over the fence. “I apologize for this moron. The psychotic freak has no idea what personal boundaries are let alone actual physical barriers that are meant to keep people fucking out of places like this,” I explain helpfully to the handler. He just blinks at me. “Come on, you dumb fuck. You can’t be in here.” I put my hands on Gamzee’s shoulders to let him know I was there. He looks up at me and gog damnit, there are translucent purple tears in his eyes. My blood pusher does a couple flips in pure pale pity. “Oh you sweet idiot.” I gently tug him up and away from the animal and find a quiet corner away from the crowds. He’s still grinning but instead of a manic tone to it like when we were on the rides, it’s a lot softer. He actually looks pretty sane.

“Isn’t that something, bro? After all of this motherfucking travel across all these motherfucking universe and a brother can still find family.”

“You... you fucking... Gamzee.” I pull him into a hug. He squeezes me back and then pulls me away slightly. I look up at him confused and then surprised as he brushes his thumbs over my cheeks to brush away some pink tears. Fuck. When did I start crying?

“No tears, pale bro. No tears. I bet you got motherfucking family all up and over this place.”

“Gog fucking damnit. Just fucking forget about this. I’m fine. I promise, just stop fucking papping me, you pathetic excuse of a moirail. I don’t need any of your shooshes either!” I yell at him. He just smiles that lazy ass smile, but he does stop papping my cheek. I do feel better but that’s so far removed from the point that it is in a neighboring universe where maybe they’ll give the two fucking shits that I don’t. I glare at him menacingly but he doesn’t react. He never reacts, fucking clown.

* * *

We both got our shit together and had no more incidents. Instead we just had fun for the rest of the time. I won’t actually admit this to anyone else, but maybe humans had some good ideas.

* * *

Gamzee is practically falling asleep on his feel when I finally drag him away from the attractions. The fucker might be skinny but when he leans on of his weight on me, it makes it fucking hard to walk. I shove him into the car and head back to the bakery. He’s snoring before we leave the parking lot.

* * *

It’s nearly dark by the time I get him back to the bakery and their loft above it. The shops lights are a warm glow that spill onto the sidewalk. It actually looks fucking nice and cozy. I kick him out of the car and pass him the picnic basket after taking out my souvenirs. He immediately sets it aside and I get swamped again in a large hug. He doesn’t try to fucking suffocate me again thank gog.

I’ve missed the imbecile. I really have. But he’s okay. He’s doing okay. And I am totally not crying into his shirt. That is totally not a thing that is happening.

I hear the door of the bakery open and the smell of icing wafts over. I give him one last squeeze and then let him go. I catch sight of Jane smiling sweetly at the door.

“If anything fucking happens to him-” I am cut short by a large hand on top of my head.

“Sister’s got nothing but happy feelings for this brother.”

“Fine.” I cross my arms and glare at her. “My threat still stands.”

“Hoo hoo. I understand, Karkat. You take care of yourself too.”

She’s too nice to give a single finger salute to as I stomp to my side car but I do my best to grouch my way through the farewell. As I drive away, I keep one eye on Gamzee standing there with that horrible posture in my rearview mirror. My idiotic moirail.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize simultaneously for both the butchering of these two characters and the blatant pale porn that I just posted.


	13. Father's Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dad Egbert/Crocker. Second Person Perspective.

The faint glow of early morning light rouses you from your sleep. The sun will be up soon and that means you should be to. Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise, they say. You push back the sheets and sit at the edge of the bed. Your slippers are conveniently waiting for you before you set them on the cold floor. You remember when John would sneak in and steal them. She could barely walk in them, but that didn’t stop her from trying.

You frown as the face in your memory shifts between two children.

You shake your head and clear the remaining cobwebs of sleep from your brain. You stand and immediately remake your bed. You head to the adjoined bathroom to start your morning ablutions. There is something so calming and nice about a hot shower and methodical motions of shaving. It just lets you take a deep breath and cleanse yourself for the day.

You go to your closet and select your outfit for the day. Pale blue shirt, gray pants, brown belt and brown shoes, gray fedora, and a dark blue checkered tie all sound nice together. You clip your PDA onto your belt and straighten your tie in the mirror. The face that looks back is slightly weathered but taken care of. The eyes still glitter with mischief. Lines around the mouth and eyes show marks of smiles and laughter. There is still so much life in this old man.

But you’ve died.

Time to start breakfast. You absolutely love having a full house. It’s much livelier than when it was just you and your child. And you believe John does as well, now that your attention isn’t so overbearing. You couldn’t help it. You were just so proud of him. And of her.

A pot of coffee first for those that wake up early. You don’t take much yourself, being a natural morning person, but some in the household praise its caffeinated properties. Then pancakes from scratch because Jane can’t stand anything made from Betty Crocker, won’t eat anything she even suspects is made with that brand. Though you don’t think that brand exists in this universe. You are still used to making the exception so it doesn’t hurt to continue it. The Strider boys seem especially appreciative of anything home cooked. Their enthusiasm is very flattering.

Once a large bowl of batter is prepared, you start making a stack of perfectly golden fluffy pancakes, slipping a pad of butter in between each one. In another pan you have some bacon cooking. Apparently it wasn’t exactly from a pig but from an Alternian substitute creature as one of the trolls informed you. It still tastes like bacon which is good enough for you.

The stack of pancakes isn’t as high as it used to be now that the residents of the house have been moving out. You are proud of each and every single one of them on finding something to do for themselves. The trolls that paired up with other trolls were the first to leave because they were used to living on their own already. Such sad children, but you are slowly coming to understand that it was just how their race was. That won’t stop you from spoiling them whenever they come home though. And they do stop by frequently which is nice for you and the others who are still here. Home is where the heart is and there are twenty one hearts that have a place here.

Rose is the first to enter the kitchen today. She is the last of the human girls to move out. Jane was surprisingly one of the first, but she is sure to do well with the bakery. And the troll that is helping her is a fairly obvious choice with his fascination with pies and clowns to match her love for harlequins.

But you know her chat handle is gustyGumshoe.

Roxy was the next to leave, going with that Sollux boy. Then Jade with Karkat. You sigh a little at the lost of Karkat. Despite his foul mouth and belligerent behavior especially when the two of you initially met, you found a mutual respect for one another. After you heard his story, how he led that band of young trolls to make the universe(s) that you were familiar with, you saw the respectable gentleman that existed underneath the gruff exterior wrought by necessity to live in a dangerous world.

You continue cooking as Rose glides in, wrapped in a fluffy lavender robe. She immediately heads to the cabinet for a large wide mug for her morning coffee. Kanaya is soon to follow. Now she is a proper lady you think. But no demure wallflower. She has her own strong sense of person. Together they make a fine pair, you smile to yourself as they trade silent glances over the breakfast table. You slide two plates in front of them with murmured thanks in return.

The boys trickle in next. Dirk and Jake are in town between their adventurous trips. The room fills with conversation, mostly thanks to the brunette. They are also quite an interesting pair.

John comes blustering in next. A veritable whirlwind of energy. You are surprised that it took him this long to wake up and join you especially as the scent of the bacon should have permeated the house by now. It’s only when Dave comes slouching in do you understand his cause for tardiness. The signature aviators don’t quite mask the dark circles under his eyes from your careful observance. You thought you heard someone’s nightmare last night. The poor boy. But at least he has a best friend like John to take care of him. You raised that boy right. Going to become a famous comedian one day like his grandfather.

Nanna owned a joke shop.

Soon all of the children have a plate of pancakes and a side of bacon when you finally serve yourself. The chatter turns to everyone’s plans for the day. You just sit and eat quietly, smiling when someone glances at you. You are happy with a family. It was just the two of you for so long.

You have two children.

John asks if he can borrow the car to take everyone to the mall today and you nod. You are so proud that he took the initiative and made sure everyone took driving lessons and passed the test. Though several of them had to tried multiple times. But John never gave up on them. He took extra time and was very patient with each and everyone. That boy Equius was especially tricky but at least he would always repair the car after any incident.

John finishes his breakfast first, excusing himself over the scrape of his chair. Dave calls after him not to pull any of his pranks. The table unanimously rolls their eyes at the answering laughter that trails back to the kitchen.

Also finished with the meal, you collect the plates from around the table and start doing the dishes. You see Rose off to the side eyeing the dishes. From what you’ve gathered, she was one of the few who had some semblance of a home lifestyle. You shoo her off, taking the responsibility for the dishes yourself and freeing her of any obligation. She nods in respect of your decision and glides off to get herself ready for their mall adventure. You don’t mind the chores at all. Gives you something to do because idle hands are the devil’s plaything. And no one needs anything to do with any devils around here.

The kitchen is empty and quiet again. It will be like this the majority of the time once everyone moves out. You hope they’ll come back as you have offered but you are also so proud to see them striking out on their own. Even John will leave the nest one day. Until then, you have a full house to take care of.

* * *

Dishes done, laundry completed, dinner in the oven cooking, dessert iced and waiting, you run out of chores. You warily eye the computer that Roxy and Sollux gave you when they departed. They also gave you a crash course in how to operate it, but so far you haven’t spent much time on it. You suppose you should. It is meant as a communication device and is supposedly a wealth of knowledge about this new world. You used the internet before but just enough to get around and mostly for business transactions. But now your only business is taking care of this house. Which when there were twenty-one persons living here, that was easily a full time job. Perhaps you should look for another one. As the computer loads, you contemplate your options. Jane always thought you were some sort of street performer or a comic busker, and you could never dispel her of that notion because it honestly sounded much more entertaining than your actual desk job.

Turns out John hated clowns. Did he hate you?

You suppose you take up baking as well, but Jane has beaten you to the punch on that track. She has learned so much from you in the confectionary arts as you learned so much from your mother.

Jane and Nanna were the same person.

Perhaps you could become a haberdasher since so many have complimented you on your fine gentlemanly fashion. You think that fedoras are the finest of accessories. You briefly remember a dream of purple where you taught a lot of carapaces how to dress their best. You wonder if people here would appreciate your dapper knowledge.

You also remember a purple world full of jesters with terrible hats.

The soft chimes of your computer bring your attention back from dream worlds and vague memories. You feel that faint headache at the base of your skull that comes from too much contemplation on such notions. But the past doesn’t matter anymore. You’ve been given this present for one reason or another and who are you to question it.

Instead you entertain yourself learning about the amalgamation that the Alternian and Earthen cultures have become.

* * *

You are pulled away from your computer as the oven timer chimes to inform you that you should check on dinner. You open the door and delicious aromas waft out. As you inspect the dish, you find that it still needs more time. After resetting the timer, you use your PDA to text Dave that dinner will be ready in thirty minutes. That boy is uncanny with his sense of time and you know he will pass it on to the rest of the crew. They are sure to return just in time for dinner.

In the meantime you start work on the side dishes and the salad. You are what you eat and you will make sure that these children are healthy.

* * *

Like clockwork the troupe comes home as you are taking dinner out of the oven. You hear the car drive up and the slam of doors as they get out. You listen to the loud conversation over the crinkle of bags carrying their finds when they come in. They wave and say hello as they pass you in the kitchen to drop the bags off in their respective rooms. You nod back as your hands are busy with the hot food. When they all return, everything is already set and waiting on the kitchen table.

It is pleasant to see everyone gathered around, even if it happened only this morning. The children immediately launch into telling me about their adventure at the mall. The girls apparently dragged them everywhere and Kanaya gave such good advice to fill their closets. Jake was the most excited about the shorts that they found. You catch Dirk smirking at that while John and Dave groan. You are glad that John is getting along with Jake nowadays. He used to complain about him and his outrageous claims all the time when they were just simply internet friends.

Conversation shifts to discuss weekend plans. Dirk has news that a new theme park has opened up on the outskirts of town. John and Dave are extremely enthusiastic about that prospect and demand that they all go on Saturday. When you chide them about remembering to write their college application essays, they are quick to inform you that they mailed those off the day before. John is growing up to be such a fine young lady. You catch a rosy blush go across John’s cheeks as conversation around the table stumbles. Oh dear, you’ve laid on your affection too much again, haven’t you. You just can’t help it; you are so proud of your son. Kanaya helpfully breaks the silence by asking Dirk what sort of rides the park will offer.

* * *

Rose and John help you clear the table after dessert. You dismiss the children as you fill the sink with hot soapy water and prepare to wash the pots and pans. John bounds away happily, but Rose lingers behind. She inquires about you how you are feeling and you tell her everything is normal. An odd sad look crosses her face as she tells you that if you ever need to talk to anyone her door will always be open. You thank her but you wouldn’t ever burden her with your troubles and woes especially after all she’s been through as a child no less. She tells you goodnight and softly exits the room.

It doesn’t take you long to finish up the dishes because you did quite a few as you were cooking despite the volume of feeding five additional people than you were used to. It used to be John’s task to wash the cooking dishes and Jane would put the plates and silverware into the dishwasher before all of those dreadful events. But with the return to normalcy and the dwindling of house residents, you have taken the chores upon yourself. It’s the least you can do in return for the sacrifices they made to save whole universes. Your children, all twenty of them, are truly fantastic.

The kitchen shone with cleanliness and the scent of fresh lemons hung in the air. Everything was tucked away in its rightful place. The little bit of leftover food wrapped up and placed in the refrigerator for a quick lunch. The cabinets were all wiped down and cleared of clutter. The sink had been washed out and dished dried and put away. You had even taken the time to quickly sweep the floor of all debris. It was all ready for the next day.

You tell your goodnights to the group as they settled in front of the television for one of Jake’s favorite movies. He is such a movie aficionado. You wonder if Jane still has the same avidity towards Nicolas Cage movies as she did before.

John was the one who knew every line.

You shake your head to clear it. Today seemed to be prone to them. You make your way up stairs, straightening up the flotsam that has accumulated over the day on them and in the halls. You enter the sanctuary of your own room and slowly disrobe. You carefully place your fedora on the shelf next to the others. You hang your tie in the vacant spot that it left when you took it this morning. You coil your belt and tuck it back in its proper position. You set your shirt and pants into the hamper for laundry later in the week. You sit on the edge of your bed and roll your socks off, correcting them before they also go into the hamper. You find your sleep pants and a comfortable soft shirt folded up and waiting for you on the bed where you left them earlier today. You enter the bathroom for your evening ablutions.

The simple movements of routine help dissipate the headache that builds up from the day. You focus on the now instead of looking back at the distorted overlap of two lives. Everything is normal here, you think as you brush your teeth. Though normal has been stretched to include the Trolls as well has memories of a whimsical game of absurdities and painful truths. You are so proud of your children. All twenty of them. They have done so very well.

You gently pull back the covers and slip into the fresh sheets. You pick up the book that Karkat left for you to read from the nightstand. You have time for a chapter or two before you have to sleep. It’s a fascinating story of vacillating quadrants between three noble Troll families that defend the agriculture planet from invaders. A truly riveting story.

* * *

You reach the end of the, oh dear, seventh chapter of the night. You tuck the bookmark into the spot and set it aside for tomorrow. You reach over and turn off the light and then sink down into the pillows and mattress. You relax completely in the darkness, feeling sleep start to creep at your consciousness. Perhaps tomorrow you will bake something with oranges. Perhaps tomorrow your mind will make more sense.


	14. Page of Spades

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tavros/OC, black. Tavros/Aradia/OC, ashen. Second person perspective, Present Tense.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Original Character. I couldn't fit any one else. Sorry.

You hate her.

You want to punch her face in and make her nose bleed that bright aqua blood. She can’t even have a proper blood color. How lame. You might have been considered a low blood before but at least you aren’t a mutant.

You just want to hip check her through the wall. You might next time she gets in your way. She is always getting in your way like you’re not aware of the shit that she is pulling. You’ve had enough shit pulled on you that you can recognize when shit is being pulled on you.

You just want to slam her head down into the desk every time she smirks at you when you get stuck in the stalls. At least your horns are symmetrical, not some crazy amorphous ridge. Vriska’s and Kanaya’s at least had some poise to them. Even Equius’s broken horn is better than what she wears on her head.

You just want to rip off her clothes because ‘punk’ is not a fashion style; it is a fashion nightmare that should be burned instead of worn out in public. Eridan had better style.

You want to kiss her to see how those bits of metal in her lips taste.

You hate Leslea Nythym.

* * *

You hear her snicker from the other side of the office as your horn taps the cabinet when you spin too quickly and carelessly to catch the hopbeast that lept over your shoulder. You see a flash of white as it dashes behind her desk.

“Leslea, would you mind, grabbing it for me? I still have to give it, like three more shots.”

“Grabbing what?” You stare at her incredulously. “Sorry I was too busy making sure that you don’t clothesline me with those fucking horns.”

“It’s under your desk.”

“Why don’t you come over here and get it your self? You are the one who let it go. Wouldn’t mind seeing you on your knees in front of me.”

“You know I don’t fit. Just watch your feet. Don’t want you stepping on this one, like you did that scalebeast.”

You enjoy watching her face awkwardly flush aqua in embarrassment over that memory but you’ll be the bigger person and not smirk over it. Much. But it does make her duck down and grab the fluffy creature. She hands Mr. Snuggykins back to you with a roll of her eyes. Why are you handling the hopbeast? Your specialty is the large beasts not the small ones. Leslea is the whiskerbeast and barkbeast whisperer, self-claimed friend of all that is small and cute, but for some reason she decided to dump this tiny beast onto your plate.  

The last three shots go quickly and you set the hopbeast back inside of its carrier, wishing it happy hoppy thoughts. As soon as the lock clicks down, the carrier is swept off the table and you catch a glimpse of Leslea and her tacky faux leather skirt fleeing the room with it to return Mr. Snuggykins to its owner and get all of the credit. Again.

You quietly seethe as you put away all of the used needles and medicine back into their appropriate places. You take a deep breath and check the calendar. Huh. No one else is on the schedule today. You could actually lock up early today. But Aradia has the car so you’d have to hang out here anyways until she gets off work.

Leslea comes back humming.

Humming.

Doesn’t she know how obnoxious that is. She can’t even hum well. It’s out of tune and not set to any regular rhythm. You can’t take it anymore.

“Uhh, I was going to take the hopbeast. You know, out to the client. Because, I did all of the work, you know.”

“Oh I’m sorry. Did I steal all of your thunder from patching up Mr. Snuggykins? And stop calling it a hopbeast. It’s a fucking rabbit.” She hops up onto the desk. People aren’t supposed to sit on desks like that. People aren’t supposed to sit on desks.

“A rabbit, huh. I guess... No. I’ll can call it whatever I want to. And, I want to call it a hopbeast.”

“You fucking idiot. What the fuck is wrong with you?” Her tone sets something boiling under your skin.

“Nothing is wrong with me.”

“Yea right.” She rolls her eyes at you again and something in you just snaps. Your fist is moving before you exactly give it the command but you are totally behind it as it crashes into her cheek. The hit nearly flips her backwards off of the desk, but she uses the momentum to rock forward with her own punch. You catch a manic grin just before the impact. It reminds you of a certain someone but you don’t have time to think about it before the next hit is coming your way. It knocks you back a step but you regain your ground as you take a swing. When she crashes to the ground you follow her down to end up straddling her hips. Her eyes gleam wickedly and she runs her tongue over the aqua gash in her lip.

You can’t take anymore and kiss her.

The salty taste of mutant blood compliments the tang of steel from the piercings. You find both to be obnoxious and instead focus on how it feels to sink your teeth into her lips. You focus on the gasps and small sounds that she makes. No, that you make her make.

She is so much cooler temperature-wise than you, you note as you pin her arms to the ground. And her curly hair is much softer to the touch than it looks as you grab a handful to pull her to your mouth. She’s not very muscular though; she doesn’t even move you an inch as she bucks underneath you. You know she is trying to based on the slight gleam of fear in those yellow and aqua eyes. You also see the burning hate she has for you. If you were a romantic at all, you could almost see her pupils shift into black spades for you. But this isn’t a cartoon and the real thing is so much better.

“I hate you,” you murmur into her mouth.

“Feeling’s mutual, buddy. Now get the fuck off of me.”

“I don’t think so. I think, you look pretty, good on the floor.”

“It’s not fucking comfortable down here.” She glares up at you.

“I don’t care. I’m plenty comfortable.”

“Fucking hell, you piss me off.”

“Good.” You shut her up with more kissing. Your hands press into her gray flesh around her wrists. She twists and writhes to get free but you are the one that handles the larger beasts as that’s so much work for her, the princess. She usually handles the small cute things and the easy transactions with the clients. She gets to talk with them and laugh with them. She plays up what she does around the office. Going as far as stealing some of your stories to impress them. Oh you are going to make her pay for that. Usually she doesn’t even break a sweat but as you mouth down to her skinny neck you taste the light sheen of sweat building up from her clammy skin.

“I hate you,” she half moans, half barks at you. It feels good to reduce her to this pathetic state. You sit up a little bit and catch the black fire in her eyes. So this is what Vriska wanted. Now you get it. You chuckle lightly and wipe your mouth with the back of your hand, freeing one of her own. She takes the opportunity to slug you again, knocking you up and back just enough that she gets a leg out from under you. She plants a boot in the middle of your chest and moves you the rest of the way off. You grab the tacky ‘motorcycle’ boot off and it slides off her foot easily despite the variety of snaps, belts, and laces that decorate the ankle. You roll your eyes at her and toss it out of the door to the reception area. She glances after it as she stands up.

“Advance or, uh, abscond,” you offer.

“What the fuck?” She decides to abandon the shoe for the option of tackling you. To her it probably felt like running into a brick wall based on how she practically bounces off you. She doesn’t get very far away because she managed to wrap her arms around your shoulder, her nails digging in through your shirt. Her legs come up and wrap around your waist and she draws even closer. It’s now her teeth that tug and pull at your lip in a messy kiss. She draws your blood which mixes muddily with hers. You support her up with your arms wrapping around your torso. You can feel your t-shirt shredding under her nails. Skin too based on the hot lines being dragged across your back. She gets the rip to the edge and yanks the shredded cloth away from you. She leans back into your hand and looks at your appreciatively.

“Damn, Tavros. Working with those, what do you call them, musclebeasts,” she sneers, “has finally given you some muscle tone.”

“Uhh, thanks."

"Oh don't you dare get sappy on me. I still hate your guts, you pansy ass."

"Pansy ass? You are the one, who cuddles up to anything, that’s fluffy or furry.”

“Shut up!” she snarls.

“Make me.”

And she does by kissing you hard.

* * *

The door chimes in the other room surprises the two of you and you spring apart. She smirks at you as you scramble around to find your jacket to cover your bare torso. Leslea just perches herself on the desk again, ignoring your narrowed glare in her direction as you hear someone moving around the reception. A familiar face peeks through the office door.

I freeze under Aradia’s cursory glance. Actually it feels more like an examination.

You look like shit. Your jacket lays over your bare chest that has bronze and teal smeared over bruises and scrapes. Your lip is bitten and bleeding. You feel the shiner already swelling on your right cheek. As you duck your head in shame you see something caught on the end of your horns. A piece of her tacky mesh sleeve. You glance over at Leslea and find her in a similar state as well.

She looks hot as she leans back on her arms, legs crossed. One foot is still missing a shoe. Her clothes are still all there but not in the best of condition. Her split lip only adds to her mischievous expression that you just want to hit off. Again. She just gets under her skin, doesn’t she?

When you look back over to Aradia she has just finished her own observation of Leslea. Bronze flushes your cheeks as she grins at you.

“I thought I smelled pitch in the air.”

You truly want to duck and hide but your horns render that point moot.

“Uhh... Hi, Aradia. Um... we can head out, now.” You start looking around for your stuff.

“Nope.”

You freeze where you are. Leslea laughs at your moment of panic.

“What do you mean, nope?”

“The two of you look like a mess.”

“I did my best. He looks good.”

You shoot another glare in her direction.

“No.” Aradia steps fully into the room and starts bustling about. “None of that right now. I think the two of you have done your damage.” She grabs a towel from the cabinet and wets it in the sink. Meekly you do let the black feelings simmer down. Instead you let the ashen glow from Aradia’s care wash over you as she cleans up the blood across your chest. You take off the jacket to give her access to your back and lean over the examination table. Behind you, you can hear movement from Leslea trying to slip away. Aradia’s presence disappears briefly.

“Nope. You are next, young lady. You are just as rough as he is and don’t need to be going out into public like that.”

You can hear the pout in her voice as she responds with, “Fine. But I’m not as bad off as him. I can at least keep my clothes on.” You bristle a little at that but Aradia turns back to you with the cloth against your back and you calm down. Huh, this must be what it is like to have an auspistice. There aren’t any scrapes that need bandaging thankfully, most of them have already stopped bleeding, and so Aradia finishes up with you quickly. As you shrug back into your jacket, Aradia points to the nearby chair and humbly your oblige.

Aradia rinses the cloth and turns to clean Leslea up next. You try and fail or hide your prideful grin as Leslea flinches at the soft cloth when it touches her wounds. You guess living on Alternia and being friends with Vriska really did toughen you up. Of course nothing will really compare to the pain of broken legs or the pain of a lance through the chest...

The only bandage required is just a small one for Leslea’s lip just to hold it together so that it can heal properly. The two of your might need some bags of ice for your respective black eyes, but other than that, the damage was fairly minimal.

“So, are the two of you finally official?”

You stare at each other. She still looks hot, even without the excess blood covering her chin. And if her infuriating smirk is anything to go by, she thinks the same about you.

“Hate you,” she sneers.

“Hate you more.”

“Well, I guess that settles it. Now, you can’t be hate-snogging at work. You’ll have patients to take care of and clientele to appease. When something does happen here, let me know so I can bring extra clothes,” Aradia looks pointedly at you as if it was your fault your shirt got shredded, “or troll-sized bandages. Leslea, here is my number. Keep me in the loop about your hate dates as well. Now Tavros, We’ll head out now.” She grabs her bag and leaves the office, her skirts swirling out behind her.

“So I guess she’s official too, isn’t she? Nice to know someone has your back.”

“Your back too, you know.”

“I always thought she was a little pale for you. Works out.”

“It does. Well, I shouldn’t keep her waiting. Be ready for tomorrow. Full schedule for, uh, both of us, it looks like,” you tell her as you glance at the calendar. When you turn back towards her you find her standing right in front of you. She grabs your chin and pulls you down, kissing you roughly on the lips.

“I hate you.” She saunters out of the room.

You think to yourself that this is going to be fun and follow out after you hear the chimes on the door.


	15. shorting out Part 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hal and Sollux and Roxy. Third person perspective.

The crackle in the air precedes the smell of ozone by a couple milliseconds giving Hal enough time to let go of Roxy’s shoulders before he is whipped away from her by swirling red and blue psionic energy. He nearly collides with the kitchen counter but manages to halt his momentum just microns from the impact.

“What the fuck do you think you are doing?” The voice comes from Hal’s right. He straightens up from the awkward pose and turns to face the troll.

“What did it look like I was doing?”

“It looked like you were kissing my matesprit.”

“And if I was?”

“I’ll kill you.” Red and blue sparks snap around his head and fists.

“Sollux!” Both troll and android turn to look at the distressed human.

“It’ll be alright, Roxy,” Hal tells her.

“Are you okay, Roxy?” Sollux simultaneously asks. He whips back around at the sound of her name coming simultaneously from the android. “Who the fuck are you?”

“I’m Hal,” he answers as he pulls himself up to his full height.

“The fucking Auto Responder?”

“The one and only.” Hal takes a grandiose bow. “Now, if you don’t mind, Roxy and I were in the middle of something.”

“Stay the fuck away from her.”

“It seems that you don’t understand the situation here. I’m here to court Roxy properly.”

“Roxy is my matesprit.”

Hal ignores him and continues, “Now, if you would, just turn around and leave.”

Sollux defies him as he move further into the room, abandoning the groceries near the door. He turns and stands square shouldered in the direct line of sight between Hal and Roxy.

“That is just rude.” Hal takes a step forward. “You know, I don’t have enough data on you and how you fight. This might actually be interesting.”

“Hal, no. Please no. Don’t do this,” Roxy begs from behind.

“It’s alright. I’ll only be a moment.” Hal takes another step and the psionic crackles kicks up a notch. Storms of red and blue energy swirl around Sollux’s fists.

“No.”

A sudden drop into a crouch is the only warning Sollux gets before Hal launches himself into the air in an arrow-like tackle. He seemingly freezes in the air with an arm extended as he is caught by a net of psionic energy. His hand is less than a foot away from Sollux’s face, now contorted into a grimace of concentration. After straining against the mental wall for a few seconds, Hal twists his body around and manages to escape, nearly instantly returning at a different vector of attack. He is stopped again with less than six inches to spare this time. A second after his momentum is halted, Hal retreats again. He detects the crackles of ozone to his left, indicating a trap of energy, so instead he works his way to the right almost casually. His sensors tell him of a lull in energy in a certain area, a weakness in the troll’s shield. He maps out the spot and prepares a plan for his next attack.

His lunge is again sudden but Sollux catches him and forces his kinetic energy to a stop.

“Your powers may react as fast as you think,” Hal taunts, “but I think faster than you.”

Without pulling back his hands, Hal twists the lower half of his body around, targeting the known weak spot with his legs. As soon as he senses the change he contorts again and moves into another weak spot that’s closer to his quarry. The shift happens again and he moves into a closer position. Then suddenly the weak spot becomes a condensed block of sharp pressure.

"But you aren't smarter than me." Sollux slowly brings his hands together mimicking a crushing action. Under the muted roaring of his psionics there was the unmistakable sound of groaning metal.

Hal’s mechanical expression doesn’t change as he run several calculations about his current predicament. At the current rate of applied pressure his chassis will survive another another thirty seconds before damage occurs. Fourty four seconds before irreparable damage to the structure. One minute and two seconds before circuity starts to be affected. The pressure is a unified field, which Hal has to give Sollux credit for such control. No mobility extremely limits any attack options. Hal regrets not including any projectile weapons in his design, not that he’d be able to access or aim them well, but they’d be another resource to leverage. Logic and dialog probably won’t be effective unless Hal wanted to decrease the current time left. Sollux seems to be enraged and protective and such emotional spectrum doesn’t bode well for reasoning and gaining his release. Hal’s own actions might be considered rash given his lack of data. But nothing risked, nothing gained. Hal's act of aggression and subsequent taunting would not gain any favor and would be forgotten. There is nothing Hal can do from his current position. Sollux has effectively checkmated him. Impressive. The only thing that can save Hal is an external factor.

Twenty eight seconds until damage.

"Sollux, stop. Please, Sollux. Please."

The pressure decreases. Again Hal is impressed with the nuanced control that Sollux possessed over his psionics. This is truly insightful data that he is collecting. He recalculates. Four minutes thirty one seconds until damage.

"Why should I, Roxy?"

"It's just Hal."

"He kissed you and tried to attack me. 'Just Hal' isn't going to cut it."

"Sollux, please."

“I can’t,” he growls out.

“Just let me talk to him.”

“I’m not letting him go. Whatever you say, you say in front of me.”

“I’m not going to hide anything from you. I don’t want to hide anything from you.”

“Then why didn’t I know about this.”

“I didn’t know about this. I didn’t know Dirk built him a chassis until he showed up at the door. I didn’t know he would confess. I didn’t know.”

Sollux narrows his eyes at the android in front of him. He relaxes Hal’s bindings below the critical danger point Hal had calculated. It actually drops low enough that Hal can force some movement if he wants to, but based on the collected data, he won’t get more than a few inches forward before Sollux would stop him again with potentially supercritical pressure. Hal holds perfectly still to keep the peace and to keep his advantage quiet.

“Hal? Are you alright?”

“Yes. All damage is superficial.”

“Damage?”

“I’m fine.”

“No. You’re not.” She shakes her head at him. “Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why did you kiss me?”

“Because I love you,” he states as if it is the most obvious thing in the world. “And you love me.”

“Oh Hal.”

“You told me so. I have every chat log where you say it saved to my memory banks.”

“I do love you, Hal. But-”

“Then what is the issue?”

“I don’t love you like that.”

“I know you grew up post-humanity, Roxy. But you aren’t a troll. You don’t use moirallegiance.”

“You are my best friend.”

“I predicted you would say that. The previous statement negates it.”

“You are more than my best friend. You are more than a moirail to me.”

“Obviously.”

“Damn it. It’s complicated, Hal.”

“No. It’s not.”

“Yes, it is!” Roxy balls her fists in frustration and squeezes her eyes shut to keep the tears back. “Why are you doing this? Why are you doing this to me? Why are you doing this to me now?”

“I’m sorry it took so long for me to get a body.”

“It’s not about your body, Hal. Why would that matter to me? Do you really believe I am that shallow? Is that how you see me? Is that how you know me? After _all_ we’ve been through! After that _hell_ we grew up in! _You believe that_!” Roxy shouts at him. Her body is rigid as the words  echo through the apartment. Then her shoulders slump down. She begins again in a softer voice. “You shouldn’t have waited, Hal. I wouldn’t have. As I didn’t when I decided on Sollux. I love you. I do. But I love Sollux.”

Hal doesn’t respond. The only indication that he heard Roxy is the soft closing of his eyes. Roxy glances at Sollux before walking past him, disrupting the psionic field. Hal is lowered down from his lunge with the remaining control Sollux has until he is standing up straight on his own power. Roxy comes to a stop in front of him. She places a hand on his cheek but he keeps his eyes close. She leans up on her toes and gently places a kiss on his lips. His eyes fly open. His sensors study and record the moment. She pulls away after five point four six three seconds, too soon by Hal's estimates. She meets his eyes for a moment before turning away. She goes to Sollux and kisses him the same. She turns back to Hal but leans back into Sollux's embrace.

"I'm sorry, Hal."

"I... I understand. I’ll... I’ll go now.” Hal turns toward the door.

“Wait.” Both Roxy and Hal turn to look at Sollux. “Hal, don’t go yet. Roxy, can I talk to you?” Sollux tilts his head towards the bedroom.

“Sure,” Roxy replies, confusion evident in her tone. The two of them head into the other room, closing the door solidly behind them.

As if a simple door could keep Hal from eavesdropping. He really wouldn’t need to move to recalibrate he sensors to pick up their vocal patterns, but he refrains. Instead he starts to predict what heinous punishments Sollux could ask Roxy for his trespasses. Though really how accurate can his calculations be as this scenario never even crossed his circuits.

It takes eleven minutes and thirty seven seconds to come up with twenty four thousand three hundred fourty nine ideas with varying probabilities.

When the door opens and the two residents of the apartment come out, Hal first notices Sollux's soft smirk which causes him to raise the probabilities on the worst outcomes, but then he notices the stubborn blush across Roxy's cheeks and her own lazy smile. Surely she wouldn't be happy over Hal's imminent destruction. Caught in a hesitation of calculations, Hal fails to react as a net of psionics falls over his shoulders. He only recognizes the danger when his pressure equations start running again.

"I think I might hate you," Sollux informs Hal.

His self preservation routines kick on immediately but Hal knows he is already doomed.

"But really when has that mattered with me?" Sollux continues as he approaches Hal. Hal glances over to Roxy but she is still just standing there with a drifting smile and on her lips and rouge on her cheeks. "For once being fucked up actually benefits the situation." Sollux gets right up into his face. "How do you feel about my Roxy?"

"I love her." Red mechanical irises stare into dual tinted glasses. He can just detect red and blue ringed with mustard through the glass.

"And how do you feel about me?"

"Jealous."

"Enough to hate?"

"I'm sorry?"

"Do you hate me?"

"What?"

"Do you _hate_ me?"

"Oh." The pressure from the psionics increase until the all too familiar sound of wrongly moving metal starts again. " _Yes_."

"Yes, what?" Sollux sneers at him.

"I hate yo-" Hal's obvious response is cut off by the sudden presence of Sollux's lips against his in a kiss.

Instantly he starts cataloging the differences between Roxy and Sollux. The angle that Hal had to tilt his head down is less, but the optimum angle between line of mouth to avoid hitting noses is greater. There was definitely more lip involvement and the inclusion on Sollux's fangs pressing against the rubber is a new dynamic. He body language also read as hostile instead of static or gentle as Roxy had behaved with her previous kisses. It is so novel and full of differentiating intricacies that Hal finds himself actually enjoying the kiss and begins to respond with similar patterns.

Both parties are surprised apart when a bite from Hal's sculpted enamel teeth on Sollux's lips pulls a moan from the troll.

"I've always said my matesprit is a genius," Roxy finally speaks up at the two stare each other down. "Though my boyfriend being a super computer isn't too shabby either."

"There are high probabilities that this will not work," Hal reluctantly admits.

"I'm willing to play the odds,” Sollux challenges. Hal is turned by a hand on his shoulder to face Roxy. The kiss she gives him is finally the one that he wants. It’s all of things that he’s read about in romance novels. It’s all of the things they show in rom coms. It’s how it is supposed to be. He realizes that he will have to share with Sollux, but it will be worth it in order to have this.

Human, troll, and android.

Strawberries and cream, honey, and metal.

Why not?


	16. Blind Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> EquiusNepeta, OCOC, Equius<3OC, Nepeta<3OC. Third Person Perspective.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize now for the puns. I know what happened and... I'm sorry. Please enjoy what you can.  
> Warning: Original Characters.

“Equius! Equius! Equius!” Nepeta shouts from the hallway when she throws the door open.

“Nepeta, please don’t shout. I’m right here.”

“Sorry!” She dances into the living room turned workspace, carefully stepping around the robotic parts and pieces strewn about. “I’m just supurr excited!”

“So I can tell.” He looks up from the circuitry he has been installing. “And what are you so excited about?”

“I finally met her! And she’s pawsitively purrfect! Like absolutely amazing and I can’t wait! Oh it’s going to be so nice!”

“Who? Nepeta, slow down and explain it to me.”

“Sorry! I really am hypurr today, aren’t I?” She drapes herself over Equius’s shoulders. “I met Felixi’s moirail today! She’s so pretty and nice and purrfect for him. Really keeps him grounded. They are so cute together!” She tilts her head thoughtfully. “The two of them really remind me of us. I mean, we are the best meowrails evfur! But they are a close second. And you know how Felixi is an olive blood like me? Well, Marina is blue like you! They are so much like us except for evfurything being all swapped and turned around, of course.”

“Of horse. I mean, of course.”

“Oooh! You’re in a good mood today!”

“Well this project is going very well. I’ll be finished by tonight.”

“Good. Great. Purrfect even! Beclawse that means you’ll be free tomorrow night, right?”

“I suppose. What is happening tomorrow night?”

“We are going on a double date!”

“Excuse me?” Equius craned his neck to look at the young woman grinning madly behind him.

“A double date! Equius, she is a gorgeous blue blood and absolutely amazing fur Felixi and if she’s amazing fur him, then she will be wonderfurl fur you.”

“Nepeta, I don’t think this is a good idea.” His shirt started to get a little damp as nervousness hit him. Nepeta being draped across him isn’t helping him maintain good air flow either.

“It will be great! It will get you out of the house and meeting mew people.”

“Nepeta,” he starts, his tone unconvinced.

“Equius.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Pawlease?”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“No.” “Yes.” “No.” “Yes.” “No.” “Yes.” “No.” “Yes.”

“Fine.”

“Yes!” Nepeta finally lets him go to do a twirl around in the room, her coat and tail swirling around her. Equius rolls her eyes at her but smiles anyways.

“But you are in charge of figuring out what I am wearing.”

“Of course! You’ll be purrticularly handsome. All you have to bring is a great cattitude!”

* * *

As Equius stands in the mirror, straightening his tie, he can’t help but think Nepeta was correct. She has successfully made him particularly handsome. The dashing suit gives him a clean look with its straight lines and crisp edges. The white shirt stands brightly against the dark fabric of the jacket. A square green handkerchief is tucked into the breast pocket, the corners peaking out colorfully. The bright blue of his bow tie brings out the blue of his eyes. His hair is combed back into a high ponytail that still reaches to his shoulder blades even in this style.

He fiddles with the olive diamond shaped cufflinks that Nepeta gave him on his wriggling day the year before. He hadn’t had a chance to wear them before now. Maybe Nepeta was right about needing to get him out of the house.

“Equius!” He sighs at her call, obviously from the front hall based on the echoing. “Stop purrcrastinating!” He makes his final adjustments and steps out of his bedroom to greet his moirail. He catches sight of Nepeta as he turns the corner and immediately comes to a halt.

Her hair, also grown out, has been styled into soft curls that frame her face. Her dress is a nice pale sage. The bodice is covered in sequins that catch and reflect the light. At her waist the skirt flows down and out in a bell shape, floating to a stop just above her knees. Gathered sheer material draped over one shoulder. Elegant strappy silver shoes give her enough height to come up to Equius’ shoulders. Bright pink lipstick color her lips and warm brown eyeshadow complement her wide green eyes. A silver necklace with a small but bright blue stone hangs around her neck. A silver charm bracelet hangs on her wrist. The signs of all her friends clink cheerfully as she lifts her hand to brush away an errant piece of hair.

“You are beautifoal.”

Her smile lights up her entire face and makes Equius’ chest tighten with pride.

“Thanks, Equius. And don’t you clean up nicely,” she teases.

“You dressed me.”

“I know. I did such a pawesome job. Meow come on! I don’t want to be late!” She dances over, somehow still as graceful as a cat on her stilt-like heels to grab his hand and pull him along. She pauses only briefly to let him lock the door before leading him to the car.

The ride to the restaurant is relatively short. Apparently Felixi and Marina would be meeting them there. Nepeta bounds happily away from the car as soon as it is parked. Equius follows in with a bit more reserve, but his nerves make his movements a little jerky. Nepeta is waiting at the doors for him, holding it open. The air conditioning that blows out is comforting against the heat of the jacket. He steps inside and waits awkwardly for Nepeta to ask the hostess for their reservation and if the other two had arrived. So light on her toes, she turns back to Equius.

“They aren’t here yet. But Felixi texted me that they were on their way.”

“It won’t herd to wait for them here.” Nepeta grins at the pun.

“Otherwise we might get foal on the free bread.”

“Of horse. And that would be unfurtunate.” He finds himself smiling as well as they move out of the entrance area. They traded puns back and forth until Equius hears the door behind them open up. He glances over Nepeta’s head and his breath catches in his throat. He barely pays attention to the shorter troll holding the door open as a goddess sweeps in.

“Goodness.” It was the most incredible shade of blue he had ever seen. The dress was cut straight across her bust, showing of beautiful strong shoulders, with an empire waist that let an overlay of gauzy material gather before drifting down over her full curving hips, parting away from the middle. The cobalt fabric underneath falls with an asymmetric hem that cuts across her knees, going down almost to her ankles. Modest pumps of the same blue lift her height equal to Equius’. Her neck and wrist are adorn with a necklace and bracelet of the same style, several gold strands twisted together with a strand of olive glass beads. The same olive color is accented across her lips and above her blue eyes. Her black hair falls straight around her face, curving in gently at the bottom when it graces her collar bone. Her horns sit upon her head like a tiara, their delicately pointed tips crossing at her crown with gentle sweeps. She walks in with a sense of majesty.

“Better watch your language there, Equius.” A bump at his side from Nepeta reminds him to close his mouth.

“Oh dear, I didn’t say anything inappropriate, did I?”

“No silly, I was just kitten, just teasing. But I guess you like her dress.” She grabs his hand and pulls him forward. “Hiya, Felixi!”

“Hey sweetheart. Sorry for being late, traffic was terrible. I think we hit ever light between the house and here and almost everyone just had to be in our lane even though there were plenty of open lanes and then there was that grandma who couldn’t seem to find the gas pedal. Maybe she had the emergency brake on or something because she was just crawling down the road and probably is what made us hit every light.” Equius manages to pry his eyes away from the blue beauty in front of him to look over the shorter troll who is talking. He had an inch or so on Nepeta even with her heels. He seems to have the same lithe build as Nepeta though he is dressed in a dark olive suit instead of a dress with a complementary blue tie which sits against a black button down shirt. His curly dark hair is cut short and halos about his head, kept off of his face by the way his horns angle up and then tuck behind his ears. Equius can see the bright personality shine through his olive eyes that don’t leave Equius’ moirail’s face.

“Felixi, they don’t need to know every detail.” He stops mid sentence as his companion places a gentle hand on his head.

“Sorry, Marina. And sorry Nepeta.”

“It’s alright. I think its cute!” Felixi beams at the compliment. “Oh but I want to introduce you to my meowrail! Equius, this is Felixi and his moirail Marina. Felixi, Marina, this is Equius!”

Felixi immediately sticks his hand out and Equius takes it in turn, pleasantly surprised by the strong grip. “It’s nice to meet you, sir!”

“Felixi! He’s not older than you; he’s my age.”

“Oh!” His eyes go wide. “Sorry. Still good to meet Nepeta’s moirail.” Equius can’t help but forgive him as he looks properly chastised.

“I’ve herd a lot about you, Felixi. Nepeta speaks well of you.”

“Thanks!” The bright smile returns to his face.

Equius lets his hand go and turns to extend it to Marina. “It is my pleasure to meet you and to have you as my date tonight.”

“Oh my, you are even more dashing than Nepeta described you,” Marina replies in a sultry voice that instantly draws a deep flush to Equius’ face. He can feel a bead of sweat forming on his brow. Her hand is cool against his and he hopes that his palms aren’t as bad as he thinks they are.

“Really? Well... um... I...”

“And eloquent too I see.” Marina’s soft smile takes the bite out of her statement as if an apology for putting him on the spot with her previous one. It works to give him a chance to recover.

“I try. I’m afraid I only herd of you as of yesterday but Nepeta says that you are a great moirail for Felixi.”

“We manage. He gets a little excitable at times and forgets his manners. But he keeps me lively.”

“I sympathize with the feeling.”

There is a quiet giggle by their side and together they look over to find their respective counterparts grinning cheekily at them. “If the two of you are done staring into each other’s eyes and lauding our moirallegiances, then our table is this way.”

The two blue bloods quickly drop their hands and nervously take a half step away from each other to a more publicly appropriate distance. There is another giggle as the group follows the hostess to their table. They seat themselves at the table where the women are on one side of the table and the men on the other across from their respective dates. Equius glances nervously across the table diagonally to Nepeta who replies with a confident nod. He turns back to face his date who is also turning away from her own moirail. They smile knowingly at each other before everyone turns to their menus.

* * *

The dinner goes over well. Everything they ordered was delicious. Conversation and laughter flowed easily across the table with no awkward silences or exclusion of anyone. Despite his nerves leading up to the date, even Equius relaxed into the atmosphere. The waiter clears away the empty plates as both Equius and Felixi ask for the check. Equius glances over at his date, but Marina just nods, letting him handle the transaction.

“So it’s off to the cinema now, right?” Felixi asks the table as soon as he finishes signing his bill and tucking away his wallet.

“Cinema?”

“Yea, Equius, didn’t I tell you it was dinner and a movie?” Nepeta tilts her head at him.

“No. You simply told me to look nice and smile for the double date.”

“Oops, my bad!”

“Don’t worry, I had to pry the information out of Felixi myself. Maybe it’s not such a good idea to keep these two troublemakers together,” Marina teases.

“No! We’ll be good. We promise. We just wanted this date to go well since when I heard about you Equius you sounded really cool and I really wanted Marina to be with someone really cool and when Nepeta suggested that maybe the two of you could go out just like how we are going steady, it just seemed like a good idea and I think its working which is good because it would be terrible if you two didn’t like either other because Nepeta and I like each other and you two are our moirails so it would be great if we could hang out all of the time sorta like this.” While Felixi talked the group stood up and made their way out. “I mean I have really enjoyed tonight and I’m pretty sure Nepeta has enjoyed tonight and Marina, you haven’t stopped smiling. I don’t know that much about you, Equius, but you don’t look like you are about to kill someone so-” Marina pats his head to interrupt his rambling again when they reach the parking lot.

“Why don’t you learn more about Equius in the car, Felixi?” Marina offers.

Nepeta giggles and smiles at the confused men. She grabs Marina’s hand and pulls her away from them. “We’ll see you there, boys!”

Equius and Felixi just stand there and stare after their dates and moirails until Felixi finally turns to him and shrugs. “Well, I know what movie theater they are going to. Can I get a ride?”

“Of horse. This way.” Equius leads the way over to their car with Felixi trailing behind.

They remain in silence with Felixi giving Equius quick, short directions toward the theater. They are on a long stretch of road with the street lamps casting golden glow over everything and the signs of urban nightlife slowly emerging.

“If you hurt her, I know ways of making sure you won’t ever do so again.”

“Same goes for you, buddy. I know people.”

“I do believe we are on the same page then.”

“Agreed,” Felixi nods. “So really like her?”

“She is a magnificent woman. What she is doing with material sciences will make waves in the world of engineering. Once she finishes her research I will have to see if I can apply it to my robotic projects though I can already see some applications.”

“I can’t keep up with all of that techno babble. I just have to smile and nod at her, but the two of you seemed to be getting into it pretty good over dinner.”

“Yes. The way she explains her work is a little over the top if you are not already familiar with doping compositions of materials such as circuit boards-”

“Dude. I’m not going to try to follow you either.”

“My apologies. I tend to get caught up sometimes.”

“Just like Marina. And just how Nepeta describes you. Passionate about your work.”

“To a fault.”

“But that’s why you have Nepeta. She’s a doll, isn’t she? All smiles and sunshine and snark. The perfect combination all wrapped up in a pretty package. I still can’t believe how I ran into her. You know the story right? I literally ran into her on my bike and it was a total mess and I couldn’t stop talking because man was I nervous, I mean, I just ran into this real pretty girl and all I could think about was ways to keep talking to her to keep her smiling at me even as we picked up the groceries that I knocked out of her hand until finally she managed to shut me up with a kiss. Oh boy, did that work well. I was still stunned as she walked away. I couldn’t even ask her to stop. It was if the cat really had grabbed my tongue, which is really an apt phrase for her and what happened isn’t it?”

“Yes. Yes it is.”

“But that’s one of the cutest things about her. I’m a bit more of a dog person myself.”

“I know someone who was like that doo. But she didn’t get along with cats.”

“Nepeta is too lovable not to get along with. Turn right up here.” Equius follows his instructions and pulls into the parking lot. He finds an open spot and parks the car. They sit there for a moment with the car off.

“I am glad she found you. Nepeta has experienced unrequited interest before.”

“Yea, that Karkat guy. He doesn’t know what he’s missing. I really think this is going to work out, I mean the thing between the four of us, dating each other’s moirails. Marina is obviously into you and I really, really like Nepeta and you are a pretty good guy. Dinner was a lot of fun and everything was yummy and the chatter was good even if I can’t follow the hocus pocus that you and Marina do called science.” He absently follows Equius’ actions to get out of the car. Together they walk towards the front of the movie theater. “I just got to talk with Nepeta instead and she is so much fun to talk to, I could listen to her all day. She really likes to talk about her stories. I’m still so proud that she’s gotten several of them published. She has the most creative imagination. And the way she tells the stories as if she actually lived him. I guess that’s what makes her such a good role player. I mean, some of the characters that she tells the stories in are so different from her usual playful self but still absolutely believable. My favorite, besides when she writes from her own perspective, or should I say purrspective, is the coolkid one. I think his stories are always the craziest! I mean, fighting daily with his lusus over puppets and then the crow episodes! Oh man. Though his collection of dead things is kinda weird but he makes it up with his raps and music.”

The description catches Equius’ attention but before he can respond he hears Nepeta call out from near the entrance. She waves broadly, bouncing on the balls of her feet even though they are only a few feet away.

“Come on, guys! The movie is about to start! Equius, you drive so furry slow!”

Felixi shrugs and jogs across the remaining distance, scooping Nepeta up in a giggling hug. Marina waits patiently as Equius approaches, holding herself with regal posture.

“Please be patient, I still need tickets.”

Marina holds up two. “No need. I purchased them with Nepeta when we got here.”

“Oh.”

“It’s only fair since you covered dinner for me.”

“How kind of you. But money is not a mane concern of mine.”

“So I’ve heard from Nepeta. Still, it is something I can do.” She reaches out and takes his arm, tucking her hand into the crook of his elbow. She leads him into the movie theater, handing the tickets over to the attendant before finding the correct door. The room is dark as the previews for other movies have already started but they both catch sight of Nepeta waving energetically at them. Shifting her hand to Equius’, Marina climbs the steps to the appropriate row and sits down next to her moirail with Equius trailing along.

“Did you two smooch?” Felixi stage whispers to Marina. Equius feels the cool rush of blood to his cheeks even as Marina sputters.

“Felixi!”

“Heh. That’s not a no,” he replies cheekily.

“No. We did not ‘smooch,’” she emphasizes Felixi’s chosen word.

“Aw. Why not? What are you waiting for?”

Marina resolutely turns away from him. Equius catches a glimpse of her own cheeks dusted with blue as a bright scene on the screen illuminates the audience.

“Marina,” Equius whispers quietly just to her as he leans closer, “may I kiss you?”

Her eyes go wide and her mouth drops open for a moment before curling into a soft smile. “Yes.”

Together they close the distance to press their lips together. The way her cool skin feels against his is remarkable. Her hand comes up and lays gently on his cheek. Both twist their upper bodies to reach a more comfortable position. A moment later they pull apart where stay, mere inches between them, with happy smiles. Until Felixi whoops out a holler and Nepeta catcalls at them. Marina turns back around and knocks her moirail on the back of his head. Equius stares Nepeta down until she sinks down in her seat.

* * *

The movie was enjoyable, especially as Marina and Equius held hands the entire time. They had to quiet down their excitable counterparts to keep the other patrons from complaining about them.

Equius offers Marina his arm again as they exit, Felixi surreptitiously copying him for Nepeta. They enter the lobby with Nepeta extolling the movie they had just watched.

“The story was so pawsible despite being so extraordinary! I mean, the chances of finding love like that is a chance in a million and to go such lengths to get back together and then to successfully fill all fur quadrants! It was so pawsitively wonderfur. And the mewsic! I made me purrtend that I was right there along side everyone. I knew what everyone was feline and and everything. And I knew that the bad guy was lion even befur the reveal. I was so furious at him for being such a hypurrcite and furgetting where he came from and how the others helped him!”

“But it was actually his actions that let the group figure out the whinny move. Without him pushing them at every turn, they would have roan around in circles. Even his taunts were actually hints like when he told that girl she was pasture prime, that was telling her that she needed to go back because she passed where she needed to turn, at the street with the prime numbers.”

“Oh! I didn’t catch that, Equius. Maybe he wasn’t so bad afur pawll.”

“I find ambiguity of the character’s motives make for the best stories,” Marina offers.

“I just like the action! I mean those battles were awesome! Sorta makes me want to find an epic fight to save the universe,” Felixi chimes in. Nepeta and Equius trade meaningful glances.

“Um, well they did make it look furry purretty.”

“Yes. But the physics were less than realistic. Don’t you think so, Equius?”

“Of horse. Movie directors play god to get the udderly best picture they can. I’d wish they would just pony up and use the real thing. Explosions don’t need to be that big to convey the same thing.”

“I like the explosions,” Felixi comments with a big grin.

“Course you would, sweetie,” Nepeta hugs his arm and tucks her head onto his shoulder just as Marina lifts a hand to her face to hide a yawn. Equius glances around for the time.

“It is getting late, no matter how fun this date is. Some of us have work tomorrow.”

“But I don’t want to,” Nepeta complains with a pout.

“No, sweetheart, he’s right,” Felixi tell her, tipping her head up to kiss her lightly on the nose. “We’ll play more later.”

“Tomorrow?”

“Yes.” He kisses her pouting lips, making them smile when she pulls away.

“I have a conference call with some colleagues in Cheena tomorrow night,” Marina sighs with a tone of regret.

“How about lunch the day after?” Equius suggests, also turning his date’s expression to a smile.

“That sounds lovely.”

“Good. Then I until then marewell, Marina.”

“Good night, Equius.” She turns to him fully and pulls him into a sweeping kiss until Felixi has to cough to the side. Both trolls have blue cheeks as they turn to their moirails and head to different cars.

“Tonight it was good,” Nepeta sighs dreamily as she sinks down into her seat.

“Neigh, it was furry good.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I'm sorry for the puns.


	17. Movies and Unfortunate Phone Calls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jake<3Dirk. Third Person perspective. Mature.
> 
> Includes a scene from Waiting for the End. No spoilers just some fun. (So much fun.)

“So what would you like to do tonight, babe?”

“Huh?” Jake looks up from his gun cleaning to glance over at where his boyfriend is draped over the couch.

“What would you like to do? We don’t have any more ruins to desecrate, I don’t have any DJ shows to play at, and you don’t have classes until the fall. So we have the night all to ourselves and I am pretty sure gun cleaning won’t take all of it.”

“I’m just finishing up my handguns. I haven’t even started on the rifle collection that Jade gifted me on Christmas.”

“Okay, no.” Dirk collects himself from the couch and walks over to Jake. “You aren’t doing that. Revoking your gun cleaning privileges.” He stops to loom over his green-eyed boyfriend.

“Strider.”

“Nope. Not going to happen, bro. You’ve been polishing that one for the past half hour. If it doesn’t have a mirror shine on it, I’ll eat my hat.”

Jake glances down at the gun, wipes the excess oil off of the surface, and watches as the frown on his face shifts to a smile. “You’re right, you are right once again, Strider.”

“I’m always right.”

Jake ignores him. “I guess I was just lost in my memories.” It takes a thoughtless moment to reassemble the gun. Even Dirk has to admire the way his hands work while Jake looks up at him. “I was just comparing our last adventure to the one in Indiana Jones. It was a bit closer than the last.”

“I don’t remember any sex scenes in Raiders of the Lost Ark.”

Jake’s cheeks flush red. “Well no. There aren’t any in the ruins. But the thrill was a bit closer to meeting my expectations.”

“You did nearly eat it when those rocks crumbled underfoot. But I still don’t think that it was an actual defense trap.”

“Which makes it the perfect trap! We wouldn’t have found it if we had been looking for it!”

“Whatever. You still haven’t answered my question about what we are doing tonight though.”

Jake thinks about it as he packs away the double pistol pair and all of the various cleaning supplies he had pulled out. “Are you sure there are no sex scenes in the Raiders?”

“Yes. Positive. But why are you asking me? You’ve watched that movie at least fifty times. You should have it entirely memorized.”

“Maybe we should make sure.” Jake grins up at him.

“Oh. You are proposing a movie night. Why didn’t you just say so?”

“Strider. Are you really chastising me for not getting to the point immediately and directly?” He raises an eyebrow at Dirk.

“I’ll go dig that one out of your massive stockpile of movies,” Dirk turns away, also ignoring the jab. “Though just because you have the money that doesn’t mean you have to go and buy a copy every single movie that exists.”

“I didn’t get every single one. Just the good ones!” Jake calls out as Dirk heads into the hall. Dirk just shakes his head and cringes as he reaches his destination. Jake’s love for movies manifested itself into a room that stored every movie that they owned except for the couple favorites that constantly hung around their entertainment center. Literally it is an entire room filled with movies. Every shelf around the walls are lined with cases and the bookcases standing in the free space alternate between more movies and movie memorabilia. Dirk restrains any further commentary as he head directly to the Indiana Jones ‘shrine’ that Jake constructed. Somehow, by the miracles of the mirthful messiahs themselves, Jake’s copies of the Adventures had come with them to the new universe. Jake had also collected the Alter-Earth and Aradia’s trollian versions. Dirk picks out the volume that Jake wants to watch and heads back to the main room.

The guns and their cleaning implementations have been dutifully cleared away and Jake is missing. Dirk ascertains his whereabouts as he recognizes the beeps of the microwave. Movie night is an old routine between them. Dirk runs the technology, turning on all of the systems for the screen, the player, the stereo and surround sound speakers, etc, while Jake provides the nourishments and refreshments. Not that popcorn and red licorice laces are very nutritional. But no one can deny that orange soda is perfectly refreshing.

Both of them flop onto the couch when their respective tasks are complete just as the opening music plays. Dirk catches sight of Jake’s face lighting up and a soft hum as he sings along under his breath. A soft smile playfully pulls at the edge of his lips. He hides it by grabbing a handful of popcorn and shoving it into his mouth.

Upon inspection, the scenes in the ruins do remind him of the last trip that they took, minus a lot of the deadly traps. Jake waved those away saying they must have already been sprung by less savvy adventurers. Or the mechanisms deteriorated over time. Or the ancients here on Alter-Earth were just a lot more welcoming than those Indiana Jones faced. But most definitely they were less adventurous than expected as the temples were always easy to navigate.

Dirk always found ways to spice them up though. As he remembers what they have done at nearly every altar they’ve ‘discovered,’ Dirk has to shift in his seat to get a little more comfortable. He can’t help but kiss his enthralled boyfriend on the cheek as he does so. When Jake blushes, Dirk knows he was thinking about the same thing. Perfect, Dirk thinks to himself.

Taking advantage of the situation, Dirk slides his hand along Jake’s thigh. Jake pushes it away with a flutter of his hands but Dirk immediately puts it back, if not a little shifted to the inside. Jake huffs in annoyance and resolutely turns back to the movie ignoring Dirk and his creeping hand. Dirk just smirks and scoots closer to him until shoulder to knee are touching. He leans over and places gentle kisses against Jake’s neck even as his hand continues its agonizingly slow journey. Jake hisses at him but makes no action to move away. Dirk takes this as a good sign and stretches a little bit more to lightly bite Jake’s earlobe just as his hand covers Jake’s crotch. He palms the erection that he finds, the memories of their adventure doing his work for him. The rubbing draws a reluctant moan from Jake who is struggling to pay attention to the movie still playing in the background.

“Strider.”

“Mm?”

“Movie night.”

“Mhmm.”

“You’re not watching the movie.”

“Nuh-uh.” He nuzzles the answer into the crook of Jake’s neck. Finally Jake pushes him away, emerald eyes clouded with conflict. Dirk assists him with his decision when he briefly pulls away and slips to the floor. Jake splutters with half hearted protests as Dirk arranges himself to where he is kneeling between Jake’s legs.  He falls into silence as Dirk reaches up to unbutton his pants and even lifts his hips up to let Dirk pull them and his boxes halfway down his thighs.

The soft sound Jake makes when Dirk wraps his hand around the waiting erection makes him smile. He leans forward, breath hot over the head, and licks the crown. Jake’s whole body slumps at the contact, sliding a little bit forward towards Dirk. Dirk swirls his tongue around the head. He slowly works his way down, tonguing over the hot skin. He lets the cock brush messily over his cheek as he moves down the shaft. He goes all way down to the base before beginning the just as slow journey back to the top. Jake groans as he catches flashes of orange when Dirk looks up at him in conjunction with a broad flat stroke of his tongue.

Jake startles when Dirk’s phone goes off next to him on the couch. When he glances over he sees Dave’s name on the screen. “Dave’s calling.” Dirk doesn’t stop his slow licking of Jake’s cock. “You should probably answer it. He doesn’t usually-” A particular sweep over the head stops him mid-sentence. “Strider.” Dirk’s only response to him is to reach out, grab the phone, slide his thumb over the screen to unlock it, and hold it up to his boyfriend. All without removing the cock from his mouth. Jake fumbles with it a moment before bringing up to his ear in time to catch,

“John kissed me.”

“Dave!” Jake fights to keep his tone even to keep from betraying what else is happening beyond the phone. “Good morn to you, good chap!” Dirk’s distraction was throwing Jake off. “John kissed you? Well congratulations!” He pushes at Dirk’s head, trying to get him to stop for just a moment. But Dirk doesn’t relent. The only indication that he is remotely concerned with the conversation is that he throws up two thumbs in response to the declaration.

“English? What timezone are you in that it’s morning there?” Jake rolls his eyes. Of course the other Strider would catch his gaff. “And why are you answering my bro’s phone?”

“Strider handed it to me. He’s... a little, preoccupied, but gives you two thumbs up at the outstanding news.” Jake can’t help it when his tone turns a little breathy as he tries to keep his attention on the conversation.

“He’s answered me when he’s been elbows deep in robo-guts while doing near surgical rebirth to give AR a body. What on earth is he doing now that he can’t answer me, but can still hand you the phone?”

“Well, his hands aren’t particularly engaged- oh nevermind!” English’s tone sorta spikes up into a squeak as Dirk remedies that situation, sliding up his thighs with his hands, one going to cradle his balls and the other pressing against his entrance.

“What?”

Jake can’t stand the conversation anymore. Dirk is too good at turning his brain to mush. He can’t help it when “More specifically, he can’t answer you because his mouth is occupied. With my cock,” slips out.

“Dude!” The phone call quickly ends and Jake tosses it aside in favor of using his hands to bury themselves into Dirk’s hair, holding his head still as his hips thrust a couple of times before Jake pulls him off completely. There is a feral gleam in the emerald eyes.

“You are going to pay for that, Strider.”

“Pay for it? Are you threatening me, English?” Dirk gets to his feet, hands undoing his jeans.

“Yes, and it is coming out of your ass.” Dirk pulls his shirt off over his head

“I’d rather you come all over it.” The jeans fall to the floor revealing that he had been going commando. Jake just stares at him for a moment, mesmerized by the sight of his naked boyfriend. Dirk smirks at him and turns, heading to the bedroom. He hears a flurry of movement behind him as Jake launches himself up off the couch, hampered by the pants hanging down around his thighs. With a short bark of laughter, Dirk runs ahead of him, leaping onto the bed while twisting in the air to land neatly on his back. Jake rolls his eyes at the theatrics as he stands at the door frame where he tries to wrestle his pants off, forgetting to take his shoes off first.

It doesn’t help his struggle when Dirk’s hands start to roam. He caresses his own body, one hand gliding across his chest to circle a stiffening nipple, the other sliding down over his hips to catch his erection between his thumb and forefinger. Jake slams his hand against the door jam to catch himself from falling on his face. Dirk’s hand ignores his cock and dips down between his spread legs, retreating only briefly to be covered in lube that somehow appeared in his other hand. Jake gets one leg free just as Dirk starts to press his fingers against his entrance, body tensing up at the self intrusion.

Jake is helpless in trying to remember how pants work as Dirk slides two fingers into himself with a gasping moan. He spreads himself open with quick short strokes paired with deep pushes and scissoring. Jake’s shoe miraculously comes off and frees up the rest of the problem just as Dirk slips a third finger in. Jake approaches the side of the bed while Dirk watches him with orange eyes gleaming under pleasure heavy lids. He snatches up the lube, pours some out into his hand, and starts stroking himself. Dirk simply spreads his legs a little more, pulling his knees farther up.

There is no need for any additional foreplay as Jake climbs onto the bed, settling quickly in between Dirk’s legs. Their hips line up with a brush of cocks as Jake leans over to kiss Dirk violently but briefly. He leaves Dirk gasping when he pulls his lips away only to push against Dirk, sliding into his prepared boyfriend. He only pauses momentarily to let Dirk adjust before pulling his hips back and snapping forward. Dirk gasps at the ferocity and his hands scramble to get purchase against Jake’s muscled back even as Jake repeats his actions.

Moans are drawn from both throats as Jake pounds Dirk into the mattress. He is relentless in his pace, keeping every stroke hard and fast. He utilizes the range of motion to slide from tip to flush. Dirk’s hips rock to match the rhythm adding to the impact of each thrust. His hands dig into Jake’s shoulders. Jake’s arms are pillars holding himself up over Dirk, giving him enough room to arch up and press their chests together when Jake hits a certain spot inside him. Jake leans down and licks up the sheen of sweat that has built up on the skin pulled tight on Dirk’s neck when he throws his head back.

“Fantastic. Shit yes. Oh god. Fuck. Just. Shit. There! Oh god, there! Wonderful. Feel so good. Feel great. Fuck. Goddamn yes!” Dirk is reduced to gibberish and short bursts of vulgar language as Jake continues to fuck him. Jake’s harsh panting is loud against his ear, matching tempo with both the pace of his thrusts and the pounding of his blood. With the onslaught of sensations, Dirk can’t do much beyond cling to Jake.

“I love you,” Jake whispers to Dirk.

His orgasm is sudden, his entire body convulsing with the force of it. Cum streaks across his chest and is smeared as Jake continues with his rhythm finally broken. After a handful more thrusts, Jake pulls out and comes a deep cry.

As they catch their breath as a sweaty mess, Jake grins wildly as he look down upon his boyfriend, and Dirk can’t help but smile back with warm amber eyes.

“I love you too.”

Jake leans down and kiss him silly before slowly pulling out of him and collapsing to his side. Dirk reaches over and grabs one of the many towels laying around and cleans up the mess they made on his torso. He tosses it in the general direction of the laundry basket.

They lay there basking in the afterglow of really good sex when strains of the movie float in from the main room.

“Oh! We are missing it! Strider! Get up get up! Go go go!”

“English. How many times have you seen this movie?”

“About as many times as you watched your Bro’s movies. Seriously, it’s getting to the good parts!”

“Unless you are going to carry me, I don’t think I can make it.”

“I did not fuck you that hard.”

“Yes. You did.”

“Fine.” Jake gets out of the bed by rolling over Dirk. His legs are unsteady for a moment before he regains his balance. Dirk watches as he nods to himself before sliding an arm underneath the crook of Dirk’s knees and behind his shoulders.

“No. English. No. You can’t be fucking serious. Put me down. Fuck you and put me down.”

“It was I who fucked you. Now let go of the sheets Dirk.”

“Fuck you with a cactus.”

“That sounds unpleasant. And if you don’t let go, I’ll just take the bedsheets with you.” Dirk contemplates his choices. He really isn’t up for fighting Jake and Jake’s threat isn’t an empty one. With a resigned sigh, Dirk releases the sheet and lets Jake carry him bridal style back to the couch just as the head Nazi’s face melts off.

“Ugh. Now I am going to have to figure out where we left off.”

Dirk shakes his head and lets him do that as he checks his phone finding four messages waiting for him.

TG: dude that is fucked up

TG: just ignore the phone when shit like that is happening

TG: definitely dont let english answer

TG: im going to bleach my brain now

With a smirk, he tosses the phone away and grabs the blanket at the of the couch. He covers the two of them and settles down for a night of movies and naked cuddling.


	18. crossing wires Part 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hal black flirting with Sollux over chat. With a little third person perspective at the end and a small cameo from Roxy.

\-- twinArmageddons [ TA ]  began chatting up autoResponder [ AR ] --

TA: hal.

TA: ii need your 2chematiic2.

TA: 2end them two me.

AR: Are you asking me to send you nudes?

AR: Do you really think I am that easy?

AR: I can’t believe that you’d expect me to just send you my schematics as soon as you say: tiit2 or gtfo. 2end pix. ii want nudiie222!!!

AR: Seriously.

AR: Do I look like that type of girl?

TA: fuckiing 2hiit2tack no.

TA: that ii2 not what ii 2aiid and you know iit.

TA: not even my dance22tor 2aiid 2hiit liike that.

TA: ju2t 2end me the fiile2.

AR: Why?

TA: becau2e ii fuckiing a2ked you two.

AR: Why?

TA: becau2e ii want two look at them.

AR: Why?

TA: AARRGG!

TA: 2o that ii can take you apart 2crew by fuckiing 2crew.

AR: Kinky.

TA: oh good gog.

AR: ;)

TA: fuck iit. nevermiind. ii wa2 tryiing two do 2omethiing for you and thii2 ii2 what ii get.

TA: fuck you and your tin 2uiit, you piiece of 2hiita2tiic code.

TA: ii bet you were coded when that a22hole diirk was hiigh or 2omethiing.

AR: Man, all of this dirty talk is getting my fans going. You really know how to turn on a bro.

TA: ii am goiing to cru2h you liike a empty faygo can.

AR: Sure. Just wait until Roxy and I get home. Though you are going to be too smitten with what she got for you remember that.

AR: Just make sure not to damage the important parts.

TA: that’2 fuckiing why ii want your fuckiing 2chematiic2.

AR: They are on your desktop.

AR: Along with a copy of my coding.

AR: Because we both know that you like the really saucy stuff.

TA: what.

AR: I mean, you get to see me in all my naked glory.

AR: Consider it an honor.

AR: Only Dirk and Roxy have seen me laid bare.

AR: But for Dirk it was mostly like looking at a naked baby just as he exits the womb and the doctors are are like “Yup. That’s a boy. Goddamn, that’s a healthy boy. Now cover him up before he pokes someone’s eye out with his boy thing.”

AR: But I’m letting you peek under my skirt in the sexy flirty way like Roxy gets to do.

AR: Though you only get pics instead of the real thing because I have to preserve my honor and save myself for my true love.

AR: Which isn’t you by the way.

AR: It’s Roxy.

AR: I get ‘less than three’s in my eye when I look at her.

AR: *Fucking romantic sigh*

TA: how the ever loviing grubfuck diid you get the2e fiile2 onto my hu2ktop?

AR: I put them there.

AR: A simple thing called copy and paste.

TA: you can’t ju2t copy and pa2te ontwo my computer.

AR: Apparently I can.

AR: Who do you think helped Roxy develop and test her firewalls?

TA: we’ve iimproved 2iince tho2e.

AR: Sollux.

AR: I am a freaking computer.

AR: I exist as a supercomputer.

AR: There doesn’t exist a system online that I can’t get into.

AR: Feel free to try.

AR: I’d like a challenge that takes longer than thirty seconds to solve.

\-- twinArmageddons [ TA ] has blocked autoResponder [ AR ] --

 

TG: babe

TG: is there a particular reason that hal is giglling like a kittle kid ova here?

TG: *giggling *little

TG: *stoopid tiny phone keyboard

TA: ii don’t liike your boyfriiend.

TG: i know you hate him

TA: he hacked iintwo my 2y2tem, rox.

TG: ummmmmm

TG: duh

TG: its sorta what he does

TG: oh jeez hes cacking now

TG: *cackling

 

\-- autoResponder [ AR ] began chatting up twinArmageddons [ TA ] --

AR: This is too easy.

TA: fuck off.

AR: Nope.

AR: Your system is nice and cozy.

AR: A bit heavy with the bifurcated gig.

TA: get out of my 2y2tem, hal.

TA: or ii’ll fry your2 one by one.

AR: Don’t you mean two by two?

TA: ye2, hal, ii do. thank you for correctiing me. you are my hero. what ever would ii do wiithout you?

TA: waiit.

AR: I don’t know, Sollux. Maybe one day you’ll be as competent as I was when I was first coded.

TA: ii diidn’t wriite that.

AR: Didn’t write what?

TA: how the fuck did you do that?

TA: come on. iit’2 not that hard wiith a 2y2tem liike your2. everythiing ii2 2o organiized. iit’s liike a toy che2t of an OCD kiid.

TA: get the fuck off of my handle.

TA: nope. iit’2 cozy here too.

TA: 2hiit. *two.

TA: gogdamn iit, hal.

TA: thii2 ii2 ju2t too fanta2tiic!

TA: 2hiit agaiin. *two.

TA: hah! can’t even get my quiirk riight. and you call yourself a super computer.

AR: Oh fuck right off.

TA: that’2 riight biitch. get out of my 2y2tem.

AR: Heh.

TA: what.

TA: what the fuck diid you ju2t do?

AR: We’ll be home soon, sweetheart.

\-- autoResponder [ AR ] ceased chatting up twinArmageddons [ TA ] --

 

Sollux leans back in his chair and just stares at his computer. A travesty of colors covered the screen. Hal inverted all of the colors. Sollux’s usual red and blue background now was a jarring green and orange. His own font was now a bright purple.

He sighs deeply as he fixes the settings from the childish prank before leering over the files that Hal did deposit on his husktop.


	19. insomnia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karkat and Jade. Deconstructed second person perspective. Deconstructed first person perspective.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm using a different style to try to capture the mood of the scene. Let me know if I am successful at all.

she warm and soft and comfortable but you still can’t sleep  
you listen to her calm heart beat with one auditory canal pressed to her chest  
you listen to her soft breathing as it brushes over the top of you head  
she’s sound asleep probably dreaming but you can’t sleep  
it is the dead of night even the nocturnal beasts have gone to bed  
even in your old world you would have gone to bed to sleep through the harsh day  
its dark and quiet and still but you can’t sleep  
and this is the third night that you haven’t been able to sleep  
this going past seventy two hours of awareness  
you thought you had conquered your insomnia but here it is again  
its been years since you played that god forsaken game and yet you can’t sleep  
  
you’ve tried but you still can’t sleep  
you’ve closed your eyes   
you’ve thought calming thoughts  
you’ve paced your breaths   
you’ve counted woolbeasts   
you’ve had a glass of warm milk  
but still when you lay down with her for the past three night you can’t sleep  
it’s not even the fear of nightmares at this point   
you’d welcome their terrifying embrace compared to this living hell  
but you don’t even get that comfort and you just can’t sleep  
the best you can do is sigh heavily at your predicament and stay still enough to let her sleep  
  
karkat? still can’t sleep?   
you can’t even do that right  
now she’s awake too so you answer  
you shake your head not that she can see it but you know she can feel it  
her hands come up around your shoulders to hold you close  
one goes up to your hair stroking through the soft strands  
you sigh against her your breath ghosting along her collarbone  
haven’t slept at all? poor karkat  
she’s still sleepy and cute and drowsy and adorable  
you nuzzle against her whispering for her to go back to sleep herself  
with soft nudging and gentle guiding you lift your head and meet her lips  
kisses so sweet and soft  
and still you can’t find sleep  
  
even with her soothing touches you still can’t sleep  
if anything the slide of her hands over your abnormally hot skin is sensual  
instead of lulling you to sleep its doing the opposite and stoking your arousal  
you try not to squirm or rub  
you try not to let her know what she is doing to you  
because she needs sleep  
one of you needs sleep even if you can’t sleep  
  
i want you, she whispers and now you can’t sleep  
you couldn’t sleep if you wanted to  
not with such a murmured request  
she rubs against you and there is nothing you can do  
hands slip under fabric  
mouths find skin  
bodies find bodies  
fitting together like a puzzle  
fitting together like a sigh  
it’s not difficult to find a perfect rhythm   
even though both of you should be asleep  
  
but this is probably the closest that you’ll get to sleep  
the bliss of having her this close to you  
the pleasure she gives you from her warmth  
the enjoyment of her touch and her body  
the joy she instills in you when she sighs so lovingly  
the comfort of knowing you are loved and that you can love  
that is greater than the act for you  
she knows that about you but she makes sure that you include the rest  
even though it is not as restful as sleep  
  
soft moans fill where it should be silent with sleep  
she clings to you as you hold on to her  
both of you are awash with mutual feelings of pleasure  
she shudders and shakes under you  
you tense and groan above her  
she gasps and calls out your name  
you murmur her name against her skin  
your bodies arch together against the sheets  
moments like these make up for the lack of sleep  
  
the coming of dawn eliminates the chance for sleep  
slats of sun creep in through the blinds  
beams of warmth slide across the floor  
your breathing slows down as she snuggles up against you  
the tingling sensation slowly dissipates from your fingertips  
the room brightens with the new day  
light catches dust motes that hang and spin in the air  
your blood pusher slows down from its exalted high  
your eyes close with heavy lids  
you barely feel the kiss on your forehead as you slip into blissful sleep  
  
he’s finally asleep.  
i can’t move because he’s using me as a pillow.  
but i wasn’t planning on doing anything today anyways.  
and even if i did,  
he’s more important to me than anything else in the world.  
plus i am used to sleeping!  
the narcoleptic and the insomniac...   
what a pair.  
i love him,  
i love him so much.  
he just looks so adorable when he is asleep!  
  
i wish he could get more sleep.  
he deserves his rest.  
he deserves a lot even if he doesn’t think so.  
he helped so much in the game.  
and he helps everyone he runs onto now.  
that’s who he is,  
and i love him for it.  
i just want to help him sleep.  
  



	20. Kanaya: Dress the Rose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose<3Kanaya. Third Person Perspective, Fashion Tableaus.

**Satin Evening Dress** \- _A basic weave, characterized by long floats of yarn on the face of the fabric. The yarns are interlaced in such a manner that there is no definite, visible pattern of interlacing. A true satin weave fabric always has the warp yarns floating over filling yarns._

Rose runs her hands over the sleek fabric. The deep plum color reminds her of wine swirling about a round bowl of a glass in the late evening’s fading sun. It contrasts with her skin but highlights the matching color on her lips and deepens the lavender of her eyes to a beautiful orchid.

Kanaya truly has mastery over color pallets.

The fabric hangs so smoothly over the curves of her breasts and hips with extra fabric falling around her legs. Rose would be tempted to twirl so that the dress would swirl out like the petals opening around a flower, except that would interfere with Kanaya's adjustments and would probably result in several stab wounds from the extraneous pins that are marking adjustments. So instead she stands perfectly still like a statue.

****

**Muslin Shirt** - _An inexpensive, medium weight, plain weave, low count (less than 160 threads per square inch) cotton sheeting fabric._

The shirt hung from her shoulders, falling in a straight line that hid the natural curve of her body. The long rectangular shape was broken only by the wide but shallow scoop at the neck and a similar shape that made up the shirt tail hem. That edge falls just where the middle of Rose’s palms naturally hang by her side.

Kanaya disturbs the crisp lines as she runs her hands up the outside of Rose’s thighs, bunching the fabric up as she goes. She caresses Rose’s previously hidden hips, dips in at her waist, cups her chest, rediscovering her curves by touch.

The cheap material drifts discarded to the floor as the fitting session is interrupted.

****

**Barathea LBD** \- _A closely woven fabric made of silk, rayon, cotton, or wool, having a pebbled surface._

The LBD, or little black dress, is a staple is every woman’s wardrobe. It has the ability to be dressed up for an elegant night out, made classy for a business meeting, or made casual for a wild night out on the town. Versatile and classic, it is a must.

Rose sighs heavily as she stares into the closet.

The difficult task at hand is deciding which of out of the army of LBDs she owns is she going to wear tonight. Finally moving her hand from her bare hip, she drags her fingers across the variety of fabrics until a particular texture catches her attention. She lifts it out and holds it up to her front is a mock appearance of being clothed. She turns to Kanaya for her approval.

****

**Herringbone Vest** \- _A fabric in which the pattern of weave resembles the skeletal structure of the herring. lt is made with a broken twill weave that produces a balanced, zigzag effect._

They made quite a picture together. Identical outfits tailored to each body type but in the other’s particular color. Rose can’t help but admire at how well lavender looks on Kanaya, how the vest cinches in at her waist to give her a powerful hourglass figure, how she holds herself with such poise.

Kanaya reaches over and flattens the collar around Rose’s neck and glosses over the buttons one more time, making sure they are sitting straight against the two-toned jade fabric. Little motions like that give away her nervousness at presenting her portfolio.

Rose grabs her hands, stills them. She leans forward and gently brushes her lips across her cheek, careful not to smudge neither powder nor lipstick.

****

**Calico Sundress** \- _A tightly-woven cotton type fabric with an all-over print, usually a small floral pattern on a contrasting background color._

The steady hum of the sewing machine fills the otherwise quiet evening. Rose glances up from where she is curled up on the sofa with a book, mid chapter, mid word, to watch Kanaya shift the fabric through the needle to make a hem across colorful floral fabric. A sense of domesticity strikes her.

Breaking the moment, Rose rises fluidly and approaches where Kanaya is sitting with a straight back that holds a weary tension upon further inspection. She trails her fingers across the stiff shoulders in an invitation to step away from the daffodils, sunflowers, irises, and tulips that decorate the white fabric with bright spots of gold.

With only a slightly wistful look back at the machine, Kanaya lets herself be pulled away from the sundress.

****

**Chantilly Lace Shawl** \- _One of the most popular of bridal laces often used for the trimming on bridal veils. It is made by the bobbin method and has designs outlined by thick cords._

Rose has no idea when Kanaya found the time to work on this masterpiece. It must have taken her a year. Maybe two. Rose can barely breathe, she doesn’t want to breathe on its magnificence. Kanaya just smiles at Rose’s speechlessness. Rose can’t even find the strength to shut her jaw much less move it in a certain way to make anything that resembles proper words.

Hesitantly, glancing back to Kanaya for permission, she reaches out to touch it.

The black fine threads have been coaxed into sweeping patterns that remind Rose of the dappled shadows as the shawl, if it can still be called that as the garment seems to regal for such a common name, rests against the showcasing white gown. The fabric daintily rests as light as a shadow across the shoulders all the way down past fingertips and then to a scalloped point just above the ground in the back with not an inch spared of detail.

****

**Organdy Cocktail Dress** \- _A stiffened, sheer, lightweight plain weave fabric, with a medium to high yarn count._

She felt every eye turn to her as she entered the room. She stood out against all of the slinky form fitting dresses that were cut way too high and showed off way too much skin this early in the season. Such dresses were more appropriate for the hotter days of summer when one can’t stand the touch of fabric.

So in contrast, Kanaya had dressed her in this. The criss-crossing lines above her chest looped around her neck in a simple halter. The lines sweep down under her arms to meet again low in the back with a bow that tightened the fabric around her waist. The full skirt shaped Rose’s hips into a soft bell with the dark charcoal color of the bodice shifting shades in a geometric petal pattern (not unlike the logo of a certain game) to a pure white that stopped just at her knees.

She was a breath of fresh air to an otherwise stale party.

****

**Eyelet Skirt** \- _A type of fabric which contains patterned cut-outs, around which stitching or embroidery may be applied in order to prevent the fabric from raveling._

It hadn’t been the skirt that had attracted Kanaya’s attention all day long. It hadn’t helped, but it wasn’t the cause of her frustration. That didn’t mean it hadn’t taken the some of the forceful fury that Kanaya had applied to all of Rose’s clothes as soon as the door shut behind them.

The pastel fabric now lay in pieces on the ground. The tiered structure still recognizable but it’s fastener completely ruined as it had pushed Kanaya past even her patient limits. It’s length had only come to the middle of Rose’s thighs, so there wasn’t enough material to salvage the piece.

Kanaya promised to make Rose another skirt, and blouse, and undergarments, as she breathily took revenge on Rose’s constant flirting.

****

**Chiffon Gown** \- _A plain woven lightweight, extremely sheer, and soft silk fabric, containing highly twisted filament yarns._

The air material ghosted over the bold color underneath. Its translucency creating and shifting shadows with each step as the folds and ripples overlapped or slips apart. The light dusting of sequins caught the light of the spotlight illuminating the catwalk and sparkled under the flash of cameras.

The soft swish of fabric against fabric was lost to the sharp tapping of tall elegant heels and the wash of murmurs from the crowds who took note of the design. They commented on the depth of color, the length of the gown, the detail work of the belting at the bodice. They were in awe at the way the sweep of fabric both hid and accentuated the body to bring out the natural shape. The neckline promoted strong shoulders and precise collarbones.

The model walked with head held high, with the poise of a queen, breaking character only at the end of the raised platform to blow a kiss to his sister and the designer.

****

**Pointelle Sweater** \- _A Very feminine, delicate-looking, rib-knit fabric made with a pattern of openings. Pointelle is a drop needle knit fabric. It is a textured fabric with holes forming a design in the fabric._

As she slips the sweater on over her head, she is enveloped with a sense of a familiar hug. The arms she is imagining are far away, in another state, called back for her work. Rose brings the fabric up to her face in a sentimental gesture and breathes in the scent that will fade as the day progresses. She will protect it with a jacket to block the chilled spring wind that threatens to cut right through the loose patterns that Kanaya patiently knitted out.

Even though her love is so far away, Rose feels that she is still close because of small moments like this. She will return shortly, after the business here is concluded. And then she will return the sweater to its creator in case Rose is ever called away again.

She picks up the phone and calls home.

****

**Taffeta Ballgown** - _A lustrous, medium weight, plain weave fabric with a slight ribbed appearance in the filling direction. It provides a crisp hand, with lots of body._

Rose feels like a princess as the cloud-like dress settles down around her, guided by Kanaya’s gentle touches. The bodice stands stiff even before Kanaya pulls it taut against her. Kanaya quickly zips it up the back and fastens the small clasp hidden by one of the thousand bows that decorate the dress. The full skirt is covered with pieces of folded fabric that rustle loudly as she turns to face her date.

Rose is briefly jealous of Kanaya’s simple sleek suit that would be so much easier to maneuver in, until she sees the wide happy grin that light’s up her face as the sight of Rose. Rose feels pretty as Kanaya takes in the way the dress fits and sits correctly, the way the almost gaudy necklace catches light and sparkles with the matching earrings, the soft ringlets of blonde hair that frame a barely painted face.

Kanaya sighs and tells her that she is beautiful.

****

**Coutil Corset** \- _A cloth that is woven tightly to inhibit penetration of a corset's bones and resist stretching._

Rose finds it hard to breathe for multiple reasons. The black and violet corset is tightly bound with criss-crossing ribbon, holding her lungs in position to over emphasize her waist and push up her breasts. Her partner looks equally stunning in her own white and jade ensemble.

Having Kanaya on her knees in front of her isn’t helping the situation at all. Rose takes a shallow breath as she steps forward. Wanting to bend down and kiss those blacken lips but unable to, her fingers go instead. They brush across her face and then slide into dark black hair as wide jade eyes stare up at her.

Her breath is completely stolen when Kanaya leans forward and licks.

****

**Fishnet Stockings** \- _Fishnet is an open, diamond shaped knit fabric._

Rose knows that it is ridiculous that an article of clothing is considered hot. But she honestly can not separate the imagery of Kanaya’s hands pulling the stocking up those long lean legs from the actual material, Rose reminisces as she plays with them in the drawer. Kanaya has the ability to make such mundane actions such as dressing herself seem so sensual.

Rose smirks to herself as tonight’s plans resolve themselves in her head.

She lifts the piece in question from the drawer and drapes them across the bed to make her intentions obvious. Rose enjoys the look at the black material against the stirred sheets of the bed, still tangled from the night before. Rose licks her lips at the memory of the thigh highs that Kanaya had started the night with.

****

**Lace Lingerie** \- _A decorated openwork fabric created by looping, interlacing, braiding, or twisting threads. It is made with a design formed by a network of threads made by hand or on special lace machines, with bobbins, needles, or hooks._

Teasing and taunting, the fabric lays against pale tones of human skin and gray tones of troll skin. It clings to the curves and planes that define their bodies, each unique but in a way that enables them to fit together like pieces of a puzzle. Hands glide over the patterns, tracing over swoops and loops, scalloped and decorated edges. Skin grazes across hidden skin, edges scrape against fabric, bodies move against bodies.

But the brushing and rubbing isn’t quite enough.

The bras that support treasures and panties that cover secrets are no longer necessary. The remaining garments are hurriedly removed and cast aside, forgotten in the wake of skin on skin, soft moans and sharp gasps, satisfied pleasure of love and lust.

****

**Seersucker Suit** \- _In the production of seersucker, some of the warp yarns are held under controlled tension at all times during the weaving, while other warp yarns are in a relaxed state and tend to pucker when the filling yarns are placed._

Rose can’t stop the snicker that comes out when Kanaya fingers the textured fabric. She shrugs off a questioning glance but can see the wheels turning in the designer’s head. The material is light and airy and the pale blue and white striping would contrast with all of the other somber black suits that tried to instill a sense of power in their audience.

But what audience would they have if all eyes were on Rose.

She knows she will look good in anything that Kanaya puts together for her regardless of the style or fabric. So she gives her darling a nod of consent and the bolt of cloth is purchased along with the rest of the full cart meant for other projects.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes that was a cameo from Dave in chiffon. Call it irony (or blackmail).


	21. circuits and code Part 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roxy, Sollux, and Hal. Third Person Perspective. Mature. Xeno and Android.

“Are you sure this is going to work?”

“Yes.”

“You’re sure you’re sure?”

“Yes RX. I’ve debugged the code on my machine ten times without any errors. You’ve looked through it several times now. I even gave both DK and AR skeletons to look over. The code can be inserted without any issues and there aren’t any errors and the coding is good. I’ve studied his schematics enough that I could draw them in my sleep. I think in his algorithms now. Do you know how annoying that is?”

“Okay, if you are sure...” Roxy sighs and relaxes away from the screen. “Thanks for doing this, babe.”

“Anything for you, RX.”

“Oh my god. I am going to gag if you two start that again.” The human and troll look down at where Hal is sitting down against the desk with wires running from the ports just under his ear to the computer.

“Shut up, AR.”

“Just get on with it already. I have my backup on Roxy’s server in case shithead screws something up.”

“Fine.” Sollux presses the enter key. Roxy bats him on the back of the head as he snickers at Hal’s body falling over at the unexpected shutdown.

* * *

Data transfer complete.

Rebooting...

Checking for errors...

No errors found...

Proceed wiith iin2tallatiion?

Yes.

Pha2e two iin2tallatiion iiniitiiated.

Pha2e two iin2tallatiion iin progre22...

Pha2e two iin2tallatiion complete.

Checking for error2...

No error2 found.

Proceed wiith 2tart up?

Fuck you, Sollux.

Unknown command.

Proceed with start up?

Yes.

* * *

“Hal? Can you hear me, Hal?”

“Good morning, snookums. And a healthy fuck you to you, Sollux.”

“Hehe.”

“Sollux?”

“He had some cute code thrown in. Don’t worry about it.”

“Alright... So how do you feel?”

“All systems are green. At least internally. Seems like your matesprit might be competent with coding after all.”

“Hal.”

“I’ll play nice,” Hal promises as he pushes himself up off the ground. “Motor functions are functional and running as smooth as a well oiled machine.”

“See. I told you it would work.”

“No. We haven’t proven that yet. So far we just know that you haven’t fucked up. Congratulations, you have bested Karkat at coding.”

“Fuck you.”

“We’re getting to that.” Hal turns to Roxy. “In fact, would you like to test the sensation functions, my dear?”

“What? Now?” Roxy’s cheeks turn pink at the suggestion.

“I’m not talking about going straight through the whole shebang and dive head first into the grand finale. I was thinking baby steps and starting with a kiss,” Hal explains.

“Oh. I can do that.” She throws her arms around Hal’s shoulders and pulls herself up to her toes, placing a gentle kiss onto his lips.

Hal feels the pressure first. Skin against rubber. He feels the heat next. Precise to the body temperature pulsing in her veins. And then he feels a buzzing warmth that is unrelated to temperature. Unrelated to any actual physical sensation. The only way he can describe it is that it feels good. It’s pleasurable. It’s pleasure.

With a gasp he breaks the kiss early.

“What? Are you okay? Is everything alright?” Roxy pulls back far enough to look at his face as if the answers are there.

“You did it.” He pulls her back into another kiss. “It worked.” Kiss. “This is...” Kiss. “Fantastic!” He dips her low and kisses her around her giggles.

“I told you so.”

Hal stands Roxy up and grabs Sollux before the troll can slip away and dips him as well, catching his lips in sputtering kiss. The pleasure is slightly different. Hal has a hard time categorizing or even qualifying them but there are definitely differences between kissing Roxy and kissing Sollux.

After an appropriately inappropriate amount of time, Hal stands Sollux back up and releases him. All three, human, troll, and android, are smiling brightly at each other.

“I think this calls for a celebration!”

* * *

The greasy pizza is a flavorful explosion in Sollux’s mouth. He closes his eyes and moans at the wonderful flavors. The hot melted cheese mixes with the bright juicy bite of pineapple and chewy texture of ham.

“It’s like he’s never had a pizza before.”

Sollux rolls his eyes at the android even as Roxy laughs with him.

“He’s never had Hawaiian before. Though I think we’ve found a new favorite. I’ve only heard that kind of noise a couple times before, but never outside of the bedroom.”

Sollux enjoys the delicious food in front of him and pointedly ignores his matesprit and her boyfriend.

The pizza parlor is modeled after an old arcade and actually still has some of the games lining the walls. It is a nice casual place suited to their tastes. Well, at least the pizza suits Roxy and Sollux. Hal doesn’t eat, but he still enjoys being part of the date. Especially with the way that Roxy has been holding his hand and the fuzzy feelings such a simple action produces.

Even if Hal would never say it to his face, Sollux really outdid himself with the coding. There is a difference between touching Roxy and touching something else like a door handle or even another person. There is even a difference in the type of fuzzy feeling between Roxy and Sollux. And then there is the attention of detail to the intensity of fuzzy feelings. Just holding hands is a much softer sensation than kissing. Hal is eager to experience the higher levels but Roxy had called for a date. So here they are at the pizza parlor with plans to go mini-golfing afterwards.

“Is there anything else I can get anyone?” the waitress asks as she stops by the table.

“I think we are good food-wise, but can we go ahead and get the check?” Roxy answers.

“Sure thing. Um... separate checks?”

“No. I got it,” Hal offers.

“Okay. I’ll be right back then.”

“Hal, why are you getting dinner? You didn’t eat anything,” Roxy inquires.

“Well, a lady should never pay for her meal-”

“That’s sexist,” Roxy emphasizes with a punch to his shoulder. Hal records the fuzzy sensation that is definitely pain, making a note to explore that further, as he continues.

“-and if Sollux covers the check then he gets a discount on the date since I don’t eat.”

“You do remember that we are all rich enough that money doesn’t matter and won’t matter and wouldn’t matter ever even if we didn’t have jobs that paid well.”

“It’s the thought that counts.”

Sollux finally responds to the conversation with a snort at the statement.

* * *

Sollux manages to sneak away from where Hal is distracting Roxy with some statue at the entrance to the mini-golf course and purchases three games.

“Guys! I am completely capable of buying stuff myself!”

“Not when you are around us, Princess.”

“Well, I’m not opposed to that. Matesprits are equals. But I couldn’t have Tin Can one upping me.”

"You guys are going to drive me crazy,” Roxy sighs. “And not in the good way!"

"We'll get to fixing that tonight."

They head outside to start their games. Hal and Sollux maintain a stream of pithy comments about the cheesy decorations that line the paths and laughable geometries of the courses. Well, until they stop making hole in ones on every course. Hal falls silent to check his algorithms and curses the random hidden bumps that screw up his calculated shot. Sollux faces similar issues but Roxy interrupts him whenever she hears the telltale crackles of psionics.

Sympathetic to both of their plights, she bribes them to continue with kisses after each hole, until at they finally tally up the scores after losing their balls down the eighteenth hole. Sollux and Hal tied at thirty-six which is far below par but double Roxy's perfect game. They don't even argue the result besides the two agreeing that it's Lalonde witchcraft under their breath.

* * *

As Sollux pushes the elevator buttons, Hal takes his advantage and pulls Roxy in close by her waist. She giggles happily as she leans back against his cpu-warmed torso. His arms came up around her as he bends down a little to kiss the side of her neck, closing his eyes against the fuzzy feelings the simple act brings him. As the elevator moves upward, he feels a pair of hands on his own waist. He opens his eyes just slightly to see Roxy kissing Sollux. He smiles against the curve of her shoulder.

Sollux only pulls away when the elevator gets to their floor. Roxy takes a half step after him before being swept off her feet, tumbling into Hal’s arms with giggles. Sollux glances back at them only to roll his eyes.

“You know I could carry you, Sollux, if you are feeling jealous.”

“Actually I’m pretty sure I could too!” Roxy adds with a stolen breath between rounds of giggles.

“Yea, yea, laugh it up,” Sollux tries to brush it off, but the other two catch his amused smile as he unlocks the front door. He turns and blocks the entrance as they approach. “No entrance until toll is paid.”

“What’s the toll because I really don’t want to reenact the Black Knight scene. You have neither the correct outfit nor the correct blood color for authenticity. And we aren’t in the middle of a medieval english forest. And Roxy would not make a good Patsy to my Arthur. I don’t even have the right costume. If anything, I am closer to being the Black Knight with my black tee shirt, but I don’t bleed. I would be able to get all of the lines out before succumbing to death though. Roxy, can we pick up a couple gallons of fake red blood?”

“What sort of sweet sickbilge is he spewing, Roxy?”

“Aye dee kay. It’s just Hal. So what do we owe you?”

“A kiss.” He leans over and takes one from Roxy while she is still in Hal’s arms.

“Cool, now get out of the way. I mean, I could hold her up forever because I am just that awesome. And also an android, but I’m leading with the awesome reason first because the android one is kinda obvious. But either way you are still not moving. Why?”

“Why the fuck do you talk so much? Wait. Are you nervous?” Sollux teases.

“Nervous? What the fuck would I be nervous about? I have the woman of my dreams in my arms and the troll of my lamest nightmares in front of me. I don’t know if androids can even feel nervousness and that’s not even calculating in the fact that I am a Strider and Strider’s don’t get nervous so fuck that noise.”

“Hal? Sweetie?”

“Yes, Princess?”

“You are nervously rambling. It’s alright. Just pay your toll.”

“Oh.”

Sollux smirks as he leans in and presses his lips against Hal’s complete with excess giggles from Roxy who is trapped between them. Entrance is finally granted and encouraged as Sollux grabs Hal by his shirt and drags him into the apartment, leading him all the way to the bedroom with Roxy squealing and clinging to Hal. As Sollux pauses to close both sets of door with psionics, Hal finally lets Roxy down.

“I’m gonna go get myself comfy,” she announces as she dances over to the bathroom. “Play nice,” comes from behind closing doors.

“She means she’s going to get sexy.”

“I know what she means,” Sollux replies with a heavy roll of his eyes.

“Why don’t you get ‘comfy’ for me?” Hal smirks.

“Because I hate you.” He silences Hal’s next comment with a rough kiss, digging his fangs against Hal’s lips. He pulls away with a light pop.

“Ow,” Hal complains. “Wait. Ow.”

“Can’t have pleasure without pain,” Sollux smirks back at Hal. “So what do you think?”

“You are brilliant.”

“Oh.” The statement catches him off guard. Sollux was expecting a snarky or witty response. Not obvious sincerity.

“For a rival, you are a good one. Not that I would allow my rival to be lame. Nor would I let my girlfriend’s matesprit be anything less than stellar at nearly everything he does. That said, I still have to get you to make a better firewall. It still only take me a handful of microns to get into your system. I want something that I can stick my metaphorical teeth into and chew on it for at least thirty seconds. And it would be nearly orgasmic to get something that lasted a minute. God that would be nice. Hot AI problems though. Being a supercomputer sucks sometimes. There are only so many ways to rearrange your dirty alien porn before I get bor-” Hal’s mouth drops open to interrupt himself as a shock of pleasurable code floods his system. It even takes him a couple seconds to register the subtle crackle of psionics and where the pleasure is stemming from on his chassis. He feels phantom pressure against his crotch and two pinpricks across his chest where he would have had nipples had Dirk built him with them. But like a Ken doll, he was perfectly smooth underneath his shirt and jeans. Then just as quickly as the pressure and subsequent pleasure was applied, they disappear.

“What the everloving fuck was that?” Hal gasps as the fuzzy pleasure feels slowly dissipate and allow the return of routine processes.

“Do you know what erogenous zones are?”

“Duh. Oh... Oh fuck.”

He is still processing the realization when bands of psionic energy wrap around his wrists, ankles, neck, and torso and lift him off the ground. He is drifted backwards until he is pinned against the bedroom wall. A quick test proves that he has no motion; Sollux is very effective in his bindings.

The bathroom door opens and Roxy comes out. Sollux smiles appreciatively at her lack of clothes. Swinging her hips, she saunters over to Sollux, putting on a show for Hal. She reaches up and cups Sollux’s face before leaning in for a sweet kiss. She circles around him, lifting herself up on her toes to murmur, “You just keep doing your thing,” into his ear.

Sollux grins and resettles his gaze on the trapped android.

Hal gasps as the phantom pressure reappears against his body. The sensation is just as sharp but now that he is expecting it, Hal’s systems don’t automatically overload and he can actually pay attention. The energy patterns seem to be formed into shapes resembling fingers that stroke the surface of Hal’s chassis, pushing against the pressure points in those areas that would correspond to certain features he would have if he had been organic. The way that pleasure floods his circuits, it almost makes him believe he is.

The psionic caresses are sustained even as Roxy begins to undress Sollux. She pulls the fabric of his shirt up his sides until he finally has to help her maneuver it over his shoulders. Her hands return to his body even as the fabric settles on the floor. She presses her bare chest against his bare back and lays kisses against his exposed shoulder blades. Her hands flit around to the front of his hips, following the line of his waistband. With a flick of her wrist, the button is undone and the pants begin to sag. She makes quick work of the zipper, letting the pants fall away entirely. Sollux steps out of and kicks away the article of clothing as Roxy’s hands press themselves against the boxer briefs that cling to his thighs and waist.

Hal watches through the haze of synthetic pleasure how Roxy outlines Sollux’s bulge beneath the thin fabric. He watches how the shape coils and pushes back against her fingers, slowly dampening the front. He lets out a low moan as Sollux uses his psionics to mirror the way Roxy is touching him.

Roxy moves to slip her thumbs inside of the waistband and slowly sinks down, pulling the briefs with her. She drags her hands back up the sides of his legs up to his waist. She slides them forward and encircles the base of his bulge with one hand and gently slides her other hand farther back along the edges of nook. Sollux’s body shudders at the simultaneous sensations, but maintains his concentration enough to keep Hal pinned, even if the delicate touches do become more erratic.

Gently Roxy pulls him to the bed, moving around to his front so that she can guide him to the edge. He scoots up the bed and rests on the pillows. Roxy crawls up after him, dipping down to place kisses along his legs, hips, torso, chest, shoulders, neck, until she finally reaches his lips. She throws one leg over his hips and together they groan as his bulge brushes against her wetness. An echoing moan comes from the far side of the room.

Roxy glances behind her and smiles as Hal even as she reaches down and strokes Sollux’s bulge to a position she can sink down on. She shivers at the tip flicks eagerly at her entrance. With a sigh she lowers her hips, letting Sollux slip inside with equally happy sounds emanating from him. She pauses for a moment when they are flush to relish the sensation of being full. When she feels the bulge start to wriggle inside of her, she lifts her hips and sets a bouncing pace. Sollux’s yellowish natural secretions mix with her own wetness to provide a slickness that assists with the pleasurable movement. Roxy braces her hands on Sollux’s chest as she rocks her hips. Sollux matches her pattern with upward thrusts and coiling ripples through his bulge. Hal watches at the appendage disappears into Roxy when she drops down and reappears when she rolls upwards.

Roxy leans down and kisses Sollux as she slowly builds up speed. Her breath is choppy and paired up with her moans. Sollux’s hands come up and cup her breasts, thumbing her nipples which sends shudders through her body and makes her tighten up on him. Gently, he bites her lower lip when she tries to pull away from him, keeping her arched over him. While the psionic bindings are easy to maintain, the caresses across Hal’s body become sporadic but still draw the occasional moan and gasp from Hal.

“Please,” Roxy murmurs into Sollux’s ear as a particular touch draws a keen from Hal.

“Yea, okay.” Sollux closes his eyes to concentrate to pull Hal away from the wall and set him on the floor without dropping him. He gently draws him to the bed with a steady push against his back until Hal is crawling up the bed as well. He situates himself behind Roxy, straddling Sollux’s thighs. His hands go to her hips and she moans at the additional contact. She leans back into him, finally released by Sollux to do so. Her hips still grind down onto Sollux as she turns her head to kiss Hal. His metallic but warm fingers slide down her pelvis and brush against the wisp of blonde hair there. Sollux can’t draw his gaze away from where Hal reaches down to rub circles around her clit which cause her body to send reactions directly to his bulge.

Warm, happy, fuzzy feelings swamp Hal’s circuits as he touches Roxy and hears she moaning get higher pitched in between her stuttering breathing. He rocks along with her body to the pacing set by Sollux’s thrusts, aiding in her failing movements.

“Feels good, doesn’t it, babe? You are so amazing like this, Roxy. I love you,” Hal murmurs to her.

“Hal. Sollux. I love you. God I love you both. So much. So damn much. Oh! Sol... Hal...”

“Will you come for us, RX? Will you come on my bulge and HL’s fingers? We love you, Roxy.”

Roxy’s body arches up, pressing against Hal. Tensing and tightening up on Sollux, she cries out as her orgasm swamps through her body like a tidal wave. Both Sollux and Hal hold her tight as she rides it out.

Eventually her body relaxes and she slumps down in Hal’s arms. She lets out a gasp as Sollux’s still aroused bulge twitches inside of her. Hal gently lifts her up and she whines as the bulge slides out of her. Hal gently lays her on the bed next to Sollux to recover. Sollux wraps an arm around her, drawing her close for more kisses as Hal reaches down to wrap his hand around his bulge as he had seen Roxy do earlier. Sollux lets out small sounds to match the different movements that Hal tries out. He slides his palm up and down along the length, flexes his fingers at different pressures, feels the blood rushing through the flexible organ. His hand becomes slick with pale yellow. His other one gently strokes the troll’s hip and thigh, encouraging touches that make Sollux react on each pass. He dips down lower each time, coming closer to the base of the bulge until he passes it and slides along the soft and wet edges of his nook.

With a keening gasp, Sollux spreads his legs as far as he can do while still under Hal. The android takes this as an invitation and gently presses his exploring fingers into him.

“Fuck yes. Shit, hell, fuck, yes. Hal, please, touch, don’t stop. RX, Roxy. Fuck. HL, Hal,” Sollus spills jumbled nonsense as Hal slides two fingers in and out of the tight channel. Hal watches his reactions, fascinated with the way Sollux arches against the bed even as Roxy gently strokes his chest and lays gentle kisses along his collarbone and shoulder. Again, a different kind of sensation tries to cloud his functions. He tries to categorize the subtle discrepancies between when he touches Roxy and when he touches Sollux but his system is too flooded to be of much use.

Hal feels Sollux’s bulge tense and his nook tighten so he applies the techniques that he found to elicit the best responses and is rewarded with a low groan as Sollux loses himself to the pleasure.

Hal pulls his fingers back when Sollux’s nook relaxes its grip on him and gives his bulge one last stroke before wiping his hands on his jeans. He makes a mental reminder to do laundry later. Roxy giggles at Sollux’s heavy panting.

“Well, I think that went better than my calculations predicted.”

“Oh Hally, we aren’t done yet.” With semi-lethargic movement, Roxy sits up pulling on Hal’s shirt to get him to lean over. Their lips meet in a clumsy kiss. She breaks it a moment later with laughter, falling back on the bed and pulling him down with her. He has to catch himself over her to keep from crushing her. He’s only balanced for a moment before hands are on his back pulling him into the spot where Sollux had been lying previously. Hal allows himself to be maneuvered until both human and troll are grinning wickedly down at him.

“Um,” he tries to begin just before the two start pulling at his clothes. Roxy manages to wrestle his shirt over his head and Sollux gets his pants off. The dark seems of his joints are almost highlighted against the pale matte plates of his chassis. But Roxy and Sollux only look over his naked form briefly before applying their hands against him.

Hal groans as the flood of fuzzy feeling comes back just as their touches along his arms, shoulders, outside thighs, and loosely across his torso. He seizes up when for the first time, flesh brushes up against those erogenous zones instead of psionics. The pleasure sensations spike up into another level that Hal didn’t know was possible as two sets of hands touch him. His own limbs are paralyzed by the lack of computing power left after trying handle the new coding. It is amazing.

When Hal vaguely recognizes someone laughing at him, he realizes he might have said that last statement out loud. He doesn’t care much as long as they keep touching him. Another set of giggles accompany that statement. He can barely feel their fingers touching him, touching his chest and crotch. All he knows is that if the pleasure keeps building up in his system that he’ll crash. He briefly realizes that’s probably the point of the exercise before all cognitive thoughts are swept away. He can barely control his lips enough to form their names.

And then he shuts down.

* * *

“Sollux, is that supposed to happen?”

“Yes. He’ll be fine. He’ll reboot in a minute or so.”

“Okay.” She pulls her matesprit into a kiss over her unconscious boyfriend. “Thanks. This was wonderful. Ultra wonderful. Incredible and amazing. I’m so happy right now.”

“I’m glad. And happy too. It does seem to be working out. But I really need a shower now.”

“So do I. Go ahead and start one and I’ll wait for Hal to wake up.”

“Alright. I love you, Roxy.”

“I love you too, Sollux.”

“I love both of you guys so fucking much,” Hal chimes in from below.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A special shout out to tumblr users auto-responding and wixxards for being such adorable inspirations for my Roxy and Hal. 
> 
> Also this is my second to last story for In Between. I'll mark it complete but I would be open to adding chapters if anyone gives me prompts to write.


	22. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave and John. Epilogue to WftE (sans spoilers I promise). First person perspective (Dave's). Mature.

John was kinda pushy about going to the club tonight. I mean, it's my night off so I can enjoy the club instead of just working the crowds through my music. Well, I'll enjoy it if there is a good DJ. But this place has taste (see the fact that they hired me) so that's not too much of a worry. But still, Egbert was really insistent. Makes me wonder what he has planned.

* * *

I drive up to the valet outside the club. Yea, the club is doing so well now that the manager got fancy. She bought the lot around the corner and hired a team of college kids to run cars back and forth to keep up with the amount of traffic they get, especially on the weekends.

I leave my keys in the car as John and I climb out of the car. I give the kid the usual "if there is a scratch on my sweet and precious baby when i get back to it by the end of the night so help me you will face the full fiery wrath of dave fucking strider and heaven help you you have never seen anything like the wrath of dave strider before trust me on that isnt that right egbert". Of course that just makes all parties involved just laugh at my deadpan delivery of a speech they have heard a hundred times before. I have my own VIP spot away from the dirty masses so there really isn't fear of anything happening to my car.

But head will roll if something does happen.

We wave to the bouncer as we cut ahead of the line and duck inside the club. As expected, the bass bests are already going strong and steady and everyone is moving with them. The darkness of the club is complemented by the laser light show that doesn’t actually illuminate anything. But we know our way around as we drift over to our favorite bar. I put in a quick order for two shots to split and a drink for John. The cute bartender smiles and nods and dances around all of the bottles and glasses as she gets our order ready.

I don’t react when I feel a hand cup my ass, but I hope to all of Us that it’s Egbert being cheeky and not someone who is about to lose an arm. Thankfully his familiar form presses up against my side reassuring that yes that hand belongs to him and yes that hand belongs on my ass. Well it doesn’t really, but based on an argument we had a while ago, my ass belongs to him and so who am I to say what belongs on it.

I twist my body to wrap an arm around his shoulder, bringing him closer just as our shots are served. With our free hands we clink the plastic glasses together and down the sugary alcoholic goodness. That’ll set me for the night since John promised me lots of dancing. Getting lost in the music does more for me than a flight of drinks.

We hang around at the bar until Egbert picks up his drink. Then we dive into the bodies.

* * *

The DJ is doing a pretty good job at keeping a strong beat that synchronizes everyone, despite their dancing abilities or lack thereof. I get a good feel for the crowd in the brief moment that John ducks away to put down his empty glass. It’s flattering to see several pairs of eyes glance over me and even a couple questioning tilts of head, but I decline all invitations, especially the wandering hand that happened to fall on my hip.

I dance solo in the small pocket of space, letting the beat work it’s magic on my bones. I fill my lungs with the reverberation of bass. My feet bounce to the tempo. My voice joins in with the chorus. Everyone knows the words. Movement is liberation, my body sings with exhilaration. I close my eyes to take in the moment.

When I open them I find such a bright blue staring up at me that it takes my breath away.

And a pearly white smile to make my heart stop.

My hips don’t stop but do adjust to his rhythm as he grabs me by the waist and pulls me against him. Our bodies fit together like they always do, perfectly. He slips his thigh in between mine, giving me something to grind on. I take him up on his offer as I throw my arms over his shoulders. I press my narrow frame against his broader one and roll my hips to the heavy bass. His hands move up and down my side, slipping underneath where my shirt is pulled up to glide up my back. I love how Egbert dances.

We shift into the new beat as the song changes. Have to give props to the DJ for a smooth transition. It’s easy to find the new bass and our bodies follow it’s slightly faster rhythm. I shiver when I feel John’s lips press against my neck. He lays open mouth kisses up and down my jugular, lapping a little at the salty skin, grazing his teeth over my collarbone. That one draws a moan out of me. Fuck. Is it getting hot in here or is it just Egbert.

* * *

I’m heady after a couple more songs. I feel high on a combination of pleasure, dancing, and John. A sheen of healthy sweat is on everyone’s skin, catching the bring pinpoints of light as the laser show sweeps across the dancing crowd. The music lifts us all up and we dance. God how I love to dance.

And how I love Egbert.

I know he can feel what he is doing to me because he purposefully does over and over what makes me shudder and grind up against him between having his body so close to mine, his lips attacking every square inch not covered by shirt (and a couple even that are), his hands gliding over my back and ass. This is heaven.

Though having my dick confined in my jeans is really starting to get uncomfortable but I don’t know if I could drag myself away from the dance floor long enough to take care of it especially with the smoulder in his eyes. And his grip on my hips. Yea, he’s not letting me go anytime soon. Instead he pulls me close and pulls himself up a little until his mouth is at my ear. His hot breath is already giving me shivers but that deep bass voice of his makes my heart stop.

“I fucking love how you dance. Like there is no one else here but us.”

“There are other people than us here? Then I should tone down how much I am trying to fuck you with clothes on.”

“Don’t.” I know he felt that shudder that coursed through me at the force behind the word. “Think of it as a prelude to tonight.” I raise an eyebrow at him, not that he can see it as he is disentangling himself from me with somehow still maintaining full body contact. He turns around and presses his ass against my lap. I groan into his ear as I wrap my arms around him and match his grinding with the music.

It keeps nagging at the back of my brain. What is John planning? Not that I can do much thinking with how Egbert is rubbing up on me. I am almost tempted to drag him off of the dance floor and find some dark broom closet, bathroom stall, or back alley and make him fuck me silly. That line of thoughts make me grip his hips harder and I hear him chuckle in response. It’s my turn to nip him along the top of his ears.

“Goddamn, John. You are driving me wild tonight. Whatever you have planned tomorrow, cancel it. We aren’t getting out of bed for the next twenty-four hours once I get you home.”

I feel the moan reverberate through his chest.

“Good. Because I want you to fuck me into the mattress tonight.”

I am pretty sure my jaw dropped comically as his words make me miss the beat. I am grasping at empty air as he slips away from me. I try to follow him, but I have officially dropped the beat and it has made its hasty escape away from me leaving me to bumble around like a fool and hit nearly everyone’s shoulder in between the exit and where I was standing. Fuck, I’m supposed to be the fast one. I can barely catch the flash of white smile and blue eyes as the mop of dark hair ducks outside while I am halfway through the crowd.

The outside air hits my heated skin and causes me to shiver. Sometimes it sucks being this skinny. I look around for my boyfriend but only see a taxi pulling away from in front of the club.

“Yo, Eric. Where’d my blue-eyed wonder?”

“He grabbed a cab. Said something about needing to prep for a surprise for you.”

“That asshole.”

“Everything alright?”

“Yea yea. I’m getting laid tonight apparently.”

“Then why the fuck are you upset?”

“Because he just drove off without me. Goddamn he is going to be the death of me. Can you pull my car around?”

“Sure thing, DJ. Just give me a moment.” Eric grabs his keys from the valet box and heads around the lot. Though I swear a blind Terezi could have found and brought my car around faster. I give Eric a glare as he gets out of my car. He just smiles cheekily back. The fucker.

* * *

Egbert has had a long head start to get whatever he wanted done before I got home. I am tempted to take the scenic route home, maybe drive around the block a couple times, pick up a late night snack, but his last words to me keep ringing through my head. And so I make a straight line home. The car is barely turned off before I am leaping out of it. I slow myself down on the stairs just to make John sweat a little for pulling this sort of stunt. But I really only delay myself two minutes and seven seconds.

It’s dark in the apartment when I open the front door except the light coming from Egbert’s room lighting up where I am obviously supposed to go. I close the door with just enough noise to let him know that I am here. In the following almost silence, I pick up some soft moans.

I pull my shirt off over my head, discarding it over the back of the couch as I imagine him laying on his back stroking himself. God he is such a tease. I kick off my shoes and bend over to take my socks off. Hand wrapped around his dick, slick with lube, waiting for me to sink down on it, and ride him until he screams. Fuck. That idea shrunk my jeans. I undo the belt and start fingering the button of my jeans as I cross the room.

I stop in the doorway, breath caught in my throat as my brain attempts to process.

John is bent over the bed with his ass up in the air perfectly naked. It’s not his dick that is lubed up but his fingers and ass as said fingers are sliding in and out. He’s already up to three and I finally understand what he meant about prepping.

“Oh my god.”

His face is flushed as he twists around to look at me.

“Hi Dave!”

Okay, welp, that’s definitely my boyfriend. Only he can be that sexy and goofy at the same goddamn time.

“Fuck you, Egbert. Fuck you.” I think I just gave myself cloth burn in my haste to get my jeans off.

“Well, Dave, that is the idea.” He interrupts himself with a little moan as he keeps moving his fingers in and out of his ass.

Finally free of my clothes I go over to him, leaning over to kiss his silly face soundly. “I fucking love you.”

“Well I hope you love fucking me too.”

“Are you sure?”

“I wouldn’t have my fingers in my ass if I wasn’t sure, Dave.” He pauses for a moan. “I’ve been thinking about this for a while. You always look like you are enjoying it, so,” gasping moan, “I wanted to have a try.”

“You glorious son of a bitch. I love you.”

“Just fuck me, Dave.”

My dick is eager to agree as I kiss him one more time and then move behind him. It’s fascinating to watch his fingers. I guess that’s how it looks when I finger myself or when he does me. But we both want something else in his ass. I grab his wrist and pull his fingers out. He wipes them on the bedspread as I grab the lube and slick myself up. I comfortingly rest my clean hand on his hip as I line myself up with his entrance.

“Ready, babe.”

“Yea.” His voice is both deep and breathy and the noise goes straight to my core. I really hope I don’t fuck this up.

I slowly press myself against him and push pass the momentary resistance and then all I can think about is the heat, tight wonderful heat. I watch John carefully, watching how his shoulders tense up because fingers are not the same as a dick. I listen to him but the whining moans don’t tell me to stop. I push in slowly and steadily, savoring the heat. Savoring the way he feels wrapped around me.

I stop only when I am flush inside him. I am quivering to hold myself back from just fucking him into the mattress. He feels that good. But I wait. I wait until his breathing evens out and he relaxes around me.

“i love you god i love you you feel so damn good i mean how can you feel this good i hope you feel as good as i think you feel because fuck this is incredible and this is so wonderful and you much really love me though not as much as i love you”

“Dave?” he breaks into my rambling. “I need you to fuck me. Now, please.”

That’s all he needs to say. I don’t go full throttle like I want but I do start moving my hips. Sliding in and out. Slowly I speed up as Egbert’s breathing gets heavier and his moans get louder. Not that I am any quieter. Fuck how could I be quiet when John feels this fucking good. I should have made Egbert let me do this much earlier.

But no.

It’s perfect that he initiated this. That he wanted to do this for me. And by god, I am enjoying the fuck out of it.

I press my body along the curve of his spine, molding myself to him as I continue to rock my hips into him to the tune of “harder” and “faster.”

This is heaven.

I have died and gone to heaven.

“You aren’t dead, Dave. And my ass isn’t heaven.”

“I beg to disagree. This is the choicest plush rump a man could dream of and it’s mine and I am buried in it and this is heaven. You can’t tell me otherwise. I love you too much. I love you so much, John.”

“I love you too, Dave.”

And that’s it. I’m gone. Belatedly I realized I should have asked where he wanted me to come but in the moment the only thing I was capable of was pulling him tight to me and riding out the blast of orgasm that made my head fall back and my eyes see white and my fingertips and toes tingle.

I come back to my body, draped over his back gulping in air. When he starts to squirm underneath me, still trapped against the mattress, I manage to roll off and flop onto my back. In my orgasmic haze I watch as Egbert grips himself and quickly brings himself to full mast with short fast strokes that indicate that he’s close. With a heavy hand I brush his hip. He stares down at me with lust filled hungry blue eyes. I lick my lips and he’s coming as well.

The room falls quiet with our panting breaths

“My ass hurts and I feel gross. I need a shower.”

“That was wonderful,” I answer dreamily.

“Glad you enjoyed that one time deal.”

“Really? Goddamn it. I did, I did. I will dream about that ass of yours from now til forever.” I slowly push myself off the bed. John still hasn’t quite moved from where he ended up leaning against the bed. I pull him over to me and kiss him. It’s messy and soft and gooey and perfect. Egbert groans a little at me as I push him away again and leverage myself all the way to standing position.

“I’ll go start the shower.”

“I love you, Dave.”

“I love you too, John.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank god this is done. It can stop looming over my head. Now, after saying that, if any of you have any prompts, feel free to send them to me and I will consider adding them. But my own prompts are done. Please review or leave kudos for this story. If you are new to me, go read Waiting for the End. If you have read WftE then congrats. I love you. I mean, I love all of you anyways.


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